Wetwork
by MySoberThoughts
Summary: [AU] Contract Killers Naruto and Gaara have a bit of a rough road ahead after coming out of an early retirement. Is a certain blonde to blame? Or has conspiracy corrupted the Land Of Fire? Those with sensitive morals have been warned. Crack fic, crack everywhere.
1. Simple Life

**Welcome to my odd little AU. Where the humor is a little darker, the mystery is a little thicker and hopefully the laughs are a plenty.**

 **Warning: Blood, Gore, Strong language, adult themes, and my own brand of awful humor.(least I think I'm funny)**

 **D** **isclaimer: Yoooo, I don't own shit. That is all.**

 **xXx**

 _ **Wetwork** is a euphemism for murder or assassination, alluding to spilling blood._

 **xXx**

"Remind me how we got into this mess?"

"You mean the blood?... or in general?" Naruto replied. Flicking a particularly thick film of gore from his face with saturated hands.

" Guess it doesn't matter." Gaara stood with a groan, doing the same. "You tend to get me in trouble no matter what the reason."

"You're blaming _this."_ Naruto threw his hands up I the air as if to say, everything. "On, me?!"

Gaara first looked right.

Then left.

Once at the blood dripping ceiling.

And then back to Naruto.

"Well if the shoe fi-" Gaara looked past Naruto to the smeared floor behind him. "... Is that a whole fucking foot?"

Naruto ignored the man as he nudged the appendage with a small amount of awe.

"Well blame me all you want, I still say it's her fault. You should've never let her in the store to begin with."

"You don't mean that."

"... Shut up."

 **xXx**

 _Some days earlier_

The smell of dark roasted coffee beans filled the air. A steaming stream of java flowed into an overly jaded styrofoam cup, beauty seemed to clog the room with its thick scent. Simple and distinct, a simple wonder that somehow continued to happen day after day.

But something seemed to trump the coffee's aroma today.

Gaara caught sight of a blonde beauty that walked into his coffee shop. Her hair was done up perfectly in a tight, taught, bun atop her head. Her make up was precise, yet not overbearing. Just enough to hide what little imperfection that he was unsure she had. Her frost blue eyes were protected by a fashionable pair of frames that he was certain cost a king's ransom. And to add to her already professional appearance, she was draped perfectly in a fashionably sleek purple suit. Adorning a name tag right above her left breast that read "Yamanka, Ino."

 _'I find an uppity blonde in a suit attractive?... What even is today?'_ Gaara glanced down at his clock.

0730

 _'Hm, maybe I just have poor judgment in the morning.'_

"Can I have a white chocolate macchiato with two shots?" Powerful at a glance, but her order didn't catch him off guard in the least.

 _'Yep, definitely poor judgment.'_

"Just another princess underneath that suit." Gaara spoke low as he began preparing her order.

"What was that?"

"Anything else?" The redhead saved himself before he said anything further. The blonde glanced at her phone and paused a moment.

"Nope, that looks like all she wants." The blonde proceeded to mumble under her breath. " I don't know how people drink this crap anyway."

 _'Well, now you definitely lost some points._ ' He practically lived on coffee. Hence why he was working full time as an owner of a local java spot. Typically he didn't have to serve. But something about pouring a warm cup of coffee for people seemed like a good use of his time. Rewarding in all the right ways, as simple as it was.

"Ok Miss, it'll be out in a moment." Gaara wasn't the kindest person, but he'd never been above common courtesy.

"Hurry it up, please. I've got somewhere to be. I know you probably don't understand, being the _humble_ barista you are, but I don't have time to waste on you." Ino paid him no mind as she avoided eye contact entirely. Buried in her phone as she typed away swiftly. Checking the clock on the wall every five seconds as if it'd get up and walk away.

Her rude statement caught him off guard. He only noticed because he found himself gripping a now crumpling cup of coffee.

"Goddamnit!"A mumble of discomfort escaped him as he pulled his scorched hand under the faucet.

"Hey didn't you hear me? I don't have time for you to be fucking around on something so simple! Is your manager here?" Her voice was bitter as was the attitude dripping from her voice.

"Maybe you should watch your da-" Gaara was cut off by a hand covering his mouth.

"Ma'm I can help you. Gaara. I'll take this one." Right on time, Gaara's best friend, Naruto Uzamaki took charge. "I know you have... more important things to do. So I'll have your drink right away ma'm."

Gaara watched as the blonde shuffled slowly to the side. A little put off by the new party. The co-manager of the little java chain. Gaara and Naruto had been working together since they were kids. Be it their prior occupation or their more simple jobs as managers.

"Well, get to it." She grumbled.

Gaara found himself rushing out of the door before he could hear any more of their exchange. Making his way to the smoking area in the back of the store. Prepping a pre-rolled joint he kept in his dress sock, hidden specifically for stressful situations such as these. In moments a cloud of marijuana smoke filled the sky, and a roll burned darker than his blood red hair.

"Damn. Blondy got you that high strung, huh?" Naruto asked the question, but all he received in response was a curt nod from Gaara.

"I think if you didn't show up when you did then there'd be one more prick in the burn unit. But luckily." Gaara held up his welted hand. "That wasn't the case."

"Hah. I'm starting to think you're getting soft on me... Pass me that."

Gaara passed the joint to an outstretched hand as he looked at his best friend.

"That girl is something else... civilians always know how to get under my skin it seems." He paused." Or maybe it's just blondes."

Naruto a genuine chuckle before he realized. "Hey, dick..."Naruto didn't say anything else as he let a puff of thick smoke pool in his mouth as he made a terrible attempt at blowing little o's into the air.

A harsh fit of coughs was his result.

"Well you know you don't have to deal with the customers. We have enough of these shops and well more than enough people to run them. Besides." Naruto motioned at the mounted tv just through the double doors of the coffee shop. "Didn't you hear? Lady Tsunade is passing the torch to Hatake today at the inauguration. The whole city is tunning in."

"Hn, I thought we left the contracting business to stay **away** from politics? Why do you even care?... Hey, don't hog it!"

The duo was noticeably red eyed at this point. An air of laze replacing the recently tense atmosphere. An ashing joint fading between passing hands. With every cough, the previous tension seemed to diffuse.

"Do you miss it? Being the military's lap dogs I mean. Easy money, comfortable lifestyle, the action..." the blonde eyed the ground as he ashed remains on the sole of his leather shoes.

"If I did, do you think I'd own a damn coffee chain? I'm done doing the dirty work for a bunch of government pigs."

"Oh come on now. Haha, granny isn't that bad. Hell, Kakashi was even a decent mentor before he went politician."

Gaara gave a pointed look at his companion. Naruto hadn't mentioned their last job in ages, even when his normally talkative nature increased tenfold during their smoke breaks.

"Something you want to tell me?"

" ... She called yesterday. Offered us a job, for some serious pay."

"You can't really be considering this, we're done with that shit."

"Yeah yeah I know. Just caught my interest ya know? Apparently, someone has been leaking security information from the Land of Fire to other countries."

"What does that have to do with us, we did wetwork, we're not second rate detectives."

The truth is that both Gaara and Naruto had worked diligently for the government for some years. Fresh out of high school they were trained by countries black ops unit, the W.E.T. to more or less eliminate violent threats and enemies of the Land of Fire. Having the honor of being hand picked by Kakashi Hatake, a mentor to both of them in their youth. Stopping only after making enough money to live a more moral lifestyle.

Ergo, coffee shops.

"Well, that's the thing. Apparently, the snitch is partial to killing also. More than a few officials have been dying of "natural causes" lately. And this close to a new Hokage appointment? No way that's a coincidence."

"So what? We assassinate an assassin for the government?"

"Mhm. 12 million she says."

Gaara paused as he looked out toward the still rising sun. The cresting star blazing warming layers down on top of them.

"That's a lot of coffee shops..."

"So what do you think?"

His bit of admiration for the sun didn't last long as redhead rose and dusted off his pants as he headed back toward the shop.

"I'm thinking I want one of our overly priced danishes before this conversation ruins my high."

"Hey, boss!! Boss!!" A panting brunette girl burst through the back door. "You have to come see this! H-Hokage tower! Attack."

The girl couldn't help but choke over her words until Gaaa gave her a firm shake of the shoulders.

"Spit it out already." Gaara said rather impatiently

" The Hokage has been killed!"

"Tenten stop joking around, who the hell would want to take granny out. She's not even going to be in power much longer." Naruto didn't even bother looking up from his closed eyed position on the grassy ground.

"No really! Come check the news ASAP." The brunette portrayed no signs of humor as she focused a serious stare between both young men.

Gaara and Naruto exchanged a glance before bolting inside to find the breaking news already flashing on all the tv's in the little shop.

"Well." Naruto paused, focused on the news, hands clinched with a vice grip. Headlines read: "The Honorable Lady Tsunade had been poisoned in her own office and died mere moments ago in route to the ER."

He didn't bother to face Gaara as he spoke.

" I hope you don't mind. But retirement might have to wait a while."

xXx

Gaara and Naruto busied themselves rushing people out of the coffee shop, urging them to pick up and leave as fast as possible.

"Sorry lady this is an emergency." Naruto gently rushed a little old lady out the door, her purse and coffee in hand as he passed them to her once she was completely out of the building.

"Why I never!"

"Sorry!" He quickly slammed the door shut and brought down all the curtains as to cover up the shop.

"Tenten I need you to get rid of the rest of the staff and go open up the locker." Gaara gave orders as he lifted a rug behind the coffee shop service counter, revealing a button style floor safe. A few taps of a combination later and a blacked out 36 special was revealed, tucked neatly away in the safe next to some spare ammunition.

 _'I'm glad I decided to keep all my favorite things so close to each other. Coffee, guns, pretty girls... why am I coming out retirement again?'_ His train of thought was derailed by a loud crash coming from the storeroom. Followed by a not so manly yell of pain and an enthusiastic chuckle from Tenten.

 _'Oh yeah, that's why.'_

"Goddamnit Naruto what'd you do now-"

"Who the **FUCK** puts a shotgun on the top shelf?!"

Gaara was approaching the room at this point, gun tucked neatly in his waistband beneath his barista apron. The sight he came across was a grunting Naruto holding his foot and spinning in circles on the ground and a laughing tenten clutching her stomach, gasping for air. Lastly, a heavy, wood detailed, double barrel shotgun on the ground adjacent to them.

"No seriously Gaara, who puts the HEAVIEST GUN WE HAVE in the highest place possible and expects this NOT to happen?!" Naruto legitimately stopped squirming to stare daggers at Gaara from the ground.

"Naruto." The redhead remained calm as he crossed his arms and simply looked at the two of them.

"What?! And Tenten shut the fuck up! It's not funny."

"You organized last. With the reasoning, and I quote, "I don't want short stacks like you being able to reach my girl."

 _'5'7 isn't even that short. Dick'_

This only mad Tenten laugh louder.

"Karma's a bitch ain't it?" She stifled her laughter as she rose up with some visible effort. "You can't make me laugh like that, I might have an aneurysm."

Naruto flipped her the bird from the ground before Gaara helped him to his feet.

"So what's the plan." The man dusted himself off and the tone shifted as Naruto was finally all business.

"Call over to the capital building. See what Shikamaru can tell us. No sense going around guns blazing if we don't even know what the hells going on." Gaara proceeded toward the cabinet, pulling out an additional pocket sized pistol and a slim grey bulletproof vest. Slipping off his apron and shirt in favor of the protective material. "Tenten be a dear and get me something to put over this." A noticeable blush was present on the girl due to Gaara's sudden lack of modesty but she obeyed as she quickly bolted out of the room.

 _'Hm, guess I still got it.'_

"Anything?" The question was directed toward Naruto who got a dial tone for the third time in a row.

"Nothing, that's not like hi-" The blonde was abruptly cut off by a call from an unknown number.

 _"Oh! We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue!"_

"... Seriously?"

"Shut up. Don't judge my taste in music, emo queen."

 _"And then we'll take it higher!"_

"Naruto answer the damn phone!"

"Oh yeah." A pause. "Hello? Yeah, what the hell is going- Hey slow the fuck down Kakashi what do you mean where am I? WORK. It's two in the damn afternoon. "

If Gaara had eyebrows, they'd be raised in confusion.

About this time Tenten came back with two flannels, one red for Gaara and another, dark orange, for Naruto.

"I got you something both that wouldn't be too obvious. Hey, what's going on?" Clearly referring to the blonde that was yelling at his phone receiver.

"Kakashi called him, but Naruto doesn't seem to be able to conduct a civil conversation." He whispered to her.

"Um, guys." Naruto hung up the phone and fixed his orange flannel to drape over his own vest. Complete with black jeans and chucks, the outfit was somewhat inconspicuous. Even for the boisterous individual. "Do you want good news? Bad news? Orrr, worse news?"

"Good news." The answer was almost simultaneous.

"Sooo, we have a lead. Kakashi just told me that Danzo is the only person with even the slightest reasoning to want Tsunade dead."

"How's that even make sense? Danzo was her second, but the title was handed over to Kakashi today."

"Normally you'd be right." It was Gaara who answered Tenten's question." But the law clearly states, if the current Hokage is unavailable, their second in charge will take over in any case that's the Hokage is ill or otherwise unavailable."

"I guess that makes sense... so it looks like Danzo, or at least one of his supporters that want him in power?" Naruto and Gaara nodded in agreement of her deduction.

"Hah! Well, get this." Naruto closed his eyes as he tilted his head toward the ceiling to maintain composure." Kakashi just gave me that call from jail. Turns out Danzo and his delegation placed anyone associated with Granny and Kakashi into ROOT holding until the investigation is "resolved." That's our bad news if you couldn't Sherlock that one out."

"Wait wait wait. ROOT. You mean **THE** Anbu ROOT?" Gaara questioned.

 _'There's no way Naruto did what I think he did.'_

"Tenten you need to get out of here. Now." Gaara started shoving the brunette towards the rear exit before a disrupting explosion was heard in front of the shop.

"... Naruto, what the hell was that?"

"Wellll..." Naruto took a deep gulp as he rummaged around in the gun locker, fitting himself with two 9mm and at least a half dozen knives. When he was done he walked over to an industrial sized fridge and pulled out two danishes. Gaara's irritation grew as the blonde continued to ignore him.

"That'd be the Anbu ROOT. Either coming to kill us, or take us to jail. Aka, the worse news."

"What. Did. You. **DO!?** " It was Tenten's turn this time to display her aggravation.

"Aha! About that, funny story."

 _'I hate when I'm right.' Gaara thought._

"Attention." A megaphone could be heard just on the other side of the door. " Come out with your hands up, we are authorized to use deadly force if you do not comply."

If looks could kill, Gaara would've murdered Naruto a dozen times over. He image playing over and over again in his mind if the look on his face was anything to go by. Ironically accented by the scrunch of his hairless brow where his red Kanji tattoo lies.

"I may or may not have been doing a few side jobs for the Hatake corporation." The blonde extended a shaky hand toward the fuming redhead. The treat in hand.

"Danish?..."

 ** _*Sigh*_**

 ** _xXx_**

 **A/N: Gaara and Naruto are both about 24 for the sake of the story. If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment.**

 **Don't take this too seriously or you might just hurt yourself.**

 **Tell me your thoughts damnit.**

 **Peace- Sober T**

"Someone speaking."

 _'Someone's thoughts.'_

 _"Naruto's ringtone"_


	2. Traffic Jams and Brotherly Love

**A/N: I'm really having fun with this one. Gaara and Naruto have always been a duo I enjoy writing/reading about. But anyway, let's get into it.**

xXx

"Ok. So I get that you're upset."

"Mhm" Gaara responded mindlessly as he sent stray shots over the coffee shop counter.

"And I get the punch to the nose." Naruto tossed a grenade into the shops seating area, resulting in the flailing screams of flying bodies.

"Yup" Gaara continued to shoot, doing his best to ignore his friend's distractions, a flailing yell of distress as a round hit its mark.

"But... But did you have to fuckin knock the danish on the floor like that?! They're fucking expensive man." Naruto choked out through a mouth full of pastry.

"Seriously not cool-" Gaara snapped his attention toward the blonde.

"Naruto I swear to god if you bother me about baked goods again I will fucking **murder** you-"

"Watch out!" Naruto dove to his friend's aid, knocking him out of the way of an aggressor brandishing a short blade. Sending the blade back into the man's neck.

"HAH! **BOOM** BITCH! Come on bro you got to keep up, I'm up by three right now." Naruto continued to grin before his face fell as Gaara raised his revolver in Naruto's direction.

"Woah now, I know you're mad but wait!" Naruto raised his hands in a pleading motion before Gaara shot off a round anyway just right of his head.

BANG

"Two. You're up by two." The body of a would-be assailant dropped dead behind Naruto.

"GOD **DAMNIT** GAARA! You know, you're the reason I can't hear shit in the first place!" Naruto was currently on the ground clutching at his ear in pain from the sudden sound of close gunfire.

"Serves you right." Gaara holstered his gun under his flannel as he walked towards the rear of the shop once again. A flailing Naruto still on the ground.

"What?!" Naruto shouted.

 _'Gaara calm down... ignore him.'_

"Gaara what'd you say-"

"Tenten you can come out now." Gaara interrupted, having stepped back into the shops storage area. On cue, the brunette appeared from the safety of the large gun locker, one of Gaara's pistols in hand.

"Mind telling me what that's all about?" Gaara ignored her question entirely in favor of one hand reaching for his gun and the other reaching past her into the locker, pulling out a set of keys.

"Here, take Naruto's truck and head home. If the police ask you what happened, say you ran away from work when shots rang out." Naruto burst into the room, one hand still covering his afflicted ear, and dried blood still painting his upper lip.

"You can't just give out MY car like th-"

" Thanks boss!" Tented swiftly kissed Gaara on the cheek and was out the back door before Naruto could continue his rant. Stopping only at the door for a moment. "You know you look kinda good when I dress you." With a wink, she was gone.

" You think she meant me-"

"You wish."

" I think I hate you..." Gaara steadily dismissed his statement as he brought a hand to his cheek. Wisely deciding to decipher that later, he turned his attention back to his complaining companion.

"That's not the issue here. Explain to me why Anbu ROOT are assaulting me in my own coffee shop."

" _OUR_ coffee shop. And. Well..."

"Spill." Gaara was had closed the distance between the two at this point and had his arms crossed in an expecting manner.

"Kakashi convinced me. He called me up about a month ago with some contracting offers wanting me to post security on a few of his intelligence buildings."

"Hm. How much money did it take to "convince" you?"

"Uhh, about that."

 _'If he says for free. I may kill him.'_

"I did it for free. But wait!" Naruto held up his hands to push back and advancing Gaara. " I did it because he's our mentor man, I felt like I owed it to him."

"So on what level of gratitude is it custom to almost be killed!?"

"That's the thing! We caught more than a few ROOT guys trying to break in. Whatever they were trying to find must be the reason for all of this."

Gaara took his hands off Naruto and began to casually pace the room.

"So you think this has something to do with him being elected? That doesn't make sense, Kakashi doesn't have _that_ many enemies."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean someone doesn't want that kind of power for themselves." Naruto was serious for a change, his attention focused on the mystery at hand.

"Hm. We really need to get in touch with Shikamaru."

Almost in tandem, Naruto's phone began to ring.

 _"Oh no! We gonna rock down too electric avenue-"_

"No seriously. That's the ringtone you chose as an "adult?"

"When you pay my phone bill you can start micromanaging me short stack." Nature grumbled.

"Naruto answer the phone!"

"Oh yeah. Hey, look!" He pulled out his phone so that the caller idea was visible for both of them.

"Speak of the devil. Put him on speaker phone." Naruto proceeded to do as he was told as he took a chair, beckoning Gaara to join him.

"Hey Shika... where ya been?"

"Listen Naruto, is Gaara near you?" The typically chill Nara sounded frantic over the phone, bearing an out of character sense of urgency.

"Here."

"Good. The capital building just got some important news. The poison used to kill Hokage Tsunade was placed in coffee coming from one of your Coffee shops."

"Meaning?" Gaara demeanor was impatient, more questions were arriving without any clear means or answers.

"Well, the issue is. The last person to give the Hokage her morning coffee was a tall blonde, with blue eyes."

"Hey asshole, are you saying I killed Tsunade?! She's like a mother to me."

"No, you twit... Troublesome." The duo noted the physical breath and pause he took before continuing.

"It was a woman. Ino. Ino Yamanaka. And I know her personally. You need to find her before ROOT finds you. I'm not sure of her intentions, but the footage shows it to be her."

"Ino? Never heard of her." Although Naruto had a habit of forgetting most people he met anyway.

"And if she's on camera whys it matter? That's proof right there!"

"The only "proof" is that a ditzy looking blonde brought her coffee from YOUR shop. Catch my drift? If someone wants to blame you two, it wouldn't be too hard. You're pretty closely linked to Tsunade as it is."

"Good point..." Naruto reluctantly agreed.

 _'Yamanaka?' Gaara pondered._

"Wait. Where'd you say you knew her from Shikamaru?"

"Childhood friend, but I haven't seen here in Konoha in months. She runs a club on the east side, just across the street from Ichiraku."

"Thanks. Shikamaru we got to go, Naruto come on." Gaara slammed the phone shut and hastily tugged Naruto towards the exit.

"Wait what's going on? Do you know her?"

"She's the hot blonde who hates coffee!"

"Huh?" Yet another common case of Naruto forgetting individuals he just met.

"Forget it, let's go."

"... Oh... well, I'm driving." Naruto followed suit as Gaara made his way to public parking.

xXx

The ride to East Side was filled with eventless scenery and conflicting musical interest.

"Why the hell are we listening to Manson anyway? I'm in a good mood. Not an "I hate my life and parents" kinda mood."

A hard rock melody could be heard blaring from the car on the beautiful midsummer day. The genre itself didn't match the scenery, but a certain redhead didn't seem to mind it too much.

"My car. My music."

Naruto and Gaara were currently rolling down the street in Gaara's mate black camero. The interior was all burgundy leather and there wasn't an item out of place in his exceptionally clean car.

" Yeah, whatever... emo queen." Naruto mumbled under his breath, deciding instead to take his frustration out on the road, doing 70 in a 35.

"You realize the entire police station is probably on patrol for us right? Mind slowing the fuck down?"

Speak of the damn devil and he will appear.

Sirens blared as the duo zoomed by a seemingly empty city street.

"Um... oops." Naruto dared not look to the right of him in fear of facing the redhead's wrath. "It's ok! I can just outrun them, no police can keep up with this monster."

"And risk the whole city knowing our location? No, just pull over."

 _'I'm suddenly very aware why I never let him drive anymore.'_

"There." Gaara pointed to a nearby sales market, rows and rows of different food vendors were lined up against the curb. Squabbling restlessly to meet the demands of their many customers.

"Fine..." The car pulled to an abrupt stop on the curb of the street, clashing lightly with a nearby cabbage vendor. A bundle of fresh cabbages were sent rolling down the street as their owner ran after them.

'Or do anything for that matter.'

"MY CABBAGES!" The rather elderly looking man screamed in distress as Naruto sheepishly waved in apology as he backed the car up a considerable distance.

A cop strolled over to the car casually. One hand placed loosely on his hip holster, and the other brandishing a Konoha Police Department badge and ticket book. The tall brown haired man tapped on the car window lightly with an elbow.

"Evening gentlemen. Do you know why I pulled you over today?" The questioning officer didn't bother looking up at the boys from the traffic ticket he was jotting down.

"Look I'm sorry officer, I know I was speeding like an idiot but my mother just crashed- Hey wait a minute!"

 _'Is that?'_

"IRUKA! I didn't know you were working today big bro?" The officer in question raised his scarred nose over the bridge of his half-written ticket.

"Oh, Damnit Naruto! You can't go speeding around like that you little shit!"

The man was for a better lack of words at this point, gripping Naruto's collar through the window.

Ironically enough Iruka had served as Naruto's guardian for most of his life until he became a contractor. Iruka himself joined the Leaf Police Department to support him and his adopted son as soon as he was of age. The two had grown up together after Naruto's parents passed away. However, the relationship resembled more that of brothers and the officer occasionally visited his coffee shop to harass his little brother and keep him in check. The two shared mutual parent figures in both Jariya, whom they both saw as a father figure, and the late Tsunade, whom they both of them ended up working for at some point in their career.

"And what is this I hear about a SHOOTING?! You're coming with me." Iruka started pulling the blonde through the still closed car, yanking him roughly through the open window.

"Iruka I'm a PROFESSIONAL killer! Stop treating me like a baby!" Iruka knew full well of Naruto's prior career but refused to treat him as anything other than an irresponsible kid brother.

"WERE. You **WERE**! Now bring your ass on already."

"Iruka... we don't have time for this." Gaara said.

The man paused only long enough to look over at the passenger side.

"Gaara if you don't have enough "time" to explain to me why my kid brother is killing people like a lunatic on a damn Monday afternoon then I'll have to kick your little ass too."

"HAH! Told you you're tiny!" Naruto fell into a fit of chuckles before being promptly dropped on his head on the concrete from his suspended position in the window.

"... ow..."

"Spill Gaara. Before I Call Temari Down here."

"Iruka. We're not 13 anymore."

"Well, I guarantee her backhand doesn't care what age you are. Spill."

*sigh*

"All you need to know is that we're in a bit of a tough situation. I need you to trust us explicitly, otherwise, me and Naruto might not be making it home anytime soon."

"And why should I trust you on this?"

"Little help?" Naruto groaned from below, his face planted firmly on the ground as his feet sat stuck in the window.

Gaara continued on anyway.

"Because I've always been the responsible one." Gaara motioned one hand at the blonde as if in comparison.

"Fair point." Iruka placed his ticket book in his back pocket and held his chin in thought.

"Do I want to know?"

"Trust me when I say you might kill him where he stands if you did."

"You'll report to me within the day. I'm sure you're aware of the ENTIRE city looking for info on your location."

Gaara gave a nod in response.

"Take care of Naruto for me Gaara." Iruka paused as he picked Naruto up off the ground and started walking back towards his squad car.

"And you're driving!" Iruka yelled back over his shoulder.

"Thanks, Iruka." Naruto waved, still dazed from his fall amongst today's other events.

"I'll see you Sunday for dinner!"

Iruka doubled back before he could make it halfway.

"Naruto..." The older man embraced him.

"Find whoever did this. And make them pay." Iruka was a man of the law, but family always came first. Naruto saw Tsunade as a mother figure, so it was natural that Iruka treated her with the same respect.

"Without a doubt."

"I'll tell them you were spotted on the West Side of town."

xXx

"No seriously. What's the plan?"

Naruto had been pestering Gaara for about an hour now in nonstop traffic. The two had been treated to a hot afternoon on the highway with no real form of entertainment. Having thrown out their cells as not to be tracked by the police.

"For the hundredth time. " Gaara picked at his nails. Occasionally slamming on the brake after their two or three feet of movement.

"Find her. Kill her. Done."

"..." Gaara could feel the look of obvious disappointment burning into the side of his skull.

"What?" There was no answer from the blonde.

"Naruto. WHAT?"

"You know what! We don't go killing people off of a hunch. We need a confession. Or at the very least some fucking proof!"

"Yeah. I know. I just don't know where to start."

"Well actually. I might have some thoughts on that."

Gaara raised an eyebrow at his comrade. The thinking typically was left to him without much question, but he'd never been one to shoot down a good idea.

"Sooo, I was thinking."

"Yeah?"

 _'This better be good.'_

"That we go get some Ramen at Ichiraku."

"You must like being punched today-"

"AND. And. And! We scope out the joint. It's literally right across the street. Plus we know the owners. So it'd be ideal to hide out, right? I looked this place up before we tossed the phones. The "Lotus Bomb" it's some new club. We should wait until dark to make a move anyway."

It was on record that Naruto Uzamaki ate the more bowls of ramen per week at the shop than anyone in the ENTIRE CITY. So it wasn't entirely hard to see why hiding there would be out of the option. The Ichiraku staff treated him like royalty when he came through.

"How do I know you're not just hungry?"

 _'I know better than to think this was completely strategic.'_

"So what if I am? I'm still high as a fucking kite, and I'm grieving. I deserve this." It was true, Naruto's eyes were still glazed over. Either from the herb or the tears he'd been fighting back since that morning, Gaara would never know.

 _'I guess we can rack this up as our best option.'_

sigh*

"Soooo?"

"Fine."

"Yes!-"

"But you're buying."

 **xXx**

 **A/N: What'd you think of Iruka? I've always wanted the chance to write about him.**

 **For those already following: Some beta work had to be done, expect a fresh chapter in a week or so.**

 **Kudos if you're old enough to know the cabbage man.**


	3. Stakeout

"That's a trick question, right? YES I want the special, Ayame!" Naruto was grinning ear to ear as he embraced the young ramen shop waitress. A pretty brown haired girl who wore a plain apron and her hair back in a long ponytail.

"Oh and a bowl of whatever for my brooding friend."

"Coffee is fine Ayame." Gaara waved at the blushing girl currently caught in Naruto's bear hug.

"Naruto she can't breathe, let her down."

"Shit!" Naruto quickly released the girl, whom noticeably took in a desperate breath.

"It's ok Naruto. Just be a little more gentle next time?" The girl was currently holding one over her chest as she braced herself.

"No problem! Hey, can I ask you a favor?"

The girl perked up at the sound of his request.

"I'm certain you can. What's up?"

"Can we take the private booth upstairs? We might be here a while."

"No problem Naruto-kun, anything else?"

"Yeah..." Naruto's grin dropped as he got a little closer to her, all previous humor absent from his face.

"We're not here. And I mean if **ANYONE** asks, we're not here. Ok?" Ayame seemed confused but nodded regardless.

"Ohhh I get it. Is this." The girl pointed a questioning finger at the two of them.

"A date?..."

"What?! **NO** -"

"Not on his life dear. The media is just not on our side lately. That's all you need to know." Gaara responded while Naruto stood jaw open and awestruck at her accusation.

"Oh Okay then guys, this way."

xXx

The reality of the boys "stakeout" was that of extreme simplicity. Mainly involving Naruto eating copious amounts of ramen, and Gaara silently drinking bottomless pots of coffee.

"Looks pretty unimpressive if you ask me."

"Most clubs are during the day. You'd know that if you ever actually left the house Gaara." Gaara, however, ignored his statement in favor of sipping his coffee.

"Yeah, but those things called people? Not a fan. An antisocial introvert with insomniac tendencies probably shouldn't be around so many people anyway."

"I don't think you'd be such an insomniac if you didn't drink four pots of fucking coffee every day."

"Three. Three pots. And Naruto. Don't go there."

"I'm just saying bro, that's waaaay too much-"

"There's never too much!" Gaara slammed down his mug as he finished his 6th cup in their 2 hour stakeout.

"... you need a girl man."

"And you need to remember you have one before Sakura snaps your dumb ass in half."

"Oh, shit..."

"You just remembered you don't have your phone didn't you?"

Silence.

"Naruto?"

 _'He's probably processing his mortality right now.'_

"Gaara she's going to FUCKING MURDER ME!"

 _'Or thinking out his will.'_

"Can I have your truck if she does?"

"No Gaara seriously, I'm supposed to meet her parents today. I'm fucking DONE!" Naruto ran his hands through his blonde locks in a frantic motion.

"I'm sure she'll understand that her ex-contract killer boyfriend is being pursued by government assassins."

"You think so?"

Naruto face planted on the table when the unthinkable happened. Gaara busted out into a fit of laughter.

"Yeah, good luck with that." Gaara wiped away a tear threatening to drop from the corner of his eye. "Thanks, I needed that."

"I have to tell her. Like now." Gaara stopped his friend as he sprung out his chair to find the nearest telephone.

"That we're being hunted? I think not. It'll only make the situation worse. Plus, in case you don't remember, we're on a stakeout." Naruto reluctantly sat back down.

 _'I can't have him jumping the gun right now.'_

"Fine... hey look." Naruto pointed across the street from their topside view in the ramen shop."People are starting to go in."

 _'Yeah, but a really strange selection of people...'_

"Notice anything weird though Naruto?"

Gaara nodded at the advancing group of people in line, the line was already beginning to form as the sunset came in.

"They're all... chicks?" Indeed the line did seem to be made of primarily females. The occasional well dressed male breaking the seemingly endless streak of women.

"Isn't that like, batshit backward?"

"One would think so." Gaara said.

"Hey, Ayame." Gaara waved over the waitress who had just come up the stairs with another pot of fresh coffee.

 _'Bless her.'_ Gaara loaded his cup up with the pot once more.

"What do you know about the club over there?" Both eyes of the duo fixed on the endless line of people dressed up to go in.

"You mean the Lotus Bomb? It's like the biggest thing happening right now in the Konoha Nightlife. How do you not know about it?!"

Naruto cut him off before he got a chance to speak.

"Princess here doesn't get out much, he just broods in his room. And as for me." Naruto brought his attention back to the waitress. "Seems kinda girly. Doesn't it? Not my scene."

"Nothing's your scene if Sakura is just going to humiliate you in public regardless... idiot."

"Hey watch it-"

"Well actually." Ayame waited for the two to stop squabbling before continuing.

"It's kinda like a Sadie Hawkins kinda thing. All women are allowed, but males have to be escorted by a woman. Miss Yamanaka seems to be a bit more pro-woman than the average lady."

"You've met her?"

"Of course. She hosts every night without fail."

 _'That's definitely different. Explains why Shikamaru hasn't seen her lately.'_

"She comes and greets as many couples as she can. She used to bring this really handsome pale guy with her, but he stopped coming some time ago. "Sai" something I think?"

"Makes since why there are so many chicks then. But do you have to dress like that tool to get in?" Naruto pointed a questioning finger at one of the guys in line, who happens to be sporting a tacky hot pink suit, matching the female on his left who wore the same offending color.

 _'If my eyes could **vomit**...'_

Ayame held back her laughter with a blanketed hand to the mouth.

"Oh God no. But a suit of some sort is required." Ayame continued to laugh freely as she headed back downstairs to check on the other customers.

The two looked across the table at each other for a moment before Naruto broke the ice.

"Well. You heard her." The blonde rose and stair yes heading towards the staircase.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"To the payphone out back."

"To call who? Death incarnate."Gaara followed suit.

"Sakura is going to murder me when she finds out what we've been up today. AND that I need her to bring me on a date."

xXx

The phone call itself went about as expected. The pinkette in question had been yelling mercilessly through the phone at her "moronic" boyfriend for all the shit he'd gotten into.

" How'd it go?"

Naruto simply responded by digging in his assaulted ear with a pinkie.

"Just great... although I think both ears are fucked up now."

"So is she coming?" Gaara had been watching his friend be verbally abused for what seemed like an eternity, but what was in reality about 5 minutes.

Naruto sat down next to his friend on the pavement.

"She wants me out by next week."

"HAH!"

Hell froze over as Gaara began the impossible again. But this time his arm was met by a barrage of punches from Naruto.

"Hey, HEY! She's a bitch anyway! Stop your crying."

"Dick! At least I had a better chance of getting a date than your antisocial ass."

 _'Oh really?'_ Gaara said nothing as he made his way to the payphone and dialed a number.

"Yes, Tenten?" Naruto listened closely to Gaara's side of the conversation.

"We're going on a date, k? Mhm. Meet me at Ichiraku at nine-"

"There's no fucking way-" Naruto was busy mumbling under his breath in annoyance from the apparent success of Gaara's conversation.

"Oh and bring a suit for me and Naruto from the north side shop." The conversation went on for about another minute before he said his goodbyes and hung up, walking back over to his friend.

"See? Easy."

"I really think I hate you."

"Ah. And here I thought I was such a loveable guy."

"So what am I supposed to do then? Be the biggest third wheel ever?"

"She's bringing that Hinata girl you should've asked out in the first place."

Hinata being another girl that worked at their main coffee shop. A beautiful indigo haired girl that was obviously head over heels for the unknowing blonde. Gaara knew his relationship with Sakura was doomed for failure, but reluctantly he kept his opinion to himself and let him pursue the pink haired girl without discouragement.

"You got me a date?

"Unless you'd rather play the girl as my date."

"You? You really think you'd be the guy?? Fat fucking chance-"

"You're welcome." Gaara laid back on the ground in the security of the well secluded ally. Taking in the setting sun and the sound of the bustling Konoha streets. He casually fished out a joint from his front flannel pocket.

"Well, I'm sure as hell not doing this sober. That many people might literally make me combust." Gaara held out a hand to his friend who always seemed to have some form of fire on him, be it matches or a lighter.

"Do you really think she did it?" Naruto mentioned of course, Ino, as he passed Gaara his favorite frog lighter.

"If she did." Gaara took the first puff before passing it over to Naruto. "Then Tsunade will have justice served."

"Let's... let's not mention her until it's done." Naruto took a drag as he too found himself on the floor, looking up into bleeding blend of red and orange. The almost painted sunset being the first calming moment in a day of complete chaos.

Gaara could only be there for his friend as he silently grieved.

"Of course. Until it's done."

"Man." Naruto closed his eyes as he propped his feet up upon one another. Taking in the peace of the moment. "Today fucking sucks."

 **XXX**

"I look fucking stupid." Naruto fidgeted with the orange tie choking at his collar.

"What else is new?" Gaara retorted as he adjusted his own suit.

"Ok, fucking try me shorty. I've had enough of your shit today!-"

"I think it looks good Naruto. Here, let me help you." Tenten assisted the disgruntled man with the task.

Meanwhile, Gaara smoothed over his own black suit in the mirror. Fixing a perfect knot in his blood red tie. Taking care to make his hair especially disheveled and that his black cufflinks were perfectly in place.

The group was currently occupying the top floor of Ichiraku Ramen, which doubled as a living space. Ayame had been kind enough to let the duo stay there for the remainder of the night as a favor to Naruto.

"And what about you handsome, need some help?"

 _'Undressing maybe.'_

"Sure." Gaara discreetly undid his tie before he turned around.

"I can't seem to get this tie down."

"Well, I can help with that." Tenten gracefully closed the gap between them, standing up on the tips of her toes to reach the hem of Gaara's collar. Her hands carefully pulled him to her level as she fixed his tie, all the while keeping her eyes on his.

It came out even better the second time.

"You know, this might have been pretty nice if it was a real date." She said, giving him a wink before pulling away.

"What makes you think it's not?"

"Gaara don't tease, I know you're working..."

"I'm not the tease."

Tenten wore a beautiful strapless Manila dress that stopped short of her knees. Her typical double buns were let down into a long stream of chocolate brown hair that complemented her modest heels of the same manila shade.

"Oh stop, you'll make me blush-"

"Uhh, you know I can step out if you guys want." Naruto motioned over his shoulder to the door.

"No need. Hinata should be here soon anyway." Tenten answered quickly, distancing herself from Gaara.

 _'God damn it Naruto...'_

"Hey." Naruto was spinning around in front of the mirror. Looking himself over without the jacket on.

"Where the hell are you keeping your guns in this damn thing??"

xXx

Hinata showed up at exactly 9:30. She dressed in a strapped midnight blue dress that parted in the middle, dipping dangerously close to her lower back. Black flats were on her feet and shiny black studs were on either earlobe. Her hair done up in a simple bun atop her head.

"...Wow." Naruto's jaws was agape at the sight of her.

"Naruto be polite. Either close your mouth or say hello." Gaara gave him a rough punch to the shoulder before the blonde responded.

"S-sorry." Naruto snapped out of whatever temporary world he'd been caught in.

"Hey, Hinata. You look great!" He wasted no time embracing her. The hug being well received.

"Th-thank you Naruto. You look very handsome." The girl seemed about ready to pass out from the excess attention. "Um, Naruto... what is that?" Naruto quickly released the girl at her question.

"Oh yeah. That..." Naruto made his signature goofy smile as he rubbed both hands on the back of his head.

 _'Did this idiot really keep his gun in his waistband?! There are thigh rigs for a reason.'_

"Would you believe me if I said I was just happy to see you?"

There was silence, but the ultimate result was Hinata's blood red face at his brash question.

"Umm, Hinata?"

And then the slight thump as she hit the floor.

"Hinata! I was just kidding, I'm so sorry! Look." Naruto was busy waving the now fallen girl in his arms, trying to cool her down from her sudden fainting spell.

"It's my pistol! See?" Naruto waved the barreta he had concealed on his waist. But the result of this was less than favorable.

"It's harmless-"

"Naruto! Why on earth do you have a gun?!"

 _'Oh boy. Here we go.'_

The blonde thought long and hard before he answered. Helping the girl up off of the ground as he dusted down her disheveled frame.

"... protection?"

Tenten distracted Gaara for a while while the disaster of a conversation ensued.

"So why don't you guys just tell her what's going on?" Tenten asked as she gently nudged Gaara in the side.

"To say the girl Is a bit frail would be an understatement. It's probably best if she doesn't know. And besides" Gaara reached for a small glass of whiskey he'd prepared for himself, bringing it casually to his lips for his first sip of many. "You see how out of it he is? He can't trust anybody in this condition. And I'm not sure she'd be too excepting of our "bad boy" lifestyle like you are."

"I never said I liked bad boys..." Tenten muttered under her breath.

"Well, you never said you didn't either." Gaara ignored the stare he got for his bold comment as he finished his glass. Choosing to focus on the diminished wellbeing of his friend.

It was true. The day's events had taken a toll on the young man. With a death in the family and the added burden of having your own life in danger; it was no wonder why he was distressed as well as hesitant to trust anyone. His eyes where still brashly red from held tears and strange clouds. But he seemed to be trying to at least hold it together. Doing his best by bearing a fake, heavy smile and kicking back glasses of whiskey.

"Do you think that he should maybe slow down?" Tenten could more clearly see through Naruto's facade after Gaara's explanation and it raised her concern.

Naruto's stature was noticeably uncoordinated.

"Nope." Gaara looked at the emptiness of his own glass before pouring himself another.

"Um?" Tenten's facial expression begged an explanation.

 _'Large crowds make me nervous as hell, but she doesn't need to know that.'_

"This mission is purely for recon. I'd rather we both played the part. I'm not exactly the most... "social."

"I suppose that explains why it took you so long to ask me on a date then." Her snide remark, however, didn't go unnoticed.

Gaara only smirked at her as he continued to fly through his next glass.

 _'Definitely still got it.'_

"Interesting choice of words."

"Wait a minute! I didn't mean-"

"Hey, shorty! let's get this show on the road already." Naruto was anxious and ready to get things started. Waiting impatiently at the door for the duo, a nervous looking Hinata on his arm. "I don't have all night."

 **XXX**

The line to the Lotus Bomb was jam packed at this point. Wrapping around the nearby street corner on onward for another block or so. Bodies on top of bodies huddled together on the tight street side to get into the place and almost no one seemed to mind the wait.

Except for Naruto.

"How in the hell is this place so packed on a **MONDAY?** "

Naruto has been through a lot that day and it didn't seem to be getting much better. His mother figure was announced dead, his own brother had to assist him in his outlaw lifestyle, he'd been shot at on multiple occasions, his budding relationship with Sakura had come to a train wreck of a halt, and to top it off. He was still sky high and increasingly intoxicated as he stood in an uncomfortably hot suit, on an uncomfortably hot day, on the most uncomfortable day of the fucking week.

The line moved for the first time in ten minutes, moving the group of four forward about two feet.

"Man I fucking hate lines..." he muttered.

Hinata was borderline supporting the man at this point, tactfully keeping him afloat as she wrapped a gentle arm around his waist and guided him forward.

"Naruto, maybe you should slow down a bit." Hinata's concern didn't go unnoticed as Naruto gently squeezed back with his hand draped over her shoulder.

"Trust me Hinata, you don't want him to do that. He'll be just fine." Gaara spoke for him when the blonde didn't answer.

Instead, he straightened up a bit as he pulled a small silver flask from his jacket pocket and took a swig. A gift from his late mother.

"Yeah Hinata, I'll be A, ok." Naruto said with a little more enthusiasm, completely with an over the top hand motion for "ok" and putting on a big smile as not to upset the girl.

 _'If he doesn't pass out before we get in.'_

Gaara himself wasn't exactly... himself either. The prospect of large crowds didn't tend to sit well with him. Resulting in a great deal of indulgence on his part as well. Alcohol relaxed him and made it easier for him to open up to banter and other silly social activities. The later being the lighthearted flirting he did with Tenten as they waited.

Gaara and Naruto entertained their dates with conversation for another ten minutes before being interrupted by a large ape of a man in a black suit.

"Good evening Miss Hyūga. If you and your party would follow me to the front, we'll let you in immediately. Misses Yamanaka doesn't want such important social figures to have to wait in line."

"Oh! That's very kind of her." Hinata smiled up at her surprised date." Shall we?"

 _'Admittedly there was a tactical reason behind suggesting Hinata come with us. But I don't think he'll put two and two together.'_

Gaara in fact referred to Hinata's rather luxurious home life. Yes, she worked a humble job as a barista, but it was more to keep her busy while she attended school. She was 22 and easily one of the richest individuals in Konoha due to her father's impressive career as a high profile lawyer for many celebrities. Kakashi Hatake, Itachi Uchiha, and most importantly.

Inoichi Yamanaka.

xXx

The inside of the building was just as impressive as the hype. The lights were dimmed and the music was loud. But it didn't take away from the stunning decor that was in place. All white everything, full murals on the ceiling and a solid marble flooring. More a spot for rich people to lounge than a club. No later than after finding a table, their target arrived to greet them.

The devil herself was dressed head to toe in Prada.

xXx

Thoughts? Mistakes? Read, review, and (hopefully) enjoy. My revise is almost done for the next set.

-ST


	4. Shells

**Shells**

The mood dropped to the pits of the unknown as their mysterious host approached.

A slim form draped in a loose fitting Prada dress. Small yet graciously feminine, her curves slightly edging out around the hips and bust. The deep purple contrasted with the ghostly color of her light blonde hair. The flow of the dress looked almost mesmerizing over creamy pale skin, a deep v-neckline that stretched almost to her navel, only tightening around her perfect waistline via a thin black leather belt. Immaculately trimmed fingernails held a matching black leather purse between both hands. Her walk was fierce and driven, only notable because of the fierce look in her one visible, frost blue eye. Her platinum hair draped over the other, hiding it from view. The rest of her hair gliding behind her like a river of flared gold.

 _'Wow, maybe I was wrong this morning? Maybe she just had a bad day-'_

"Well hello Miss Hyuga, it's a pleasure to have you and such-" she took a moment to give a judging eye to the feast of her group. " _Unique_ company."

 _'... Yeahhh never mind. Still a bitch.'_

Gaara and Naruto both slammed back a glass of something dark to get through the chore of a _conversation_ that was at hand.

"Well thank you very much. I hope your father is doing well?" Hinata fell oblivious to the obvious condescending tone.

Her comment didn't go unnoticed by everyone. With a raggedy haired redhead, a recently battered blonde, and a very beautiful tomboy; the group was unique to say the very least. Hinata was the only one that looked natural at the fancy establishment. Having frequenting on more than a few occasions with her family.

"He's doing wonderfully thanks to your family. Say, I don't know any of your guests do I?" Ino managed to mention the group without so much as nodding in their direction.

Naruto interrupted Hinata before she even got the chance to open her mouth.

"Excuse me lady, do you know who I am?! I'm Naruto UZUMAKI. I own the most coffee shops in the-"

"Yeah, that's nice. And your name?" The blonde motioned toward Gaara whom was busy stifling back laughter from Naruto being so abruptly shut down. Hinata held his hand under the table to calm him down a bit. But between alcohol, a consistent high, and that compilation of the day's events. It was a miracle Hinata managed to keep him quiet with such little effort.

"You seem." The look on the woman's face seemed to drop a little in suspicion. The before mentioned superiority complex all but gone. Replaced with a questioning glare. _"Familiar?"_

Tenten urged Gaara to slow his alcohol consumption with a tug of his sleeve, but he paid her no mind. Throwing back more whiskey with Naruto before answering.

 _'Man there is a **lot** people here...'_

"Gaara." Gaara extended his hand out in greeting.

"Just Gaara? Isn't that a bit rude?" Into all but starred at the extended hand before Gaara pulled it back in.

Never one for disrespect, the conversation went south rather quickly.

"Well Miss Yamanaka, unless you plan to stop browbeating me, then I don't see the point in being "polite."

"Wait a minute. I know you from somewhere..."

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about-"

"No! You're that dumbass from the Coffee Shop!" Her black handbag slammed down on the table. Then rather suddenly lot of things seemed to coincide at once

First, the decorative vase on the table exploded into about a billion pieces. And then the shouting began. Ino's guest scattered in a crazed, rampant frenzy for the exit.

The second, being the fleet of Anbu ROOT that seemed to appear from every door in the building. Blocking in the guest, and popping shots into the ceiling to corral the crowd towards the center of the room. Roughly tossing people around and shouting out vague orders of control.

 ** _'Oh shit!'_**

"Get down!" Naruto shouted as he took Hinata to the ground with him. Ino stood her ground as her perfectly manicured nails bore holes into the wooden table, she seemed to all but shake with anger as she scanned the room for the cause of the sudden intrusion.

The third, being the two gunshots that peppered Gaara's shirt before he could get Tenten to the ground. Her screams filled the room like sirens and his body hit the marble floor with a wet smack of damp fabric and blood splatter.

 **xXx**

I could see Tenten's screaming face above, but I couldn't hear a damn thing anymore. I'm pretty sure I was hit a few times but oddly enough I can't feel anything. I expected my first bullet to hurt like hell, but know I couldn't even feel my own words leave my throat as I reached a limp hand out to her.

Definitely, the wrong move, because I'm pretty sure I passed out before my hand could even reach hers.

Ironically enough, the first thought that came to mind was Naruto. More specifically the complete disaster that was our first assignment together. I could remember that fresh hell like it was yesterday. Bullet casings riddling the floor as I clambered over him. My hands sweeping every part of his hyperventilating form. The boy had been hit by nothing but surprise, indirect small arms fire tagged him in the rib cage.

And now he was crying like a bitch on the floor.

"Jesus Gaara what the fuck hit me!? I'm dying aren't I? Awh fuck I'm dying!"

"Naruto." One hand maintained pressure on him to minimize bleeding while my free hand waved my pistol across the dark corners of the room. "Shut. Up."

"But I'm dying!-"

"You're not dying." The last living assailant crested an overturned office table and I immediately double tapped him between the eyes before he could do any more damage.

Just like that, our first contract was over, and if Naruto lived to tell the tale then it'd be a success. We didn't anticipate a small drug ring to have such beefed up security for our mark, but we still managed to take out him and all 6 of his thugs. A crude man by the name of Shukaku had been trading drugs for children in the area. Forcing them into unforgiving lives as slave labor on his distribution estates. Creeps like that are the things that keep me up at night. Creeps like that are also the reason I didn't mind the idea of killing for pay.

I was only 17 with a kill count of 3, and soon to be missing my only friend If I didn't act quickly. I'm pretty sure at that moment I fully comprehended mortality. It was one thing to train for this, but actually taking a life eliminated any ounce of innocence I had left and I don't think we've been the same since.

I stayed calm and radioed Kakashi to evacuate us as soon as humanly possible.

We sat there for 20 minutes. Half the time was spent convincing him he wasn't going to die. While the other half was spent discussing what materialistic bullshit we were going to spend or bounty on. More or less, he just wanted a bowl of ramen and all I found myself really needing was a cup of coffee.

Why this memory came to mind is beyond me. But one thing for certain. I took at least 2 bullets and didn't let out so much as a whimper. So Naruto really was just crying like a bitch...

But I'm the one passing out, bleeding, and tipsy on the floor of some overly hyped, uppity excuse for a club while the newest pop songs shot figurative rounds into my eardrums.

Why couldn't it have been a library? At least there I don't have to lay dying to the musical stylings of Taylor Swift.

 **xXx**

Naruto was busy shooting rounds over an overturned table. The multiple of hostile ROOT being his target. He was running through his supply of pistol ammunition at a rapid rate. Mostly laying down suppressive fire to delay the onslaught of advancing agents. "Gaara! I could use some help man."

Tenten's cries where all he got in response.

"Oh God, Gaara please wake up." The girl nudged pathetically at his collar, doing what she could to try and wake the man.

 _'I'm offended, they only sent 10? Am I a fucking petty thief or something??'_

Naruto ignored her distress and grabbed Hinata by the waist and whispered to her "Pleeeasee don't hate me." Before shoving his gun next to her head.

Naruto hurled threats in every which direction as held the Hyuga heiress snug against him. He had a hunch that the Anbu wouldn't pressure him much if he had a Konoha MVP captive, turns out his hunch was right. Their advance stopped immediately.

 **xXx**

 ** _Earlier that day_**

"So they're not the same thing?"

"Yes, Naruto. Marilyn Manson and scremo are two very different things."

"Elaborate." Naruto had been pestering Gaara's for some sort of reasoning for his alternative taste in music for about an hour.

"You're just trying to get me started-"

"No really Gaara. I honestly care." As aforementioned rock artist was currently blaring on the top floor of the Ichiraku Ramen shop as the two men got dressed. Tenten had left the two for a moment to call Hinata and give her directions to the shop. "Tell me more about how you hate your parents, why the world sucks and how God is poison."

"Naruto don't fuck with me." Gaara's always got stressed before a mission, specifically one involving so many people. Meaning Naruto's pestering was hitting tenfold.

"Ahaha how can I not?! You're a 24 year old emo! That should be like, physically impossible."

"Says the grown blonde baby."

"Oh noooo, my feelings-"

"Who listens to Taylor Swift."

Naruto's laughter stopped abruptly as his chuckle dropped and turned into an indifferent stare. Someone struck a nerve.

"Watch it guyliner. T-Swift ain't nothin to fuck with."

"It's insomnia. Not fucking guyliner-"

"Blah blah blah insomnia, blah blah issues. Are you ready yet?"

"Not quite. Hand me my vest. I'm not trying to leave this place looking like Swiss cheese."

 **xXx**

 _'Either irony is a bitch, or the impact knocked him out cold.'_

"Uzamaki, Naruto. You are under arrest for murder in the first degree. We advise that you release the girl and surrender." The vocal Anbu wore a white mask like the rest of them, showing no real distinction in rank or leadership.

"Yeah yeah guy, heard it all before. Do me a favor and stay where you are, or I'm putting an ounce of lead in her. Got it?"

Meanwhile, Hinata was a trembling mess in the arms of our blonde hero. Tears ran in streams down her face, taking a thin layer of smudged makeup along with it.

"Oh don't listen to them Hinata, I'm a professional. Not some deranged serial killer." That particular choice of words didn't seem to help much however as she began to shake in fear. "Hey, Douchebags, chill. You're scaring her."

 _'Man she trembles more than Gaara after his 3rd pot._ '

"And Oi! You, Blondy!" Naruto nodded sharply at Ino who had yet to move much in all the commotion. She'd quickly crouched next to a still intact table after stray bullets started whizzing by. Her demeanor was calm and her ice blue eyes never left Naruto's group for a second.

 _'Geez...that look could freeze magma.'_

"Approach my table, slowly."

 _'I'm not really sure what her role is in all this, but hell if we're leaving here without her.'_

"And if I don't?" Ino seemed unphased to say the least, crossing her arms in frustration at Naruto's commands. "You're making a mess of my building and scum like you don't even deserve to speak to me like that."

 _'Fiesty.'_

"Scum? You think scum can dress this damn sexy?" Naruto paused as he looked clear up at the ceiling, then quickly scanning the entirety of the room. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what, you lunatic?" Ino asked, not even bothering to humor the man by looking around. The Anbu however, scanned cautiously around the room.

"Is this T Swift? Because I fucking love this song."

Silence

Silence ensued. Well aside from the light bumping of "Bad Blood" in the background. The speakers in the corner being the culprit of Naruto's suspicion.

"You... you can't be serious." Ino's jaw dropped a little.

"As a heart attack. Lady just do as I say. I've had a long day. My moms dead, I'm stoned, I feel like shit, and I hate talking to pretty girls." A pause. _'Did I say that list but out loud?'_

"And frankly I don't feel like having to kill anyone else." At that, Hinata fell limp in Naruto's arms. " Oh." Naruto looked down at the unconscious girl. "And my dream girl is probably never going to talk to me ever again."

More silence.

"Fine." Ino begrudgingly advanced toward his overturned table. Not bothering to duck behind it once she reached him. "Now what genius? Going to take me captive too?"

"DING DING **DING**. We have a winner! Would you like to know your prize?"Naruto's upbeat attitude didn't falter even for a moment, his words were loud and his smile stretched from corner to corner.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? You've won an all expense paid date with Konoha's number one Knucklehead Bachelor!" Naruto then grabbed Ino in place of Hinata, placing the indigo haired girl down gently against the table."You should be so lucky."

"Lucky to have some perv's dick against my ass? You'll die a painful death when this is over." If looks could kill Ino may have murdered every occupant of the room. "You're ruining my dress and these goons are an eyesore."

"Oh relax, that's just my gun." Naruto had a firm arm around Ino's waist and both of her arms, making sure to keep her close, he wasn't about to let her slip away.

"You're gun is in your hand's jackass."

 _'Oh yeah... oops.'_

"Details details. Now call off your boys."

"What on god's green earth makes you think they're with me?"

"Besides you being an evil little girl that's linked to the death of our Hokage?"

"What? No. What possible reason do I have to kill Tsunade-"

"Um. guys." Tenten interrupted the bickering of the two, pointing to the group of Anbu that had slowly begun surrounding them. "I think we have a problem."

"So if they're not with me."Naruto slowly began to back up towards the wall behind them. "And they're not with you..."Giving the blonde girl a squeeze.

 _'Ah shit.'_

"You're going to get us killed. Aren't you." Ino tried making herself small in Naruto's arms, giving the aggressors a better line of sight.

"Have some faith woman. Tenten! I need you to reach into Gaara's pocket and grab his piece."

"Naruto!"

"His gun! Jesus what is wrong with the female race today?"

"Speaking of which." Ino turned and whispered discreetly to Naruto."If that really is an extra gun, you should give it to me."

"You're high-"

"No. I'm a good shot. And if you haven't noticed." She gave a slight nod to the Anbu that were very carefully blocking every available exit, shifting to get a clear shot on Naruto. "They don't seem to give a damn if I'm your hostage. And I don't feel like leaving here as Swiss cheese."

 _ **'Hah!'**_

"Oh. Well, I'm high... and I'm still not giving you a gun. Besides, it's not a gun." Ino made a sound of disgust. "Oh don't flatter yourself, this whole thing has me excited. The smell of gunfire really gets ya going, ya know?"

 _'Least I hope it's the gunfire.'_

"Tenten you got that gun yet?

"Ye-yeah. But I've only every shot targets Naruto. I don't think I can shoot somebody." Tenten brandished Gaara's favorite little black revolver.

 _'I probably shoulda clarified.'_

"Oh no your job is much simpler. Nut tap him."

"Come again?"

 **sigh**

"Take the heel of the gun." Naruto shook his own. "And tap him in the nuts with it. Quick like." Making a quick tap against the bulk of Ino's hair.

"Watch It asshole!" Ino was all but fuming in his arms.

"Chill out babe, you'll warm up to me. Hey! Do it Tenten."

"Babe? **BABE?!** I'm not your babe you dick-" Ino was cut off but yet another quick strike to the head.

"Naruto, don't think that's a-"

"Do it!" Naruto's attention darted all around the room as he barked orders at Tenten. "It's no time for him to be fucking sleeping!"

"Ugh, **FINE.** " With that Tenten delivered a quick strike to Gaara's groin.

Silence.

"Holy. FUCK!!" Gaara let out out a whelp of pain most would think impossible for the stout man.

"Wake up sunshine, we got company." Naruto couldn't even hide the shit eating grin on his face.

Gaara's first action was to take back his weapon and blast three rounds into the blaring stereo in the corner.

 **xXx**

 **A/N: SORRY, for the Swift fans out there, she makes me cringe.**


	5. Plan B

"You know, I thought we were good. The atmosphere was friendly, I got the feeling you were into me. And then you go and-"

"Damnit Gaara I said I was sorry!" Tenten was in a bit of a fit dealing with a less than enthusiastic Gaara.

"Then why in the FUCK did you nut tap me with a gun??"

"Because Naruto said too-"

"Naruto? NARUTO?!"

"Gaara shut the fuck up you crybaby." Naruto cried from his barricaded position.

The slight slur was obvious between the two. Between the copious amounts of alcohol and lack of proper rest between them, it was a wonder how they were even functioning at all.

"Fuck you Naruto, you can get shot next time!"

"Oh..." Naruto momentarily took his gaze off of the Anbu in the room, Ino, and everyone else as he stared open mouthed at Gaara. "Take. That. Back."

"No."

"Yes."

" **No**!"

" **YES**."

The group had entered their 15th minute of stand down with the Anbu. The infiltrators had yet to move since Ino had been taken hostage. Many men and woman were still cowering in fear and the only real noise going on was the banter between the irate duo.

Gaara took a deep breath as he wrangled back his serenity.

"Tenten." He said calmly.

"Yes, Gaara?"

"Have you noticed anything strange?"

"You mean, besides you freaking out like a spazz?" Tenten adjusted herself casually in Gaara's grip. One arm held her waist in place whilst the other held his gun to her head. It's not as if they would recognize her as their accomplice so in theory, this would keep them both safe for the time being.

"No, _dear._ " He rested his head on her shoulder so that only she could hear him. "They haven't bothered evacuating the civilians yet."

"Yeah, and?"

"They want this to be a closed incident. No choppers, no snipers, and I still hear nighttime traffic outside."

"So what does that mean for us exactly?" Tenten continued to put on her best "damsel in distress" facade as she fidgeted halfheartedly under Gaara's grip.

"Plan B. It means we commence plan B." Gaara shot the group of blondes a long hard look.

 _'Hopefully, that idiot will at least notice me staring at him like this... and hopefully, this Ino girl won't notice I'm looking at her too.'_

"Well do you plan on telling Naruto or are you just going to keep holding onto me like you miss me?" Tenten pushed further into him by the waist to prove her point.

 _'God help me.'_

"Nope. He already knows."

"Funny, because it looks like you were just checking that Ino chick out instead of signaling to Naruto."

"What?! No, I wasn't."

 _'I definitely was, but how did she know that? More importantly, how does Naruto forget somebody who's **that** attractive.'_

"Gaara don't lie to me. You're looking at her and I'm right here in front of you. Pig."

"Is this _really_ the right time for this? I mean honestly-"

"Ugh! Fine, you're a terrible liar... so you're telling me, that him." Naruto was currently swaying as he argued with a disgruntled Ino. "The obnoxious drunk blonde that I work for, is already in the know? And I don't even know what's going on?!"

 _'Better than you thinking I'm checking out a possibly homicidal Barbie.'_

"Tenten you have to understand we're like PB and j. I'm smooth and firm, he's loudly expressive and flexible. Perfect combo. Trust me, we're on the same page."

xXx

"So do you think he's thinking how much of an idiot you are for holding me and the Hyūga heiress as hostages?"

"... that has yet to be seen. And you make her sound like a princess or something?"

"She's literally worth **_more_** than one. You'd know that if you had any tactical presence whatsoever."

Gaara continued to stare daggers at Naruto from his hidden position a few feet away, taking refuge behind a turned over dining table. "Oh, would you look at that, that's the plan B look."

"There's no way you can tell that by a look." Ino said, dripping with a condescending undertone.

"That's where you're wrong blondy. Me and Gaara are kinda like PB and j ya know? I'm all creamy and sexy and he's like... clumpy? Anyway, I don't know where I was going with that. The point is, he knows everything I'm thinking, and I know everything he's thinking. Perfect combo."

"Is that right?"

"That's right babe."

"If you value your tongue, you'll use my name correctly.

 _'Oooohhhh scary.'_ Naruto wisely decided to keep his thoughts to himself.

"And who the hell calls peanut butter sexy?... freak."

"Obviously you don't look at peanut butter the way I do."

"If I die today. Remind me to haunt you in Hell Mr. Uzumaki."

"Awh you remember my name?! How sweet." The man's grin was genuine as he beamed down at the smaller blonde.

"I typically remember the names of people I'm going to kill."

"Oh? Imagine me, assassinated. If Kakashi could see me now-"

"Assassination would imply you were important."

"Everyone's important to someone, and I suggest you watch your choice of words." Naruto deadpanned. "So tell me. Who killed her?"

"It wasn't me... I'd never killed someone as impactful as her. Even I have my limits." Ino noticeably limped in his hold at the mention of the late Hokage. "Being a secretary in her office was my day job."

"You? A fucking secretary? Cut the shit. Who are you?"

"She gave me my first contract, about 2 years ago. Lately, she's been having me snuff out people in here political circle as of late."

 _'So she does "claim" to be an assassin.'_

"Why on Earth would she do that?" He asked more to himself than anything.

"She wouldn't tell me. But I think it might have gotten her killed."

"Bullshit. Grandma told me about every bitch and gripe in her day to day. I'm pretty sure she'd mention a bossy blonde with an attitude problem-"

"There's a picture of you on her desk... you, her and Jariya." Naruto could feel her tremble a little as she continued.

 _'Is she crying?'_

"She talked about you every day, she would always say son and never Naruto... I just didn't know." She paused a minute to wipe away a stray tear.

 _'Maybe she didn't kill her?'_

"Didn't know what?" He'd hug her if it wouldn't give her position as a hostage away so easily.

"I didn't know the man she took so much pride in would be such a fucking **idiot!** "

 _'Or maybe she's a complete bitch. It was a 50/50 chance I suppose.'_

"Are you always this charming? Or am I special?"

"Eat me."

"Only if you promise to call me the next day." The laugh Naruto gave made the Anbu shift uncomfortably as they still unsurely aimed their guns at the two.

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Oh, believe me, my ego's got to be through the roof for this line of work. So tell me, how do I know your telling the truth? Convince me that you actually are who you say you are." Rather than continue stalling Naruto got straight to the point. "Momma didn't raise a fool."

"How?" Ino was fed up, but even she could see that Naruto's stubborn attitude couldn't be ignored.

"Tell me something only Tsunade knows about me."

"You're serious?"

"Does the gun to your head not portray seriousness??"

"You're still scared of your older brother. Iruka I believe is his name."

"He's a cop, and his voice can literally shatter glass. So who isn't? Next."

"Um. You apparently have a thing for bossy chicks, Tsunade said you brought some hot headed pink haired girl to Sunday dinner. Completely emasculated you every chance she got."

 _'Low blow...'_

"My Facebook is public knowledge. Besides, if that were true I'd be all over you wouldn't I?"

"You are, you idiot-"

 **"Next!"**

Ino took a deep breath as she tried to ignore the volume of the man's voice and the harsh stench of alcohol that oppressed her nostrils when he spoke.

"That necklace you're wearing. The one you're always wearing, is the most precious thing she's ever given you."

Naruto, in fact, did receive a small crystal blue pendant some birthdays ago from Tsunade. A gift that had been passed to her and something that she wanted Naruto to have now that he was a man. He's worn it every day for 3 years without fail.

 _'Gaara doesn't even know I still wear it..'_

"How'd you know that?"

"I'm telling the truth." Ino's conviction was clear as her voice was firm.

"Fine. You just earned yourself a temporary spot on the team Miss Yamanaka." Naruto gave her a congratulatory squeeze before looking over to Gaara, sending him a quick wink.

"Misses Yamanaka, actually." Naruto's smile dropped a little at this.

"Lucky guy-"

"He can go to Hell." Her fist balled into a knuckle white grip, and he could see the clench of her jaw as she spoke. "Straight. To. Hell."

"Oh... well I guess we'll meet him there in about 20 seconds."

Ino chanced a look at the man as she turned her head in question. "What the hell do you mean?"

"We're taking a trip!"

Naruto let go of his tight grasp on Ino, instead placing a loose arm around her neck while swiftly bending down to throw a still unconscious Hinata over his shoulder. Both Naruto and Gaara slowly shifted back towards the wall behind them.

"You see gentlemen." Naruto projected loudly to the men surrounding them. "You've made a vital mistake."

Gaara spoke as they approached the wall.

"You fucked up our shop, disrespected us in our own establishment, SHOT me and what's worse? You have me out in a club, with so many... people."

"Oh Gaara, don't be so dramatic..." Tenten muttered under her breath.

"Don't complain, this is the closest you're getting to a slow dance out of me." He whispered, pulling her carefully along with him.

Naruto reached the same spot not too long after. "You scared Hinata, caused my girlfriend dump me-"

"Probably your own fault." Ino interjected.

"You got me stuck with this uppity **brat.** "

"Hey!" Ino barked.

" **AND,** to top it off, I fucking hate Mondays. So in short, you goofed. You really fucking goofed."

"My blonde friend and I will be leaving with these lovely hostages now. So welcome to plan B everybody. And B stands for-"

" **Boom** , bitch." Naruto let out a cackle as he gave a snarky smirk to the force in front of him.

The majority of the floor in front of them suddenly gave way as a large explosion crumbled the marble into pebbles. Dropping about ten feet into a full tunnel. All available light in the building went out simultaneously as the sprinklers soaked everyone in the room. Panic ensued as the crowded clubs members began to scatter in every direction, drowning the Anbu in a sea of bodies. Screams and chaos took over as no one could really see the cause of the sudden destruction.

Naruto smirked as he released his hold on Ino. Both Gaara and Naruto then gestured toward the gaping hole."Ladies first."

xXx

 **A/N: you can stop voting now. I've decided NaruIno, GaaTen. With maybe a little bit of GaaIno. (I reserve the right to change the end game) Thanks for all the reviews/comments. I was surprised by the support behind it. They're greatly appreciated and honestly keep the story going a good bit faster.**

 **Reviews: The votes are important but thanks for those who realize this isn't really a romance. It's a nice factor, but it's not exactly the main focus. The relationship between Naruto and Gaara is more important as well as the adventure aspect. The constructive criticism some of you gave was pretty dope and hopefully I can get more of that.**

 **Thanks all. Peace- Sober T**


	6. Uber

Ino Yamanaka was what some might consider the height of elegance. Her outfit was always immaculately coordinated. Styled in luxury and self-anointed in superiority. Poised in all matters womanly. A real leader that was persistently in charge of herself and her surroundings. Where she walked, many followed. When she spoke, everyone in the room would listen. Except for today. Because today.

"Hurry the fuck up blondy!"

Today she was running for her life through a shit infested tunnel with complete strangers who may or may not have infiltrated her establishment to try and kill her.

"Oh, happy day." Her expensive heels simultaneously stuck securely to a thick layer of sludge.

 **"UGH!"**

"I said move your ass!" Naruto doubled back to pluck the girl straight out of the slime, leaving her expensive Jimmy Choo's behind and tossing her over his shoulder.

"Are you literally insane? Those heels are worth more than your cheap ass suit!!"

"We have _literally_ half an hour to meet up with Shikamaru or we're as good as dead."

"Wait. How do you know Shika?" The woman stopped her pounding on the man's back at the mention of the name.

"You're kidding, right? Shikamaru is the fucking MAN. He does all the nerdy technical stuff for our missions. Our poindexter, wiz kid, the guy in the chair-"

"She gets it!" Shouted a peeved Gaara from the front of the pack, whom was currently running full speed with Hinata over his own shoulder and Tenten trailing just behind him.

"Small city... Nerdy technical stuff?..."

"Yeah, like blowing the pipeline beneath your club so we could kidnap you-... escape. So we could escape."

"Escape... Plan B was your initial plan wasn't it?" Ino said, more of a statement than a question really. She'd grown still on their commute through the tunnel, shifting from an embarrassing position over his shoulder to the classic piggyback style with a death grip around his neck much to his dismay. "You did all this because you thought I could bring harm to lady Tsunade?"

Naruto remained quiet. His stride was firm as his breaths where rhythmic. He was focused purely on their egress but he did offer a shake of the head in acknowledgment.

"I had to be sure. Had you not convinced me back there, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Gaara wanted you 6 feet under already, no questions asked."

"Hmph. You're awfully confident for a man who has a trained killers arms around his neck. What's to stop me from snapping you out of existence. If you're so _sure._ "

Ino had no intention of hurting the man, but she was rather curious in his reasoning to trust her. Sure she knew some things about him, but was it really enough to obtain his trust so easily?

"Because, I've taken the lives of some good men today. Men who were probably just following orders, men who may have worked with Tsunade or myself. Or possibly even had a vendetta against me for one reason or another. Good men that kissed their spouse goodbye today... it'd be just." Naruto said as he kept a steady pace with the group in front of him. "But one things for sure." He paused.

"What?" His words didn't really sit well with her. Hearing someone who was so aware of the heinous actions they'd committed wasn't exactly commonplace in her profession and to see a man so ok with the idea of death due to many years of spent luck was almost humbling.

"Touch me like that and I'm tossing you in the sewage." Naruto let out a laugh at the notion, stopping to take in a breath at the thought of the much smaller female attempting to snap his neck.

Ino's jaw dropped at the sheer nerve of the man.

"Man I really shouldn't drink so much on missions, I feel like an old man. Gaara wait up!"

 _'If he wasn't Tsunade's son I'd break him in half.'_

"I'll pretend you didn't say that for the simple fact that I don't want to run an unknown amount of miles after dumping your body in the current."

"Keep talking to me like that and nobody will be walking after this is over-"

"We're here!" Gaara shouted.

The group stopped at a cut off cement wall with an opening that separated a flow of sewage between tunnels. Connecting the two between a metallic bared fence, adjacent to a little wooden ladder that led up to an open manhole in the ceiling.

"Well hello assholes, you called an Uber?"

At the top of said hole was Shikamaru. Clad in an all black hoodie and jeans as he held his hand out to Tenten who was the first to surface.

"Did you have to pick such a far fucking exit point? I'm sweating bullets over here man. This chick is really fucking heav-"

"Naruto!" Shikamaru warned. "You don't want to finish that sentence."

Sure enough, Ino went rigid as the larger blonde spoke. Waiting oh so patiently for him to finish an insult that may or may not mean the end of his life. Naruto noted the stone cold demeanor and instead steadied up the ladder with Ino on his back. A large gulp caught in his throat as he realized just how tight Ino's hands were around his collar.

"Ignore them. You got the wheels?" Gaara asked as they all eventually surfaced in a seemingly empty parking garage.

"The coups around the corner. Let's go." Shikamaru lead the way. "Oh and you can leave the Hyuga girl right over there." He pointed to a parking garage booth with an incapacitated guard inside. "No need in having extra baggage if we can help it."

"Gladly." Gaara said, handing Naruto the sleeping heiress.

Naruto found a suitable spot in the booth to set her down, taking his time to make sure she wasn't seated in a way that would be uncomfortable when she awoke. "Sorry Hinata. Thank you for being such an amazing date though... please don't hate me." Naruto said, kissing the sleeping girl on the head before taking off.

"Shotgun!" A wobbly Gaara shouted.

"Not on your life short stack. I'm not getting stuck in the back with Panda and She Devil." His words, however, fell on deaf ears and burning eyes filled with loathing as Gaara hoped into the front seat before he was even halfway to the car.

"Just kidding about that "She Devil" part... kinda."

"Window!" Tenten dashed to claim her own spot. Giving Naruto a develish smile as she left him to deal with a testy Ino.

"God damn I hate both of you." Naruto said more to himself as he opened the door and took his cramped spot in the back. Holding his hand out to Ino, offering the only spot left.

His lap.

 **xXx**

The group cruised off around in a beat Mini Cooper, Gaara passed out in the front and Tenten doing the same slumped against the window in the back behind the driver's seat.

"Don't get your hopes up." Ino grumbled. Shuffling uncomfortably atop Naruto in the cramped seat.

"Something's definitely up..."

"What'd the Hell you just say?-"

 _'Me and Gaara should reaaally stop saying shit out loud.'_

"I _said."_ Clearing his throat. "Can you not move so much? You're making me kinda uncomfortable."

Ino stopped cold, postponing her readjustment to grit out cold words of warning to the larger blonde. "Was that another fat joke?"

"We both know the only thing fat about you is your ass."Naruto muttered under his breath.

The result being the two elbows Ino threw at his gut. "You fucking pig, take that **back.** " She shouted, preparing to toss another, this time aimed at his head.

 _'Fuck that's hurts like a bitch! Think you dolt!'_

"I **said take it back-"**

"Hey, Shikamaru! Next stop, tacos!" Naruto blurted.

Gaara sprung to life. Grabbing Shikamaru by the shoulder, almost veering the car of the empty highway road.

" **TACOS!"**

Shikamaru yelled as he shoved the redhead back into his drunken sleep against the window. Grinding hard against the rugged road barricades to maintain control after the man's sudden outburst. The commotion was enough to halt Ino's assault on Naruto. "Holy shit Gaara! Calm down, we'll get some tacos."

' _Oh Gaara, you beautiful bastard. You saved my life... It's almost as if women don't know that's a compliment these days.'_

"It's almost two. Two in the fucking morning, and you want tacos?" Ino questioned.

"Not just any tacos. Choji's tacos." Shikamaru piped in as he made a right off the interstate. "No place better to lie low than a local food joint."

"Shika you're not helping..."

"Love you too Ino." Shikamaru didn't pay the blondes obvious irritation much mind as he kept his eyes on the road as well as the now unpredictable Gaara.

"Go to hell."

"Hey calm down. He's just trying to help-"

"No, you calm down Uzumaki. This isn't the time to be fucking around, getting _tacos_ or sitting on some pervs lap in a shitty Cooper. Or-Or."

"Woman. A: It's always the time for tacos. And B: have you seen your dress?? There's nothing "calm" about it."

 _'Is he really trying to flirt with me right now?! The fucking nerve of this guy.'_

"Do you expect a "thank you"? For me to get all mushy over your stupid compliment? I host a club full of beautiful men and woman every day you-" Ino stopped for a moment when realized she was talking to herself. Naruto had since fallen asleep under her with an arm wrapped securely around her waist in place of a seatbelt as his head rested gently against the window and her right shoulder.

 _'Typical boy, can't even be bothered to hear what I have to say.'_

"Ino, these aren't your run of the mill bodyguards. They aren't as passive as me, or some lackey at your club. They know what they're doing. You should just chill out and enjoy the ride, troublesome woman."

"Whatever Shika." Ino began to sink in the depth of her runaway status. Her own country was surely out for her arrest now and that suddenly seemed a bit more sobering. She took in the streetlights of a barren North Konoha city as Shikamaru blasted through street lights and stop signs.

"How's Mama Nara?" She asked, distracting herself from her thick stream of issues.

"No more of a nag than Temari I suppose. Speaking of which." He shot a stern glare over his shoulder. "Neither of them will know about any of this. Understood?" Ino nodded before he continued. "Mom wants you by for dinner as soon as possible too."

"Ok..." Ino realized she hadn't seen her good friend for a better part of the year, and seeing a familiar face at a time like this was pretty reassuring, to say the least. "Shikamaru?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Of course. Get some sleep, we're going ways away and you're going to need your energy to keep up with these clowns."

Before Ino knew it she was was asleep with the rest of the group in the cramped car.

 **xXx**

"Hey, are you asleep?" Naruto prodded, whispering loudly at the smaller blonde on top of him. But a slight groan and shift of the shoulders were all he got in response as she melded further into him. "Oh thank god, I thought I was going to have to play dead the whole ride."

 _'Although I have to admit, she's actually kind of fun to fuck with when she's awake.'_

"Shikamaru what's the ETA?"

"About 8 minutes." Shikamaru said. "Here, I got you guys some burners." He tossed a black flip phone over his shoulder to Naruto.

"What the hell is this dinosaur? It's even older than this shitty car." He said, wiggling the small phone around in his free hand, the right still keeping Ino in place.

"It has Electric Avenue on it, so quit your bitching. What's your next move?"

"... Are my weaknesses that obvious? And. Hm. About that."

"I'm not planting any more bombs Naruto."

"Hold on, hold on. I didn't say you had too. I just uh, haven't figured it out yet."

"What?!" Shikamaru ahoy him a glare through the rearview mirror. "You realize that's kind of fucking important right? You can't go around blowing up shit and just expect to find who did this by accident."

"Sure I can, in fact. I think this whole fucking town should get blown up!"

"You're drunk."

"No, you're drunk... dick."

"...Right."

"I'm wasted actually, but that's besides the point. There's a bright side."

"Oh, do tell." Shikamaru took a mental note to calm down, this was a drunk Naruto he was talking to after all.

"It's Gaara's turn to pick a plan. The stakeout AND the bombs were my ideas. Plus we got Barbie here." He beamed back through the rearview mirror. "So maybe she can give us some leads ya know?"

"You want me to leave the planning to a man who just tried to just rear us off the road... for fucking tacos?"

There was a long silence in the car. So long that Shikamaru assumed Naruto has begun to finally doze off for real this time.

"Naruto? Wake up-"

"You **_have_** had Choji's tacos before, right?"

"... For fucks sake. Naruto, we're here."

Shikamaru pulled into a fairly empty parking lot alongside a long one red one story building. The sign atop the building held a huge black cauldron full of cartoonish mystery foods and words in a big red font that read "Ackimichi's".

"You know." Naruto looked down at Ino, her face resembles a genuine feeling of peace as slow breaths eased out with every gentle push of her chest. "She's actually kinda cute-"

"Married." Shikamaru interjected.

"But she said he could go to-"

"Married. Naruto, She's Married."

"Oh come on man! Haven't you seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith? That could be us, this is my chance man!"

"You realize they try to kill each other most of the movie right?"

He had to admit the weight of her against him felt nice and he could definitely tell she wasn't skipping leg day by the firmness of her body.

"Semantics. Let a man dream damnit." Naruto attempted to gently undo his seatbelt without waking her until-

" **BEHOLD."** Gaara shouted, waking the rest of the car's occupants up. Hands smacked in awe against the car window. "The land of **_God._** " Ino jumped straight up and out the car in record time at the sudden outburst. Grabbing at her chest to keep her heart from bursting from its cage. Surprisingly, Gaara attacked his seatbelt with the same haste to try and get out just as quickly.

Unsurprisingly, drunks aren't very good with such simple task.

"Oh dear..." Tenten took her time getting out, walking over to his side of the car and assisting him with the simple task. "You really shouldn't try to keep up with Naruto, you know you're a lightweight." She said, pulling her boss by the arm out of the car.

"Lies! I can out drink that brat any day! Let's go Naruto, we got shots to do. **HoOoOo**!" Gaara yelled uncharacteristically as Tenten took one of his slumped arms over her shoulder.

"Nahhh I think your done bro." Naruto himself stumbled out, Be he was noticeably more put together than the eager redhead. Walking past the two to go into the diner. "Behave, Tenten doesn't have a lot of patience!" He threw over his shoulder before walking in.

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Come on Gaara, let's get you something to eat." Tentens offer did its means of distraction perfectly.

"You _beautiful_ woman, lead on!"

"Oh, so I'm only beautiful when I'm offering you food huh?" She smiled up at the man, not really taking his compliment for much in his current state.

"No no no, you're absolutely fucking **gorgeous** when you pour my coffee."

"Of course." She rolled her eyes.

 _'I swear, anyone could win his heart with a fucking Keurig.'_

"And, when you're doing just about anything really." Gaara found a moment of sobriety to look at her with a hopeful look in his eyes. Her face softened a little as she leaned her face towards his.

"Really?" She said. Putting on an even bigger smile as Gaara's face got even closer to hers.

"Really." He leaned in to kiss her but instead found her lips next to his ear.

"You're sooo not getting any with a line that cheesy you drunk." Tenten giggled to herself as she pulled a deflated Gaara to the front door.

xXx

 **A/N: lol a little late but it's here. I already had the next chapter in mind, but a transition of sorts had to be made.**

 **Thanks guys for the Bomb ass reviews, it helps a lot. I'll see you all soon. Peace- T**

 **P.S.- Ahaha I love drunk Gaara**


	7. Sleepover

**A/N: Strangley enough, I intended for this to be only slightly humorous, but it definitely escalated into something I enjoy writting light hearted comedic moments into.**

 **Thanks as always for the reviews and support guys. Lol some of you just let me know how much you like it and that's a fucking awesome feeling. And some have been giving me pretty solid advice. So thanks to all(:**

 **Next chapter will hopefully introduce a character or two. Also, if you like the Naruto and Gaara Duo, I got something a little more serious(and wayy darker) I've been writting. "Interview with a Dead Girl" check it out.**

 ** _Read, Review, and (hopefully) enjoy._**

 **xXx**

 ** _Earlier that day_**

"You know. I don't think this is a good idea. Just putting that out there." Gaara was busy picking through a book Ayame had brought him as he and Naruto waited for Tenten to arrive be with their clothes.

"How so?" Naruto asked. Busying himself by pacing ever so diligently across the small loft.

"I mean, don't get me wrong. I like bombs as much as the next assassin. But can't we just kill her and be done with it? I'm not in the mood for a _chase_. And it's not like the Anbu even know where we are."

 _'Though it would be a waste. The girl was, if nothing, easy on the eyes.'_

Naruto pauses his walk to consider this, bringing a thoughtful hand to his chin as he looked out across the street at their targets residence.

"How can you be so sure about this? I just think an egress plan is more practical if she's not the one."

"And how are you going to clarify that exactly? Read her mind?" Gaara put his book down to study the same scene as Naruto. "And since when the hell did you become so rational??"

"I'll just... ask her some questions? I don't know, I haven't thought much about it."

"Shocker."

"Shut up. Something about all this just feels... wrong. Her death, our suspect, a fucking nightclub? I'm letting Shikamaru know it's a go."

"If you get blown up again don't come crying to me..."

"One time Gaara! One time I lose my eyebrows and you hold it over me or the rest of my life?"

"Nope. It was just nice to know you knew my struggle for once."

"... oh yeah."

 **xXx**

"Make yourselves at home guys." Choji Ackimichi directed the group to a rather large break room in the back of his restaurant. Equipped with two large couches, a couple tv's and of course a large round dining table with plenty of chairs. "I like my workers to be happy, so this room is a little more extra than what most expect. Go ahead and go crazy, just don't break anything." Choji said as he placed a full plate of fish tacos and a pitcher of beer down at the table. Naruto trailing behind him with cups and Shikamaru with linen for everyone.

Choji was a fairly large man. Stand firm at about 6 foot, the man was easily 250 plus pounds of humble cook. The restaurant they all found themselves in was the result of plenty of years of dedication and patience.

"Thanks big guy, me and Gaara owe you a favor somethin huuuuge."

"I trust you'll keep that favor in mind when I'm ready to expand?"

"Is that even a question?" Naruto hugged the large man. "I've been waiting for you to start another Ackimichis for a fucking year now!"

"Glad to hear it." The man let out a thunderous laugh. "It was good seeing you both." Looking between Shikamaru and Naruto. "And of course my best customer." He said, eyeing Gaara in amusement as he made quick work of four tacos at the table.

"Same brother. Thanks for having us." Shikamaru shook his hand and the man prepared to leave.

"The shops closed tomorrow, so just be sure to lock up when you leave. I should really get home before the wife loses her shit."

"Peace." Naruto waved the man out as everyone gratefully got situated around the room.

"Don vake me before tree." Gaara waved up two wobbly fingers at Naruto while mouthing through a mouth full of fish taco. Whether it was meant to be a peace sign or a failed 3, Naruto would never know. Climbing lazily across a long couch, Gaara's head eventually found refuge in Tenten's lap. The rest of his taco plopping unceremoniously on the ground.

"Um, excuse you. Do I know you, sir?" Tenten teased. Giving up however on her banter however when she found he was fast asleep in seconds. Taking to rubbing a hand in small circles on his back rather than bother waking him. "When did he even drink that much?"

 _'This is strange... even for him. I've never seen him so much as space out, let alone sleep.'_

"Probably as soon as you woke him up after taking a couple rounds to the chest. Just let him be, he usually only sleeps like three nights a week anyway." Naruto stated.

"That can't be healthy." Shikamaru muttered as he took a bite of his own taco.

"What isn't _healthy,_ is if his stupid tacos gets on my dress. It took me forever to pick this out, and I'd hate to have to kill him over it."

Ino gave the brunette a long quizzical look from the couch opposite of her.

"Did you dress up all nice just to come ruin my establishment?" She paused to look down at Gaara who currently slept wide-mouthed and unmoving. "Or perhaps you wanted to get dolled up for your _gentleman_ of a boyfriend?"

 _'Strange, at first sight, I thought he was more suave than this. Alcohol and him must really not agree.' Ino thought to herself._

"He's not my boyfriend! He's my boss..." Her face flared at the sudden comment, the ground suddenly became a lot more interesting as she avoided Ino's gaze entirely.

"He makes you call him boss huh? And I thought Naruto was the weird one." Shikamaru chimed in.

"No, it's not like that at all-"

"So what does he call you then? Employee or somethin? That seems bland." This time Naruto was the one to question the odd relationship. "Or oooh "Miss Manager!? I guess that's kinda sexy."

"Naruto. Shut. Up-"

"Well aren't you her boss also, Naruto?" Shikamaru's face was open with shock at his realization. "Don't tell me she treats you _both_ like _that_?!"

"Shikamaru I just met you, don't make me hate you already-"

"No no no, don't get me mixed up in their crazy sex escapades." Naruto replied. He and Shikamaru both steadily ignoring Tenten's cries of discomfort with the topic.

 **"Sex escapades?!"**

"Well it's better than that "Daddy" trend the kids are into these days, now _that's_ unhealthy." Shikamaru and Naruto both seemed to agree on this as they ate peacefully at the table in the break room, nodding heads at each other's brash assumptions.

"Yeah, I can't really see Gaara demanding that much respect-"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!! **UGH!** " Tenten's outburst earned her a wide toothed smile from Naruto, a lazy glare of acknowledgment from Shikamaru and strangely enough a scoff of what seemed like laughter from Ino.

"Jesus it's like you two are God damn children-"

"Baby." Gaara, still very much asleep, shifted his torso higher to cradle Tenten's lower half with both arms as he nuzzled his head against her stomach. "Too loud." Tenten looked down at him in shock and then around the room, mouth agape in slight horror. His tamgled locks still in her hands as he got comfortable.

"I-I swear he never calls me that!" She spurt out.

 _'He's. So. Close._ ' Tenten's typically bronze complexion heated to match Gaara's unruly red.

"Baby, huh? How basic." Ino held a genuine smile at the scene as she fought back laughter.

"Gaara you sly dog! Way to tell your friends? A Hole." Naruto proposed a toast to the man across from him. "To them!" as he and Shikamaru washed down the remainder of their food. "He's lucky this dinosaur flip phone doesn't take photos."

Tenten merely leaned her head against the couch in defeat. What's worse is that the Nara and Ino had met her only today and they were already making fun of her mercilessly.

 _'You would choose now of all times to show me some attention? Jerk_.'

"Just tell me where the first aid kit is, assholes." Tenten lifted Gaara's head up carefully as she stood up. "I need to wrap his torso up, those shots probably did a number on him."

"Man I wish Sakura was that caring... try the pantry over there." Naruto said, jabbing a thumb in its direction.

Tenten swiftly got to work putting a tight compress on Gaara after finding the for-mentioned Med kit amongst the dozens of snacks and seasonings in the pantry. Stopping only once she was satisfied the the complex patch job around the man's upper body. She took back her spit back after all was done and a very grateful/passed out Gaara took her waist back in between his arms.

"So how do you know Choji anyway? I was surprised you even knew what Ackimichis was. Let alone frequented here." Shikamaru asked Naruto on the other side of the room.

"HAH! Small world Shika, me and Gaara own about a third of this place. We funded his startup two years ago, and it's one of the best investments we ever made." He gave a nod to the mentioned redhead. "Plus, that A Hole is picky beyond all belief. But if Choji puts something in front of him, he's eatin."

"Interesting. I grew up with him, he was one of my best friends through college. Strange that he never met sunshine over there." He jabbed a thumb in Ino's direction.

"My _name_ is Ino. You know this."

"Yes ma'am, Mrs. Boar."

"Shika... don't make me hurt you."

"So sunshine." Naruto interrupted. "What can you tell me about who would want Tsunade dead?

Ino sauntered over to there table, taking a seat for herself in between the both of them. Doing her best to tame her boiling anger. Sunshine? Who the hell where they. If they continued to antagonize her they'd soon find out how much of a blazing ball of fire her anger could actually be.

"Are you asking for my opinion? Or what's more likely?" She said stifly.

Naruto placed his mug on the counter and regarded her with a smile.

"Whatever you got beautiful."

"Watch yourself Uzumaki..." Ino took one of the tacos Shikamaru offered her. "She had me put down men in Danzo's organization. So smartest bet says him."

"What do we even know about that guy anyway? All I know is he was grandma's second in command."

"He's my husband's boss. That's reason enough to kill him." Ino took her own mug and filled it up with the pitcher on the table.

"...relationship problems?"

"Men are assholes."

"Oh. Well. Yeah... sorry. Feel like elaborating or?-"

"You're an asshole too."

"Noted." Naruto nervously got back to eating. "She's all yours Shika."

"It never really made much sense to me... Danzo is a Konoha official, so I can't really understand her motive. Maybe she thought Danzo was a threat to her life?" Ino questioned.

"Maybe." Naruto paused. "But if she even had the _slightest_ notion that he might be a threat to her or Konoha, she'd have him put down like a dog."

"So then what's the angle here?" Shikamaru asked. "I'm not convinced Danzo's approach would be this transparent. What do you think?" He asked Ino.

"I think... I think we have to consider the possibility that Danzo isn't the only factor at work here. Or maybe not our guy at all. Sai has broken contact with me since this morning, I think a few choice words with him can set us on the right track."

"I'm not chasing after your hubby unless I have too. Kill him on your own time. Now pay attention because I got some good fucking questions for you Ino." Naruto said. "Just how did the Anbu know we'd be at your place?" His face was cold as he folded on arm under the other.

Silenced ensued as she weighed her options. To tell him the truth? Or deflect his suspicions in hopes of keeping their thin bond of trust.

"I tipped them off. Of course, I didn't know what threat was coming my way. But I figured if the Anbu cased my club and found nothing, then my name would definitely be clear." She said, a tense hand twirling her long blonde locks.

"And how'd that work out for you?" Shikamaru scoffed.

"Well, I didn't know a gaggle of assholes were coming to ruin a pretty solid plan!-"

"One more question." Naruto still sat tensely in his chair as he thought over her confession. "Who told you to stop by my coffee shop this morning."

"... I chose it myself-"

" **BULLSHIT!** " Naruto slammed his hands on the table, restraining a yell as best he could. "That kinda shit doesn't just happen."

"Jariya. Jariya asked me too."

"...What?"

"Jariya called me personally that morning and told me where to go and what to order."

"Now that's strange..." Naruto sat back down, rubbing the back of his head with both hands as his mind reached for answers.

"Believe me if you want, but I didn't find it too strange. He treats her every now and then, sends flowers to her office, visits on lunch breaks, the works."

"That might be true, but the old man knows better than to come to my shop for anything if it's for her." Naruto said.

Ino's brow furrowed in confusion. "But you're practically her son, why wouldn't she visit as often as possible?"

"She wasn't exactly ecstatic when Iruka became a cop instead of one of her agents." It was Shikamaru this time that explained. "And She was even less enthused when her favorite _quit_ to run a coffee shop of all things. The more important question is why Jariya would do that?"

"Maybe he was sending a message?" Ino suggested.

"Doesn't do us any favors, it's guaranteed that he's in hiding by now. Hm."

"Then what's our next lead." Ino directed the question at both men.

"I'm not the man to ask. But I know who is, her bodyguard. He failed, and I want to know how, and why." Naruto said, words laced with conviction.

"Troublesome." Shikamaru stood to go take his own spot on a now empty couch. "You mean that old pervert don't you."

"Bingo. I don't think we're getting far without Kakashi-"

"Hey, dick! That's my spot!" Ino shouted as she abruptly shoved a half asleep Shikamaru off the couch.

"Damn Ino...Yeah, whatever. We'll figure this out in the morning." Shikamaru took his own blanket and passed out on the ground before any more could be said.

"I don't suppose you want to make room on that couch beautiful-"

A fit of laughter was all Naruto got in response as he begrudgingly took his own space on the floor.

 _'And to think I thought she was incapable of laughter... maybe Tuesday won't be so shitty.'_

 **xXx**

 _'Man was I wrong.'_

"Naruto-"

"Noooope. I refuse."

"Stop being a fucking brat."

"You stop being an annoying little shit! I'm NOT calling him."

"You're the one who wants to break Kakashi out of a fucking jail then you're the one who has to make some fucking calls."

"But-"

"But nothing! Just do it."

"But Sasuke is such an **asshole."**

Naruto and Gaara have been arguing in stride for what felt like hours. Sasuke Uchiha, a mutual friend of the two was the only _in_ they had at the jail Kakashi had been placed in. The Uchiha Compound was built like a fortress and had been run by the family for generations, taking in the countries most dangerous convicts and locking them away from the free world. For a hefty tax from the state of course.

"Can you ladies figure something out? You're bickering is giving me a headache." Shikamaru rolled over in his position on the floor and fell fast asleep once more in the early morning.

"Agreed. It's not even 7 yet and you've already got Gaara grumpy." Tenten made her way to the men with two cups of coffee in hand. "Here." She placed the redhead down a cup before sitting with the two at the table.

"Thanks. This hangover might literally kill me."

"Hey! Where's mine?" Naruto asked rather whiningly.

"Naruto. _You_ don't get anything. You can pour your own for being such an asshole last night."

Naruto's groaned as he got up to do just that. Gaara took sips at his cups hot contents.

"What'd he do anyway? I don't remember much past getting in the car."

"Um. That's probably for the better, you were a bit of a handful last night. Lightweight." Tenten said, sticking her tongue out endearingly.

Tenten had woken earlier to escape Gaara's grasp. He'd surprisingly taken the role as big spoon pretty easily, but Tenten wasn't quite ready to let him know they'd been sleeping together so naturally.

 _'I don't need to go inflating his ego at a time like this... even though it was kind of amazing being so close for once.'_

"I'm a cheap date, there's no shame in that."

"I suppose-"

"No shame in you being little spoon either." Gaara sipped coyly as Tenten's face dropped. "Hope you didn't mind me too much... I wasn't quite myself."

"You remember?!"

"As if I'd forget something like that. You know." Gaara took another long sip. "You drool a little in your sleep."

"Why you little shit!"

"Hush! It's ringing." Naruto returned with antique phone and coffee in hand. "I swear to god if he sends me to voicemail, I'll kick that duck haired ass bitch's-"

"This is Uchiha Sasuke's line, state your business." Sasuke answered on the other line.

"Heyyy buddy. Got a sec?"


	8. Company

" I feel like a "functioning alcoholic" is code for a bum. So yeah, don't call me that.'

"I just think it's a possibility you have to consider."

"I'm appalled that you would say that."

"Naruto it's 8 am."

"So?" Naruto reached for his cleverly disguised drink in his Ackimichis cup he'd placed in the drivers' side armrest. "It's like, 6 in Suna, and you're from Suna, and I'm in _your_ company. Sooo-"

"That's easily the stupidest thing I've heard this week. And I'll remind you that you basically admitted to signing our own Death Notes."

"Oh leave it in the past you irritable Tanuki."

"Stop calling me that. How are you even drinking after yesterday?" Gaara's own health seemed shaky at best. He took sharp breaths with every passing moment as his bruised ribs bucked every so slightly with the moving car. The man's skin complexion resembled that of a ghost and the obnoxiously sunny day seemed to be doing it's best to disrespect his comfort.

"At least I'm not the one hiding from the sun because I'm scared of a little hangover." Gaara In fact still wore the same suit as yesterday, just as Naruto, and hid behind the frames of his thick polarized sunglasses.

"And don't plan on me being sober until we're done with this and I'm passed out in my own bed with that beautiful blonde beside me."

"Hn."

The worlds greatest contract duo cruised slowly through downtown Konoha, en route to a shop that was tucked away in a less savory part of town. After contacting Sasuke they'd come to an agreement with the Uchiha that seemed beneficial to both parties.

Picking up his laundry on the way to the penitentiary.

"You don't _actually_ think it's laundry do you?"

"Well of course not. But when you're making a deal with the devil, you tend not to question much."

It's on record that one Sasuke Uchiha tended to dabble in trades less than honorable. Using his position in law enforcement as a means of control in his own undersided businesses. It's speculated that he and the larger majority of the Uchiha family involved themselves in the trade of guns, drugs, and a multitude of other crimes under the guise of the "law."

"So what do you think it is? Women?"

"Nah, I picture him more of a unic honestly." Naruto said dismissively.

"But didn't he date Sakura before you-"

"Unic."

"Yeah, sure... Guns?"

"Probably guns."

"Somehow I don't feel as dirty delivering guns."

Naruto gave a curious look at his friend as they cruised the street.

"Wait wait wait. How do you figure that?"

Gaara acknowledged the look and readied his throat for his explanation.

"Well to be frank, if he wanted me to deliver women, he'd be added to our new list of assholes to kill. I'm no human trafficker." Gaara said with conviction.

"Ok fair, what if it were guns and they were going to of group of let's sayyyy, teenage gangbangers? Is that somehow better? And what would you do with the girls anyway if it did turn out to be a bunch of chicks?"

 _'God Damn he's chatty in the morning.'_

"We kinda killed early on so I don't see the gang mentality being a real issue with me. As for the girls, I'd free them and then I'd give them a job working in our coffee shops. Hell, the kids too."

"Hookers and Bangers turned Baristas? That's some ambitious shit you're thinking about over there."

"I know we're just joking but this is _our_ city. If it can give us a second chance, then I'm sure I could offer a kid a job serving coffee."

"I suppose you're right." Naruto reflected on all the choices he made in life, coming to conclusion that perhaps a little good karma wouldn't be such a bad idea.

"Hey, fox." Gaara dazed as he stared blankly at the oncoming traffic through the window.

"Yeah? What's up Gaara?" Naruto held no particular interest as he weaved through the hord of day to day commuters.

"We'll make it to heaven after all of this Hell. Right?"

"I was hoping you'd be the one answering that for me, not the other way around."

"It all hypothetical of course. Hey, pull in here." The redhead pointed to a full lot of cars for a seemingly basic dry cleaner sandwiched between a fast food Mexican restaurant and a pawn shop.

"How." A pause as Naruto slurps down the rest of his beverage. "Underwhelming."

xXx

"I don't like anyone of you"

"Hey now-" Shikamaru started.

"Except Shikamaru." Shikamaru noticeably lightened under the sound of Ino's words.

"That's not the point." Tenten currently sat face to face with the blonde in the back of the Ackimichi restaurant. Tenten had since cleaned herself up and replaced her long chocolate locks with her two signature panda buns.

"Well then do tell. " _Panda"._ I don't have time to be trusting my life with a bunch of incompetent rogues.

"Don't make fun of me you blonde bitch, just listen." Ino could only scoff before the brunette continued. "I trust the two of them with my life... So if they say they want to save yours." Tenten rose, grabbing a pair of keys and heading toward the front of the building. "Then you should listen."

"Wait just one second!" Ino rushed after her out of the empty restaurant, a slow Shikamaru closing the door behind her. Returning gratefully to his position on the couch.

"How the hell do you figure that I need that help of the fucking blonde dolt? I'm doing fine just by myself."

 _'Well aren't you both blonde?'_

"Well for starters." Tenten hoped in Gaara's blacked out two seater camero, brand new tags compliments of Shikamaru. Reaching across the armrest to open the passenger side door for a fuming Ino. "I never said _him_ specifically."

xXx

"I don't get it." Naruto voices as he paid the nice man at the dry cleaners. Sixty dollars and fifty cents for a large blue garment bag that weighed no more than ten pounds.

"Get what exactly?"

"Are you serious? How this asshole actually expected us to pick up his fucking laundry!"

"Is there a problem with that?" Gaara retorted as they both entered Shikamaru's Nissan. "And I'm driving, you drunk."

"Yeah whatever. I've just got better things to be doing than being a fucking delivery boy. Does that come as a surprise to you??" Naruto fumed as he strapped into the tight space of the passenger seat.

"Like?" Gaara ignored him as he pulled out of the lot, one black cased hanger bag full of unknown garments in the back seat.

"I don't know... but it's better than letting my girlfriend take my perfectly good whip, that's for sure."

Gaara only snorted as he cruised in the clunky car along the street.

"At least I have one, dolt."

"A-HA!!"

"Shut it! It's... it's complicated."

"I'm pretty sure it's a you "are" or you "aren't" kinda thing.

Silence ensued as Gaara focused on the road before finally offering a retort.

"...Maybe it's coke or something?"

"Don't change the subject!"

xXx

"Where are we going?" Tenten asked.

Ino punched in some directions on the cars GPS systems

"South Konoha? What on Earth is in south Konoha besides a bunch of rich pricks?"

"My father." Ino said a matter of factly.

"Oh... sorry-"

"And my father's house more specifically. I fancy a change of clothes, I'm not exactly a fan of going about my day to day barefoot." She nodded at her still bare feet. "I might even have some for you if you don't mind stuffing your chest a little bit."

"Gee. Thanks." Tenten forced out through clenched teeth.

 _'Big tittied Bimbo!'_

"Breath Tenten, don't kill her..." Tenten mumbled to herself.

"How'd you get this off of that irritable boy anyway?" Ino questioned as Tenten soared down the street to the hum of Gaara's dark camero. She dejected her thanks in favor of staring out the window.

"I have my ways." Tenten smirked out.

"Gross." Ino shook her head as she gave Tenten a disgusted look from the passenger seat. "I thought you were a woman above that behavior, but obviously I was mistaken-"

"Ew no! Calm down. He owed me a favor for babying him last night while he made an ass of himself." The girl's rose tinted cheeks betrayed her offense, but she stuck to her statement none the less.

"Funny, Sure looked like you enjoyed his attention."

"What?! No-"

"Pull in the driveway there." Ino directed. "I'm actually really excited to see Daddy, it's been at least a week!"

 _'She visits every week?... isn't she like 24?'_

xXx

"Hey Fox, you see that. Right?"

Gaara nodded at a black van in the rearview mirror. Darkly shaded windows and blacked out wheels had been trailing the pair for six blocks.

"Yeah, I see em alright." Naruto looked discreetly through his passenger side window. "We have a shop in construction about five minutes away. We should stock up there, just lose these guys."

And lose them he did. Gaara weaved between morning traffic with little regard. Hoping the curb while blaring horns at the alarmed locals of the city.

"MOVE LADY!"

Taking a sharp turn to cut into an ally that fed into a closed off road. The trip to the under construction shop took only a few minutes as he busted through a wooden street block at the end of the street, placing them just behind the building.

Naruto hoped out clutching his chest from the shock of Gaara's sudden takeoff.

"Pretty decent timing, and look, no visitors." Gaara said as he took his own exit from the car.

"You drive like a fucking **maniac!** " Naruto forced out, dropping his hands to his knees followed by a harsh dry heave. But Gaara paid no attention as he pulled his keys to get into the secluded building.

"Th-that poor old lady! You ran over her fucking wheelchair!!" Naruto gripped at his own hair as he clutched himself for comfort on the ground with his spare arm.

"Obviously didn't need it if she could jump out of the way like that...Home sweet home." A small puff of dust greeted his feet as he made his way to the storeroom of the empty building. "Should be right aroooound here." Gaara stopped at a wall cabinet next to many others. A false wall of landscaping equipment greeted him, but what he wanted was beyond it.

He pushed hard against a flat part of the wall behind it and the entire wall itself shifted back and to the left to reveal a gun rack and ammo cans filled with-

 _'Nothing? Naruto and I did stock this place right?'_

Gaara rounded back around the corner toward the entrance to ask Naruto himself.

"Oi! Fox, where's all the gear-"

He stopped dead in his tracks to see a long haired blonde man that'd he'd never met before. Brandishing a small handgun firm against Naruto's temple.

"Didn't I tell you to fucking lose them!" Naruto gritted out through tight teeth.

"I did you idiot, he must have already been here! I'm not the one caught up right now-"

"Oh I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" The man interjected.

"Gaara who the fuck is this guy?" Naruto attempted to push him away but the mysterious man quickly struck him in the back of the head to heed his compliance.

"Moi? Well, I'm so glad you asked. Deidara at your service. I've just come to deliver a message is all." The man pushed a dazed Naruto in Gaara's direction, making sure to keep his gun weaving between the two of them. "Seems like you two have gotten into some trouble with the wrong people lately." The gun in question being a black revolver, one of Gaara's many that should have been secured neatly in the cabinet.

"What do you want?" Gaara said, keeping his composure, staring the man down as he waited for any mistake to be made.

"Are you another one of those ROOT assholes?" Naruto rubbed the back of his head, choosing to take a seat in one of the dining chairs.

"Oh no no no. Nothing so grand. You see, I do more individual "work". Does the name Hyūga ring a bell?"

 _'What could this guy possibly want with the Hyūgas?'_ Gaara thought to himself.

He looked over to Naruto who seemed to be having the same silent contemplation, be it with a menacing scowl on his face.

"Ah, the silent types are we? Well, let me just lay it out for you. I'm sure you remember the beautiful Miss Hinata, correct?"

"You bastard! What have you done with her?!" Naruto yelled, but the loud accusation did nothing to help the pain he was in, causing him to grasp roughly at his abused skull.

The man only chuckled as he began to walk the length of the coffee bar. Gliding a hand across the smooth wood.

"Tsk tsk "Fox". It's not what I did, oh no not that. It's what _you've_ done."

"What the hell are you getting at? Is she safe? Spit it out before I wipe that smirk off of your face-"

A blare of rounds erupted in the small store as two bullets laced wholes in the ceiling. The amused smirk on the man's face unwavering as ceiling debris scattered down after his sudden shooting.

"Don't you know it's rude to interrupt?"

The two men reluctantly fell silent.

"You see, Mr. Hyūga didn't much _appreciate_ you leaving his eldest daughter out to dry after a fucking shootout. Go figure. So naturally-" The man named Deidara stopped to pull out a pack of cigarettes. Lighting one as he pulled up a chair across from the two. "You're on Mr. Hyūga's shit list. There's a whole five hundred stacks each on your pretty little heads."

"A low rate mercenary huh? I bet you don't know shit about wetwork you amateur-"

"Mercenary?! **HAH.** Please, I'm an _artist_. This is my passion. The prospect of blowing you two up unsuspectingly on a Tuesday afternoon?? It seemed like a fucking waste!" The man pulled a small metal rod from his pocket, as he snuffed out his cigarette on the ground, topped with a dull black button. "This whole place is already rigged to the teeth with my own special home made explosive."

"So then." Naruto rose to his feet. "What does that mean for us?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still totally going to kill you yeah? But when I heard _the_ Fox and the Scourge of the fucking Sand where black listed? I couldn't pass that up! So here's what we're gonna do." The man named Deidara prepared to take his leave, backing slowly towards the door, what was presumed to be a detonator in one hand and Gaara's revolver pointed threateningly at the two with the other. "It's because of my _passion_ that I'm going to let you two go. And this standoff will be the most explosive celebration of death that we could **ever** fucking imagine. God, I'm excited just thinking about it!"

"You're quite literally a lunatic aren't you." Gaara stated more than he asked.

"Artist. I'm an artist. But you didn't know better so I'll forgive you. Because you, me, your little girlfriend, Misses Yamanaka, and even her crook of a father are going to get to know each other very well."

"If you want even a chance of being able to live out your life in at least a wheelchair, you'll leave the girls out of this." Naruto growled.

Deidara stopped his retreat. Clutching his stomach as he tried to hold in a hearty laugh. "Oh, My bad." I honestly meant just the three of us, my associate should be doing away with the girls and that prick Yamanaka any minute now."

 **xXx**

 **A/N: Bit of a cliffhanger, but it makes since to end it here for now. What's in the bag? What's going to happen to Tenten and Ino? Whys my update schedule so fucked up?! Find out next time on DBZ.**

 **Let me know what you thought! Tell me!** **Lol I'll see you guys in a few, peace.**

 **-Sober T**


	9. Lessons

**I'm BACK. Here's something to chew on ladies and gents. Fair warning: definitely strayed from the humor with this chapter. Oops**

 **xXx**

 ** _Eight years ago..._**

"To be successful in this line of work boys, you must be strong. To be strong you must train, and to train you must first be able to learn. This class is about discipline. I can't turn you into over night Einstein's, but I sure as hell can pull some character and self control out of you." A tall silver haired man paved a path back and forth across a trimmed lawn, book in hand as he spoke absentmindedly to the fields only other two occupants.

"Umm, Kakashi-Sensei?" Asked a nervous voice.

"Yes Naruto, you have a question?"

"Yeah... What do scorpions have to do with learning?"

A sixteen year old Naruto and Gaara currently occupied the planking position. Both forearms on the ground and toes barely supporting the rest of their weight as they struggled to stay above a strategically placed sandbox filled edge to edge with rather large black scorpions. The big ones weren't inherently life threatening or aggressive, but Kakashi made sure to assure them that falling on them so suddenly wouldn't be in their best interest. The man stated that he would ask them some questions. The more they got right, the less time they had to plank above the creepy crawlers. The mere idea of a challenge had Naruto as arrogant as ever and Gaara was stoned faced as usual. A little endurance based exercise never hurt anyone right?

Or that's how they felt until Kakashi kept adding 25lb sand bags to their backs.

"Ah, good question! Next question." It was minute six, 50lbs later, and the training had just properly begun.

Kakashi snapped his questionable reading material shut and squatted low to face the eyes of his disgruntled students. "What is the effective range of the 9mm handgun?"

"O-one Hundred meters." Gaara spit out.

"Very good." Kakashi wore a black mask that hid his mouth and a black beanie that hid his left eye. Effectively making his would be smile, just a lightened expression of his right eye. A eye whose gaze shifted to the Blonde on his right. "Naruto, What is the most effective defense in battle?"

"Um." The blonde fell silent as he dug deep for an answer. He could fell his abdomen start to dip dangerously close to the squirming devils in the sand beneath him. Looking to his right he could see the growing fatigue on Gaara's face as well and a hard look that said. _"Don't fuck this up."_

"Is it effective tactics and strategy planning?" Naruto had been studying his best, he really had. But the empathetic sigh from his teacher made him sweat drop with regret of his answer.

"No quite. It's fire superiority."

"God damnit!" Naruto groaned in disappointment as his core tightened from the excess attention.

"Did you not see this face?!" Gaara yelled at the blonde, scrunching his nose in irritation. "It said **not** to fuck it up!"

"Well then maybe you should've mimed me some answers you brow-less asshole-"

"Listen up!" Kakashi interjected. "I'm going to tell you boys something that will, hopefully, stick with you for the rest of your life." Kakashi ventured over to a pile of pre-filled sand bags. Walking back with one for each of them. "You can either be smart." He plopped one unceremoniously on each of their backs.

" **AGhH!** " Came a scream in unison as both boys abdomens aggravates the nearest resting scorpions. Sharp jabs scrapping at their stomachs that refused to fall all the way to the sand.

"Or. You can be strong. And I guarantee if you keep messing up like this?" Kakashi gave a swift kick to Gaara's midsection to "motivate" him from sinking any further. "Then I promise you'll be plenty strong by the time I'm done with you."

xXx

Naruto shuddered at the thought of their now detained Sensei.

 _'Stupid old man... I'm built for this shit.'_

But was he? An unknown man had just gotten the drop on them with relative ease and he couldn't seem to shake the feeling of vulnerability. Matched with a deep feeling in the pit of his gut.

Failure.

"Check the glove compartment, I got a surprise for you two." Naruto momentarily cleared his thoughts and did as he was told. Quickly checking the little compartment in Shikamaru's car. "There should be an ear piece for the both of you, go ahead and pop em in."

Naruto tucked one In Gaara's ear since he was currently slicing through rush hour traffic, before putting in his own.

"Once they're in, give yourself a big yawn and they'll activate."Both men yawned on cue and immediately heard faint static as Shikamaru's voice started to focus in.

"Fox, Hound, how am I reading?"

"We read you loud and clear." Both replied.

"Perfect. Switching to code names over communications from now on. I'm punching a address into your GPS. The girls have been at the Yamanaka residence for an hour now, you should go check it out."

"You got it Stag." Gaara replied. This time curving into traffic more naturally to avoid attention amongst every one else's morning commute. "Why am I the "Hound" anyway? Kiba's the damn man-mutt..." Gaara grumbled under his breath.

"Tanuki. Racoon dog. Hound?" Naruto raised both hands unenthusiastically as if comparing the three. "Same difference."

At the thought of being called Fox, Naruto's thoughts once again drifted to his own strength. Fox's were inherently sneaky, independent, and cunning. Everything he found himself not to be. Looking at the challenge before him he hypothesized that he just might need all of those traits, and for the first time in years he felt unprepared.

"What if I'm not strong enough..." He muttered to himself. Daunting on that feeling once more.

"What was that?" Gaara was too caught up in his driving to keep track of the man's ramblings.

"You think they're ok?" Naruto asked without really looking at Gaara. His attention was placed on passing traffic in the rear view mirror, his mind a jumble of thoughts.

"No. No I don't." Gaara answered, putting his cellphone down on the dash. He'd called Tenten three times with no answer.

xXx

 _At the Yamanaka household…_

"Daddy?"

"Ino? Ino it's ok, you hear me? It's ok.." Ino dropped to two knees at the sight in front of her. An equally shocked Tenten with arms around her shoulders, doing her best to avert the blondes line of sight.

Inochi Yamanaka lay in a pool of blood in Ino's child hood home. His throat bearing a large gash from ear to ear and his eyes plastered open. Shock on his face as now limp hands grasped at his neck. The man was surrounded by a black diagram on the white marble floor. A black pentagon symbol neither of the girls had ever seen before.

The room was so quiet you could hear a tear hit the ground.

"Hello ladies." A raspy voice grumbled from the corner of the room. A dark-silver haired man, bare chested and crimson smeared, approached. A pale cheek glistening with the spray of rustic blood splattered. "You're a little earlier than I expected but that's alright. I was just finishing up."

" **You.** " Ino's eyes still streamed with tears. But her sobs of pain replaced themselves with a deepened growl in her voice as she bit out her words carefully. "Did. You." She paused to take a breath and wipe away the tears that threatened to choke her up as she spoke.

"Did you do this?"

"Of course you dumb bitch. Do you think this mess is fucking margarita mix?!" The man held a barbaric scythe in his hands, swinging it back and forth for show. If the rust of the weapon indicated anything, it was that it'd been used many a time before. "That old goat made a fucking mess everywhere. Or did that fly over your pretty little blonde head-"

The strange man didn't get to say much else, save a few desperate gurgles as the blood in his throat filled over. Creeping at the border of his lips as it overflowed in a rush. Ino lunged the small "decorative" chopsticks that used to hold her hair in place through the soft flesh of the man's throat. A sharp spear tip reaching out the other side as she screamed in anger and infuriating grief.

"AGHHH!" She continued to yell long after the man's body hit the ground and his blood sprayed her face.

She couldn't recall much beyond the soft arms that cradled her shivering form. A faint voice of reassurance talked down her still stabbing hand. Hands pulled her head into a cradled hug. But none of it would be enough to bring her father back, and that could only make her scream harder.

xXx

An hour later…

"Tenten come with me. We'll get you cleaned up. Naruto can you take care of Ino. And Bug, thanks for being here on such... unfortunate circumstances." Gaara had been busy giving out orders to the people before him. When he and Naruto had arrived they'd run into quite the scene. A living room painted in blood, but no signs of continued distress. The two girls holding each other in grief at the death of whom he assumed was Inochi Yamanaka and the body of the poor bastard who decided to stick around after killing him.

Naruto and Gaara has since cased the area and deemed it safe for the time being. Finding only a card in the man's front jean pocket, a swirl of red clouds on a white background and nothing else.

"A calling card you think?" Naruto asked and Gaara nodded in reply.

"That lunatic said he was coming after us… I just didn't think it'd be this fast. Keep a look out for anything else that might give us a clue as to who these guys are."

The next logical step was calling in an associate of there's by the name of Shino. Or "Bug" as they called him in the business. A master in all things cleanliness when it came to dead bodies and evidence. Within ten minutes there was know sign of a double murder and surprisingly no push back from Ino as strange men ushered her fathers dead body away.

 _'It must be hard, but deep down she must know we can't bury him right now.'_ Naruto thought.

"Thanks for your help Shino." Gaara slipped the man a wad of bills.

"It's my pleasure as always." If Gaara hadn't been the one to call him, he'd never known who was under the hood. From what he could tell Shino was a rather pale man… and that was it. He and his gang always wore darker hooded clothing and accompanying sunglasses, even on the darkest of nights. They remained disguised and most importantly, discreet. With a nod and a bow,the hooded man and his crew of four were gone in mere seconds. All remnants of any crime gone from the Yamanaka house.

Gaara yawned and activated his radio device.

"Come In Stag."

He heard a slight crackle and a yawn on the other end before he got a reply.

"Send it for Stag." Again, a dreary yawn followed.

"You need to yawn on that end too? Seems like a bit of a creation flaw. Don't you think?"

"Nah that's just the sound of you waking me up from a pretty good nap."

"…" Gaara held in a sigh but decided against questioning the man about his mid-day sleeping habits.

"I need you to run a search on guns for hire. Operating under the symbol of a red cloud." The man flipped the card back and forth in his hand and found nothing else distinguishable about the card.

"A cloud huh? You got it. Give me a few hours and I'll get back to you. Stag out." The line immediately went dead.

"And you." He picked a rather disturbed looking Tenten of the ground by the arm. "You're coming with me." His tone was gentle but he could tell she more or less wasn't paying attention to him.

"Gaara. I-I've… I've never seen something like that." Blood was smeared all over her hands from keeping Ino from continuing her vengeful assault on the strangers corpse. Salt crusted streams down her down her cheeks, brown eyes were wide with shock and she couldn't seem to keep the tears from flowing. She grabbed on to his shirt and didn't let go.

"It's going to be ok Tenten…" Gaara found himself unsure for the first time in what felt like ages.

"I can take care of myself." Gaara heard over his shoulder, and wasn't surprised at the statement. Naruto had offered a Ino a hand but she simply waved him off. Her tears were gone and instead replaced by a certain fire. He was surprised at her hasty retreat up the stairs. He looked over to the other blonde but he was already on it.

Naruto could feel it again. The sight of that girl in so much distress brought back that feeling of failure in the pit of his stomach.

"Hey wait up Ino!" Naruto hurried up after her to what he assumed was her room and surprisingly wasn't met with a slamming door. She'd thrown open her rather large walk in closet and seemed to be looking for something specific. She noticed the man walk in but only spared him a few curt words.

"Sit. And don't touch anything. Understand?"

Naruto nodded and took a seat in on a rather frilly looking blue stool next to her dresser. He tried not to stare much as he assumed her emotions were probably racing a mile a minute, trying to process what happened barely an hour ago. So instead he took in the sights of her rather large room.

The same lavender shade of purple seemed to be everywhere, the walls, the bed spread and even the small carpet leading into the bathroom. The room was covered in pictures of her, her father, and a beautiful blonde woman he could only assume to be her mother.The next thing he noticed was the multitude of trophies and awards. Sports, public speaking, and of course-

"Cheerleading?" Naruto wasn't exactly amazed by his discovery but he couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" A rather agitated voice called from the closet.

Agitation sounded better than grief, so he decided to go with it.

 _'Maybe I can get her mind off things.'_

"Nothing. I'm just not surprised the Barbie did cheerleading." He managed to hold back a snicker with his hand.

" _Does,_ jack ass. I'm a three time state champ." A pause. "And I still coach in my free time."

"Haha of course. I should've known."

"Well what the hell did you do in school?" Ino poked her head around the corner in question. Her once done up hair now a river of messy platinum.

"Art." Naruto was surprised at his lack of hesitation. But having only having completed highschool (a year early at that) he could honestly say it was his favorite subject.

Ino scoffed at the very idea. "You definitely don't strike me as an _artist_."

"I'm not. The prettiest girls were always in the art classes and I just liked looking at all the cool stuff people could make." Was Naruto's reply. "Truth is I can probably make a half decent stick figure." Naruto's face lightened when he heard a small laugh come from the girl.

' _Progress.'_ He thought.

"And here I thought you might've had a redeeming quality… oh well." She said sarcastically.

 _'I just met a guy who blows up shit in the name of "art". I wouldn't say redeeming is the right word.'_

"Laughing at someone isn't the nicest thing princess. So what else were you good at?"

Ino stiffened at the question.

 _'How do I tell him this without coming off as a complete brat?'_

"Everything. Class, music, sports. I was good at everything." Ino stated as humbly as possible.

 _'Why do I care what he thinks anyway? He's just another boy, nothing more.'_

"So then what's a beautiful, multi-talented girl like yourself doing killing people?"

"W-what?" Ino paused the tugging of her shirt to make sure she heard him correctly.

"Well I mean you just seem to have so many options. I just wasn't sure why you went this route."

"Perhaps You'd be surprised to know woman these days can pick whatever profession they want without being shamed for it." They snide remark was halfhearted, but pulled a laugh from the man none the less.

"I don't think professional killers really fall under that category, but whatever floats your boat."

Naruto was content with the following silence. But Ino seemed to feel the need to explain herself.

"Daddy... Daddy wasn't a nice man, and because of it he kinda made a lot of enemies.. He knew it, I knew it, Momma knew it..." Naruto listened quietly, giving her time to put her thoughts together. "So the first chance he got, he put me into self defense classes at 8 and it kinda just took off from there."

This particular statement caused some confusion.

"What do you mean "took off?"

"I _mean_ discovering that this body was capable than more than _beauty_ kinda set a spark in me." Ino emerged from her closet gesturing to her body with both hands. "Self defense turned into boxing, boxing turned into Maui Thai, and by 22? I found myself learning the ways of the Lotus by one of the worlds most skilled martial artist. Might Guy himself. With credentials like that, Tsunade offered me a job not long after." Ino spoke more to herself as she examined her form in the mirror. Years of a strict bodily regiment left her body chiseled, yet astoundingly womanly. A purple crop top did little to cover perfect abs and the matching black and purple mini-skirt showcased legs that seemed to go on forever.

"Daddy always preferred mind games. I can do that too." She said, turning to give Naruto a wink over her shoulder. "It seems to always work on men. But I prefer a method with a little more... grit."

Naruto thought back to the poor bastard that Shino had hauled away for them. He gulped for good measure before he spoke.

"So you're a world class fighter, smart as all hell, and you're..." Naruto paused a moment. Sucking in the sight of her as he mulled over the best choice of words to describe her. A pause that was much to her annoyance.

"I'm what! Spit it out-"

"Breathtaking."

Ino turned to see the look of awe on the man's face and actually managed the decency to blush for her bickering.

 _'Ah, So She is human after all.'_

"Compliments will get you nowhere-"

"Marry me?" Naruto interjected.

Naruto still had that dumbfounded look on his face that men could only muster for discoveries and beautiful woman. But his naive question begged for Ino's laughter.

So she did.

She giggled at first but eventually had to cover her mouth and hold onto her stomach as her laugh continued.

"Ahahaahaha!"

"Hey... I'm not _that_ funny." Naruto mumbled.

"If you want that privilege." Ino gasped out through bits of laughter. "You'll have to kill the useless husband I already have."

Naruto shook himself from his stupor, standing up to walk towards her. Extending his hand out to the woman.

"Deal."

 _'He can not be serious?'_

Ino finally stopped laughing to look the man up and down. He actually was quite handsome, be it he was in a slightly worn-in suit still and his appearance mirrored hers in most aspects. Except all the little details. Sharp canines pointed from a toothy grin, an imperfection that couldn't be found in her rare, yet perfect, smile. Where her eyes frosted over, his were warm like a sunrise blue. Her paled platinum hair looked faint compared to his raw honey and her moon like skin was so much cleaner than his rugged sun kissed tan.

So different, but so alike at the same time.

"What makes you think you're strong enough for something like that? For any of this?" Naruto got the notion that she wasn't talking about Sai anymore and he putlled his hand away.

"I made myself a promise a long time ago. That I'd be strong as I needed to be." Naruto said more to himself than her. "And I don't plan on breaking it anytime soon.

Ino could see just how serious he was. For once he wasn't joking or just blowing hot air to gain her attention. Something about his demeanor actually showed some conviction.

 _'Maybe he's not so bad after all.'_

"Come on Uzamaki." Ino grabbed Naruto by the arm and rushed out the door. "There's a lot of work to do."

 **xXx**

"Kakashi-Sensei. I don't think I can do this anymore." Naruto's voice came out in a low drawl. His entire body trembling from head to toe as he did his best to avoid collapsing to the punishing sand beneath him.

Kakashi raised his one visible eye over his book. Ceasing his questions as well as his pacing.

"I'm sorry. What was that Naruto?"

"Naruto!" Gaara have a harsh whisper to the blonde. "What are you doing?!" His body too trembled from impending defeat. 6 minutes and 25 pounds later and the two had found themselves at their wits end. Having dropped multiple times only to be "motivated" to straighten back out by the tiny terrors beneath them.

"Hush Gaara." Kakahi delivered with a threatening eye. "Now Naruto. What did you say?"

"I- I can't do this anymore." He voice was almost to a whisper, his knees now digging into the sand. A multitude of jabs numbing the flesh as a few angry scorpions assaulted him.

"I know you can't, so you're done for the day." Was Kakashi's surprising response.

"Wait, really?" There was a glow about Naruto's face now as he saw Kakashi coming forward to remove the bags.

"Yes, really. But just remember something." Kakashi said calmly as he took one of Naruto's three bags. "You're were always meant to fail."

A loud THUNK was heard as he dropped Naruto's weight onto Gaara's back instead.

' _Gaara?'_ Naruto was too shocked to speak at the sight before him.

"And its _how_ you except that fact that defines you."

"UGH!" The boy screamed, but his body still held strong as Kakashi placed yet another weight on his back.

"You must understand that in this job, maybe even this world, you are always meant to fail. But it's how you handle that fact that defines you. And if you decide to give up on yourself before the fate does?" Kakashi placed the last weight on Gaara's back. Watching him collapse not from breaking but passing out from over exertion. His companion scrambling to haul him out of the sand before the weight or insects could cause any further damage. "Then you've failed not only yourself, but everyone around you."

 **xXx**

" _Excuse_ you?..." Naruto asked.

Gaara dropped his marker on the ground in irritation and turned away from his white board to face his partner.

"What the hell didn't make sense about this FULL PROOF PLAN?!"

Gaara had (for the sake of Naruto's understanding) made a full visual representation of the plan to confront Kakashi via stick drawings on a white board in Inochi's study. Naruto had managed to interrupt six times in a ten minute time span and Gaara had had enough of it.

"Um..." Naruto crossed his arms and stared at the board.

Then Gaara.

And then the board again.

And then back to Gaara.

"... The part where I DRESS UP AS A FUCKING **GIRL** TO GO SEE THIS ASSHOLE!?"

"Well you're clearly the most feminine goldly locks, suck it up." Ino pipped in from the corner.

"Well I'm not the one wearing guyliner and I'm not doing it."

"Stop being a baby, aren't you the one who wanted to meet Kakashi in the first place? Some progress needs to be made here and you're **not** fucking this up." Ino said, jabbing a rather angry finger at the man's chest.

"Yeah it'll be fun. Me and Ino can do your make up." Tenten piped in.

"UGHHH!" Naruto shouted in defeat as he collapsed back into the single chair behind him. "Just how the hell did we get here?"

A good question indeed.

Once things had settled down and the mood had lightened. The group decided to see just what it was that the Uchiha wanted delivered.Inside the garment bag they found one plain brown gardener's uniform with black boots, bearing the Uchiha compound insignia on the front breast pocket. An accompanying letter in said pocket that read.

 _"The entry pass for that disgruntled Tunuki. It'll be good to see you again man." The next set of clothing was a bit more eye catching. An orange skirt matched with a modest royal blue top that seemed to be fit for a rather tall girl, with a note on the him of the skirt that read "The entry pass for that bitchy idiot who's always asking me for favors. P.S.-There's ID's for both of you in the boots. Zuko Ano, And Naruko Hatake. P.S.S.- I thought the blue would match his girly eyes. P.S.S.S- If he thinks he's getting out of it, the guards are expecting an ugly blonde female as Kakashi's guest."_

 _'That son of a bi-'_

"They are kinda girly aren't they?...So are you doing it or not?" Gaara's question derailed Naruto's train of thought.

"The plan is pretty simple. You enter the compound as his " **ahem** " guest. And talk to Kakashi. From there you convince whoever the head guard is on duty to escort you both to the park area at the center of the compound. From there I enter the compound under the guise of a gardener in which I can possibly talk to him without much suspicion."

Naruto thought back to his teacher, and the life lesson he's taught him. How not to give up in the face of something challenging and most commonly, uncomfortable.

 _'I really hate my job sometimes.'_ The blonde thought in silence. _'But hell if I'm going to let a fucking dress beat me.'_

"Fine. But I'm going to bitch about it _literally_ the entire time."

xXx

 **A/N: It's ST season. If you're following ANY of my stories, be expecting an update sometime this week. Thanks for your patience. And a special thanks to the 2 or 3 readers who review every chapter. You know who you are(;**

 **Let me know what you think! I'll have to beta this later, I'd just thought I'd get it to you sooner than later ya know? I'm a nosey mofo who unfortunately feeds on opinions. Not saying it'll effect my writing. But it definitely makes it worth while.**


	10. Gaara The Shrink

"There will be many times in this job where you will feel... stressed." Tsunade sat at her desk before five fresh faced recruits. Gaara and Naruto amongst there numbers listening intently to what she had to say. Standing tall with there hands folded firmly behind their lower backs, a typical show of respect in their field.

"Be it physically, mentally, and more commonly than not, emotionally. Keep in mind that the basic training is two years of the most challenging treatment we can offer. Professionally trained warriors that rival the skill of Kakashi himself will be responsible for you, the next generation." Tsunade stood, walking to the front of her desk where her students waited patiently for instruction.

"We recruit young men and woman like you with the hopes that you will someday surpass us, and to do so the right way that means no days off, no quitting, and _noooo_ special treatment." She emphasized the last bit by giving Naruto a **hard,** loving, squeeze on the cheek much to his embarrassment.

But still he stood, unwavering.

Tsunade was a woman of classic values. Old fashioned morals, classic music, and a bit of a dated since of how the world worked. Naruto was never quite able to tell _just_ how old she was, but he very wearily headed the warning of his father figure, Jariya, not to ask. The woman could be anywhere from 30-60, as beautiful as she was, and he would be none the wiser.

Still he called her grandma.

"Hey Grandma what can we expect after our two years of training are up?" Of course he already new beforehand but how could he pass up antagonizing the woman? And besides, he wanted to make sure his classmates new just what they were getting into.

"Naruto!" Gaara hissed. "You know not to call her that here-"

"That's Sensei, to you brat!"

She said swatting him for good measure on the back of his head.

 **SMACK** came the thick sound of perfectly manicured hands connecting with a thick skull.

Still, he didn't move.

Angry as she was, the black chalk board she walked up to in hopes of explaining her answer only put credibility to the nickname.

"After you've been accepted to our lovely society you will be expected to serve 6 months at a time under our leadership." She said, writing the number 6 on the boards with the slight screeching of chalk. "That's half a year, 180 days away from everything you ever known." The he number was large and towering compared to the 6. "There will be birthdays missed. Spouses that will be fed up with your strict routine, maybe they'll leave you, maybe they won't. For some of you there will even be family members who will pass during this time. All the while you may very well be stopping people short of their last birthday, taking away someone's lover. A husband, a mother, a brother a sister. The possibilities go on."

This news seemed daunting to the green teenagers in the room. Many of them were still very ambitious but even just the preparatory training with Kakashi seemed to instill doubt in them. Added with the notion of losing everything they had? And that doubt seemed to triple.

"So I encourage you." She took her seat back at her desk. "To really listen to what I'm about to say. I _highly_ encourage you to make a family of the people standing alongside you." Naruto and Gaara gave each other a glance as well as there classmates before looking back to Tsunade. They'd learned well from Kakashi to heed wisdom from those more experienced than them.

"That being said, welcome to my family." Gaara paused to reflect on how genuine her smile was. But the look in her eye seemed to hold something back as well.

 _'Sadness?'_

Sabaku Gaara, Uzamaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Kiba Inuzaka, and Yuki Haku by my authority you are now enrolled in the Warrior's Elimination Team as trainees. Welcome to the W.E.T and good luck. You're going to need it."

 _'No not sadness.'_ He thought as she turned before a single tear threatened to slash against her desk. He looked over at Naruto and knew just why she was so emotional.

 _'She's proud.'_

 **xXx**

Gaara kept playing that speech over and over again in his head as he wondered just how they'd been so lucky to have survived this long.

 _'Things were so much simpler back then.'_

"Oh my God is that a fucking roach?" A peeved Tenten muttered to herself.

"What'd you just say?" An even more pissed of Shikamaru replied.

"Oh." Tenten has t been aware that the man was in ear shot. "I said… you're such a gracious host?"

Gaara let out a snort before sipping the instant coffee Shikamaru has been able to scrounge up.

The group of four, had found themselves at a bit of a crossroads after choosing to leave the Yamanaka household. With the mysterious group of seemingly well trained killers after them, a furious Hyūga, and all of their coffee shops coming down with a sudden case of the **"explosions"** Gaara and Naruto had found themselves without anywhere decent to go.

"This place is a pig sty." Gaara grumbled.

"Well who the fuck invited you anyway?" Shikamaru shouted from his computer desk.

Emphasis on "decent" but Shikamaru's apartment fit their needs perfectly for the time being.

"It'll do just fine Shika. Mind if we use your room?" Ino Asked, digging through her very expensive looking luggage to find something additonal for Naruto to disguise himself in. Without waiting for a proper response, she was off.

"Let's go!"

Shikamaru pointed to room to his right as Ino took off with the blonde man by the wrist like a rag doll. The man doing his best to claw at the ground.

"I DON'T WANNA!"

"That poor soul is about to become a life sized Ken doll." Tenten remarked as Gaara looked on in horror as Ino pulled Naruto away with surprising strength. Slamming the door shut behind her.

"Don't tell me your hiding some kind of crazy strength like that? I don't think I can handle anymore surprises this week." Gaara questioned as he snapped out of his daze, looking over at Tenten with suspicious eyes.

"Gaara it's Tuesday." Was her simple retort. She could only laugh when she saw the suspicion on his face was genuine. "Well…" Tenten looked at Gaara thoughtfully before tracing his figure with her gaze.

Twice.

Gaara shifted a bit at the **blatant** once-over.

"Um… Tenten?-"

"I'm not super strong like that no, buuut." Tenten pulled him in close but the collar, just low enough to look him in the eye. A dream like state taking over the man as he looked back at her chocolate brown eyes. She spared him a kiss on the forehead, right on his Kanji tattoo.

His mistake was closing his eyes at the contact.

"I am pretty good with a knife." She said as she pulled away as quickly as she had came.

He snapped to when her heard the slight thump of clothes hitting the ground.

"You should change before Shikamaru sees just how "surprised" you are. She said, sauntering away to go do some changing herself.

"Wha?"

That's when he realized the sound came from his pants that had some how made it to the floor. One clean gash from the crotch to the top button being the reason for their descent.

' _Is no one a normal person anymore?... I loved these pants too.'_

xXx

 _'Looking In the mirror I can't help but think what kind of man I am. Driven. Unyielding even. I can't think of a challenge I've shied away from every since I became an eliminator so long ago. Warriors, soldiers, crooks, all the likes of which have fallen at my feet. No challenge too hard, no walk too high, and yet-'_

"Naruto! Are you done yet?! Jesus you get dressed like a _girl_." Ino yelled from the hallway.

 _'And yet somehow getting this skirt to stay down is harder than killing a whole room of sound rogues… what the fuck is today?'_

"I GOT BIG HIPS OK?! **FUCK OFF**." He sighed to himself, the dastardly Uchiha had won this round. He found it eerily creepy that the skirt actually was his size, and to be honest the blue did match his eyes. He had since kicked Ino out of the room when she tried to add contour to his cheek bones, insisting that they needed some "color".

"My cheek bones are just fucking fine the way the are… I need to fucking kill something. Soon."

"You might just get your wish." A gruff voice said from the doorway.

Naruto turned to see Gaara with Shikamaru's smart phone out.

"... Tell me you didn't do what I think you did-"

"This is going to be an amazing post for my vlog." The camera was still rolling as a pair of heels, earrings and a necklace were thrown in his direction.

"Chill out! I was just kidding, see?!" Gaara shouted through the laughter as he should a locked phone screen. (although unbeknownst to Naruto He'd taken a ton of photos.)

"Don't joke like that, I'm already on edge…" Naruto said as he attempted to dawn the short black pumps Ino had found for him.

"It's weird, you're pretty hot like this."

"Fuck. You."

"No thanks, I think your sights are already set on She-Devil in there. What kind of cruel girl would pick heels for you to wear undercover anyway?" Gaara asked as the blonde fell under crumpled ankles for the umpteenth time."I'm starting to think the abusive woman thing in your life is a trend, maybe even a kink?"

"Nuh-uh-"

"Tsunade, Hana, Sakura, the life sized Barbie in the other room-"

"That doesn't mean anything!" Naruto shouted. Effectively snapping the heel on one of the shoes as he fell again. "God Damnit, how do woman do this? It's like walking on fucking chopsticks."

"So then how do you explain Anko?"

Naruto thought about it for a moment, and laid his head against the ground. Beaten, worn-out, pissed, stressed, and dressed from head to toe in a ridiculous garb that actually managed to make him look like a fairly attractive blonde girl.

This is where he managed to find a rather important shred of introspection. And to think Gaara, and he supposed the woman in question, were to thank for that.

"… you know you're a bastard for that but you might be on to something there." He thought in Awh as his mind began to drift back to some **very** specific memories.

"I charge hourly as a shrink you know-"

"Hush!" Naruto lazily waved a limp painted nail in his direction. "I'm trying to have an ephipany here."

 **xXx**

 _Deep in Naruto's twisted adolescent memories._

"Good morning class, I'll be your instructor this week. My name is Anko Mitarashi."

 _'Good **God** , she's built like a stripper.'_ Naruto (and quite a few of his classmates) thought to himself. With dark purple hair, a full body fishnet under a tan trench coat and a sinfully short skirt with curves to match, it wasn't all to hard to tell.

She'd drank her fair share of milk.

"Today is a bit of a screening process. Not all of you could possibly became hardcore killers like some kind of fucking gladiator, so it's best to figure out what you're good at first. So from hence forth until I find something about you that is remotely redeemable, you will be referred to as filth. Get me?"

 _'Wow… Not quite the phrase I thought I'd hear when I felt the whole "butterflies" thing for the first time.'_ Naruto thought. Anko's very presence seemed to ooze confidence and admittedly it's something he immediately admired.

"Yeah actually."Sasuke lazily raised his hand.

"Shut up Teme, you're going to get us in trouble!" Naruto whispered rather poorly as he nudged the Uchiha standing next to him. He'd only known the boy for a short time but he knew whatever he had to say wouldn't be the most intelligible.

Gaara found himself sneezing from the thick cloud of irony in the room.

"Yes, filth?"

"I'm a Uchiha, not filth, so where is _my_ training going to be taking place?" He asked, ignoring the warning of his classmate.

"A Uchiha you say?" Anko mouth dropped dramatically with awh.

"You heard me." Sasuke's smirk was downright disgusting, an air of superiority as he looked at the surprised woman's face.

"Oh, well excuse me, there's actually a seat for Uchiha's to spectate from if your interested?" Anko apologized quite nervously.

"O-oh… really?" Sasuke looked genuinely surprised as the woman nodded.

"Mhm. This way." She gestured to the row of chairs on his left and waited for Sasuke's to take a step before-

 **BAM**

"RIGHT THERE ON THE FUCKING GROUND PRINCESS."Her fist connected with the bulk of his skull, sending him crashing to the floor.

"I sorted your brother Itachi not that long ago. Are all you bastards this arrogant?" The woman named Anko lifted the boys head by the hair much to his distress. "The next time you interrupt my class for your bullshit I will personally pluck out those pretty little eyes of yours and send them to your brothers door step with a swing of my fore-iron. **Get. Me?** "

 _'Oh. So this is what love feels like... Much more lustful than I imagined?'_ Naruto was a bit dreamy eyed as he watched the Purple haired woman further lay into the cocky Uchiha before dropping her grip on his head a little to suuddenly for the boy as it bounced a bit roughly against the hardwood.

"Y-yes Ma'm!" Came his pained response.

"… What the hell did you just call me?" Anko stopped cold in her tracks, turning on a heel to walk towards the still downed boy.

"M-Ma'm?" Sasuke's brow furrowed with confusion and a small tint of fear.

"Last I checked I'm manner than any of you filth. Or do you disagree _Uchiha?_ "

Sasuke's mouth opened and closed rather quickly, no real response come out in his jumble of words. Miraculously, he managed to find his barring as Anko grabbed him this time by the nape of his neck.

"Yes, SIR!"

"Good, now that that's finished." Anko dropped the boys head with a resounding thud as his nose connected with the ground. "Where was I? Ah yes, name is Anko. You **_filth,_** can call me Sensei. This class will now properly begin."

"Sensei, I have a question."

"Ah, yes the old hag's kid. Another good one I hope?" Anko put on her biggest faux smile as she gave Naruto her undivided attention.

"So is there a Mr. Mitarashi? Or…"

Naruto's question hung in the air like the swing of a an executioners axe.

Sadly his question wasn't directly answered as he felt the weight of Sasuke collide with him as his thrown body sent them clear through two desk and into an unfortunately placed Kiba.

"Ahahah, I like you filth! But only real men even stand a chance with me. Get your first kill and then maybe we'll talk." Anko said as she dusted her hands off.

"Deal!" Naruto moaned in pain from beneath the pile of broken wood and heavy bodies.

 **xXx**

Naruto took the sudden flashback as to _why_ he seemed to gravitate toward such abusive women.

 _'Woah… What is wrong with me?'_ He shuddered as he adjusted the twin ponytail wig on his head. Before getting out of the car and heading toward the famous Uchiha Compound.

The man let out a yawn and waited for the tell tale static in his left ear.

"Stag, this is Fox. Operation Barbie is a go."

"Copy that Fox. Be safe,"

"Thanks for the concern-"

"And try to act somewhat normal. Stag out."

' _Normal?_ ' Naruto's head tilted a little at the notion. _'Because I fucking dress in drag every weekend right?'_ He raged to himself as he clomped his way to the front entrance. Thankfully on now broken heels that served as flats.

"You're giving yourself a lot of credit with the whole "Barbie" thing." Ino chimed in.

"Who the Hell's bright idea was it to give the Boar a mic anyway?" Naruto grumbled into the mic.

"The fuck did you just call me?-"

"If you're going to be on communications with us then you need a code name. Your name literally means Boar." Tenten answered, crackling into the adjacent ear piece.

"I don't fucking care _Panda!_ "

"See? You're getting it!" Tenten giggled.

"Yo, would you shut these three up I'm trying to get into character here-"

"We've been expecting you Miss Hatake." A rather large orange haired man interrupted, staring down at Naruto from his elevated desk. A moss pump-action shotgun slung to the front of his chest.

 _'Oh shit this is it.'_ Naruto realized as he found himself at the front desk of the building, framed on either side by two metal detectors.

"Kakashi has been rather excited to see his-"

 _'Don't say wife, don't say wife. Don't say wife.'_

"Daughter. If you'll please come this way." The nice guard said.

 _'Thank fucking god.'_

The guard led "her" to an inside seating area, filled with other visitors and prisoners alike. He left Naruto for a moment to go and retrieve Kakashi.

 _'Man this place is full of freaks.'_ He thought as he looked at the rooms occupants. Many strange characters with horribly placed face tattoos and grotesque scars. Many of them paid him no mind but he caught quite a few looking at him in a way he wasn't entirely comfortable with…

Most notably a table of six rather strange looking orange haired guys. All bearing some pretty gaudy looking face piercings, layering themselves in thick rows along the nose, ears, brows and anywhere else, each weirdo different from the last. All with a very off shade of light purple contacts in.

Naruto thought nothing of it as he tried to ignore their persistent leering.

 _'Man maybe the push-up bra was a bit much?'_ He questioned as he adjusted the stuffing on his chest.

xXx

"Is… is he wearing a dress or did my C4 finally rattle my brain case a bit?" A very confused Deidera asked from his blacked out van across the street from the compound.

"No way, scoot over." A much larger, much _**bluer**_ man replied as he shoved Deidera to the side, effectively pressing the blondes face against the glass. "Huh, well would you look at the that. The Fox has cracked already." The man said, watching a rather elaborately disguised Naruto as he entered the building. "Are those... Pumps?!"

"Move Kisame!" Deidera struggled pointlessly against the man's weight. "We got some fucking bombs to place."

"About that." A calm voice came from the back seat. "Do **not** blow up my little brother... And that's a skirt, not a dress you twits."

"But Itaaachiiii-"

"No buts. If he dies. You die. Got it?"

The man named Itachi gave little attention to the obvious covert actions of Naruto, giving him a quick once over through the window before resuming his sleep like state as he leaned his head against the car door.

"Yeah I got it… stupid broody Uchiha's." Deidera mumbled. "First you let them kill Hidan and now I gotta watch him play dress up? This is bullshit."

"Hidan underestimated his opponent. I suggest you not do the same. And besides." Itachi focused his attention on the constant flow of people in and out of the compound. "I think our friends can do some rather helpful reconnaissance from inside."

 _'Just what are you two up to I wonder?'_

xXx

"Hey pumpkin, it's such a nice surprise for you to visit your old man." Kakashi eye smiled from beneath his sick mask as the guard brought him in chains to the table Naruto was at.

"It's no problem dad, how've you been?" Naruto played the part as the armed guard lingered around for a moment.

"You hurt my soul young one, when on earth did you grow out of calling me Daddy?"

 _'HAH, don't push me you old pervert.'_

" _Maayyybe_ right around the time you found yourself in a max level prison?" Naruto replied with venom in his word and a fake smile on his face.

"Ouch… well then is just leave you two to it for a minute." The guard interrupted as he began to shuffle away hastily.

"Actually." Naruto gripped the man's sleeve before he could escape. "Could me and my father maybe talk outsides in the garden?"

"Umm." The man looked down at the girls surprisingly _firm_ grip. "The yard actually isn't open today for the inmates-"

"Come now Jugo." A voice came from behind the giant of a man. "Who are we to deny the "lady" some space with her father?"

"Ah hell, I know that bratty voice." Naruto choked out as he quickly looked for the source of it.

"Are you sure boss? Old man Madara said no yard time on Tuesdays-"

"It's ok Jugo, I got this. I am his favorite grandkid after all." Sasuke appeared on the man's right and Naruto could just feel the burning level of amusement the man was getting from seeing him in disguise.

"All right boss, I'll go make my rounds."

"Miss Hatake I must say, you are **stunning.** " Sasuke said with a rather amused smile, doing his best to maintain his composure.

"Isn't she?" Kakashi dawned the same hard working poker face.

"Fuck both of you." Naruto gritted through clenched teeth.

"Woah! That's not how any daughter of mine will speak!" Kakashi scolded. "Now apologize to the nice man-"

"Can we not? I have places to be." Naruto interrupted. "Sasuke you had your laugh, now get us outside."

Sasuke and Kakashi sadly looked at each other at the loss of their fun, but the Uchiha eventually complied as he hoisted Kakashi up by the elbow and led them to the garden area at the outside center of the compound.

Naruto couldn't help but notice how depressing the whole place was. The walls were all grey, the hallways were littered with armed guards who looked like they were well past any patience for the job. Even the "garden" had only a few shades of color to distinguish it from the average under-watered lawn.

 _'Underwhelmed yet again. The great Uchiha Compound is just a run of the mill penitentiary.'_ Naruto thought.

That is until he heard screaming from across the courtyard.

"Oh **FUCK** , everyone move!" Jugo screamed at everyone in the immediate area, easily snatching up two guards and throwing them over over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes before running toward Naruto's group.

He was like a charging tank of orange hair and muscles.

 _'What the hell is going on-'_

A plume of purple smoke began to bellow out of the hallway Jugo evacuated. An alarmingly large cloud of purple haze started to leak from the hallway followed by a daisy chain of staccato BOOM's heard sporadically around the compound.

Sasuke pulled his collared blue shirt up high to keep out the thick smog before barking out orders. Naruto did much in the same of covering his face with the loose blouse top.

"Kakashi don't move a fucking muscle! Jugo get any stray prisoners in a cell right now! And **you!** " He turned to Naruto, one shoulder of Kakashi held firmly in place by his grip.

"Why the hell does something have to happen EVERY. FUCKING. TIME you're around?!" Sasuke was fuming as he ushered the two frantically toward the front part of the building.

Naruto found himself only a slight bit surprised by the sudden disruption. Everywhere to his left and right inmates were beginning to drop unconscious to the floor with heavy sighs as the smoke seemed to make quick work of them. Clearly whomever was responsible was here for either Kakashi or himself. As the tell tale thunder of shouting and commotion of bodies seemed to be tearing around the corner towards them. He found the change of pace all too exciting. Shrugging his shoulders as he helped back a toothy grin under the girly shirt.

"It's a talent of mine I suppose."

 **xXx**

 **A/N: Oh yeah… I love writing this story. And Naruto quite literally looks like Naruko for the most part in this chapter(Ino's that good).**

 **Kidding.**

 **Thoughts on new character additions? Let me know. I love a huge cast, but not to the point where people begin to be left out. That being said, this story still has a waaayyysss to go. And for those wondering if I'm just name dropping characters or if they'll pop up once mentioned?… well I guess you'll just have to wait to see huh :)**

 **PS: Tenten as just a standby? HAH, just wait on it.**

 **Thanks for reading guys! And thanks for the love on the last chapter, hope you enjoyed this one.**


	11. The Warriors

**Sorry. I'm an idiot and forgot to add literally a whole section.**

 **xXx**

"Head for the exit closest to the entrance." Sasuke shouted, all while herding a still detained Kakashi and a gleeful Naruto.

"Wait. Why?" Naruto stopped retreat of the ominous purple smog. "There's literally a side exit right there."

In fact there was a much more accessible exit about ten feet away, compared to the front entrance that would take at least two minutes of running to reach.

"Because I **said so.** " Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the elbow but was met with strong right to the jaw.

"Agh! What hell was that for-"

"What's going on here Sasuke?" Naruto scanned there immediate area and noted that their current 'crisis' was quite tame. Aside from the slow moving smoke, cells seemed to be opening radomly around the compound. Cell mates that weren't in the effected areas seemed confused, stepping out of there cells to survey the area. If the criminals noticed what he had, then surely they noticed the sudden lack of armed guards patrolling the area. The handful that were left seemed to be following Sasukes lead and heading for the farthest exit.

"What are you on about? We need to leave!" Naruto continues to ignore the Uchiha, creeping slowly towards the closest exit.

"Naruto." Naruto stopped his steady retreat when Kakashi called out to him.

"What old man?" The silver haired man had his attention. For now.

"I think it's in your best entrance if you just follow us." Kakashi looked to Sasuke whom gave him a curt nod in thanks.

"And if I don't?" Naruto's smiley was cocky as ever, a shit eating grin at the thought of them trying to 'make' him do anything.

"Wel... _'sigh'"_ Kakashi huffed a tired breath. "I guess Juugo will just have to carry you."

"Wait. Who now-"

 _'Woah why am I falling to the ground?'_

The hard smack to the back of Naruto's head echoed in the hallway, triggering the subtle sounds of prisoners racing down the hallway, eager to escape the fire the guards decided to correct this 'mistake'.

xXx

"So,when were you going to tell me?"

Gaara waited patiently for a reply, pushing a rusted push mow lazily across the Uchiha compounds south gardens, cracked and riddled with shabby crab grass.

"I mean... it never really came up in conversation." Tenten replied on the other end of her radio.

"It never came up when there were literally _dozens_ of ROOT grunts headed our way that 'Hey you guys, I'm pretty good with A FUCKING KNIFE!'?"

"... Don't yell at me."

 _'She can **not** be serious.'_ But Gaara could all but feel the pout on Tenten's face, even over the frequency.

"You two were so busy with your whole super 'macho' thing that nothing ever really came close enough to me without getting filled with lead. So you don't have to be such a dick head about it!"

"Ok ok ok... I'm sorry." He really wasn't, but a smart man knows when to pick his battles.

"Good." Shikamaru interrupted. "Now if you two lovebirds are done-"

"Bite me." Came the simultaneous response.

"If you're done. Hound, please note the purple miasma like cloud creeping around the compound."

Gaara humored the man, a rusted shovel in hand as he left his position at the rear of the compound. His guise having been digging up the copious amounts of weeds and other mundane gardner task.

"Should he be looking for a purple Cheshire Cat too?"

"Ha. Ha." Shikamaru bit out. "Fox's line has gone quiet, and the last thing I could hear was chaos in the background. Either he's having fun, or you know, dead."

"I'd be lying if I said I thought he wasn't having fun. But I'll check it out." Gaara strolled his way through the West gate, giving himself a clear line of site of the compounds garden. " let's see, let's see..."

He walked towards the inner circle of the garden but found no traces of... well anyone.

 _'What the hell?'_

"Well unless these inmates got a summer break, I'm not seeing a damn thing in this place."

"Nothing? Hold up, I'm pulling up the drone."

Shikamaru was known for his intelligence. But what good would a super genius be with out a plethora of cool toys? A standard four-winged drone took flight from above the compounds roof. Circling the compounds entirety with nothing out of the ordinary.

That is until it's camera panned in on the front entrance.

"Uh oh."

"What do you mean 'uh oh'?" Gaara paused his advance to the front gate when the genius fell silent.

Nothing.

"Stag? What's happening?" Tenten questioned.

"Um... Panda get the car ready. Hound needs a hasty retreat, ASAP."

"Woah. I'm a barista, Stag. Baristas don't fucking retreat, what the hell is going on up there??" Gaara said, keeping the _very_ nonchalant sarcasm.

"Well Mr. Barista. You got about 300 angry customers at the front door. You either take care of them all? Or you close up shop, your choice."

"You're telling me there's a prison riot going on out there?" Gaara was at the front entrance by now, only a hand on the handle separating him from the parking lot.

"A riot? No, this is something else."

Shikamaru moved his drone ever so closely to a lamppost, balancing the drone on top for a vantage point. A sea of inmates littered the parking lot, crowded quiet calmly around a group of men standing atop a couple vehicles. "It looks more like a... rally?"

"Listen brothers!" One of the orange haired men Naruto had seen earlier spoke to the crowd with confidence. "Now is not the time for segregation."

Tenten revved up Gaara's Cameron in the back parking lot before interjecting. "A rally? Of the cities most dangerous criminals? What is this the warriors-"

"Shh. I can't hear!"

"Just over there we have the sound four, standing next to Demon brothers. Zabuza and his crew next to the Gato gang! This. THIS is what opportunity combined with POWER, looks like brothers. We have a real opportunity here." The six men spoke as one. Cutting in speech to have it fluently finished by the next member.

"We." The main one of the six gestured with a open wave to the group of them. "We are the six paths of Pain. And we invite you to join our family. There's only _one_ station in this whole city, if we don't count those coward Uchiha who turned tail at the sight of a little prison break. And I think WE." The main Pain gestured instead at the crowd of criminals. "We can take over this town."

The crowd rumbled with agreement. Shouts of taking over the city coming from each group.

 _'Well it's kinda like the Warriors...'_ Shikamaru thought to himself.

"We've coordinated our release so that we may make these mere words a reality. And it starts with this man. Bring him up men!"

"Troublesome." Shikamaru zoomed his camera in on the captive.

"This _man_ " the other 5 Pains brought forward Naruto atop the red pick-up truck that their leader had been speaking from. "Was a trusted pawn of that dastardly woman that put us all in here, the 'Honorable Tsunade'. Feast your eyes on our vengeance." the group stripped the wig from his head, revealing the cropped blonde hair beneath.

"Fox is in trouble. Get in there. Now!"

xXx

 _'How'd I get myself into this mess?'_ Naruto wiggled left and right at the hold of he two bigger men holding him as auction for the crowd.

"Naruto Uzamaki! Many of you have more than likely been busted by this guy. Or perhaps some of your colleagues have been shot down by his twisted since of "justice" under Tsunade's tyranny. And he dares to spy on us under the guise of _this_ ugly broad? What should we do with him boys?"

"Hey guy I wasn't ' _spying'_ and I ain't ugly-"

Naruto's back talk was cut short by a knee to the jaw from one of his captors.

The crowd shouted in outrage, many of whom had had close encounters with the blonde that left them severely injured or incarcerated.

"Hang em!"

Naruto schofed at the notion, how clichè of them.

"Beat him!"

At this he laughed at this one, mere thugs couldn't measure up to the interrogations he had in Oto. He spit out a bloody tooth that came lose from attack moments ago.

"IS THAT ALL YOU GOT YOU FUCKING COWARDS?!"

"Toss him off of the compound!"

"Oh..." was all Naruto could say at that one.

 _'But I HATE HEIGHTS!'_ Naruto struggled at the barbaric idea, and it didn't go unnoticed by the crowd.

"Well then Uzamaki." The Pains hoisted him up with relative ease. "We have a winner. Looks like you're taking a trip."

"Put me down you freaks!"

The mob shouted in triumph from the lot as the six Paths made their way to the buildings roof.

xXx

"So are we just going to let Pain poach our kill? This is horseshit!"

"Silence Deidera, something tells me the Fox has an ace up his sleeve."

"What makes you so sure Itachi?" Kisame questioned.

"If you haven't noticed, my incorrigible little brother and his prisoner are nowhere to be seen."

"Bet he's dead..."

Deidera's smart comment earned him a swift back hand from the rear seat.

"Ow! I'm just sayin, geez." He said, rubbing the forming knot on the back of his head.

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted... My grandfather seems to be absent as well." Itachi scanned the lot and found only a handful of guards that were effectively restrained by the prisoners. The mass majority of the facilities security as well as his grandfather, seemed to be completely absent.

"Uchiha's aren't so easily surprised, I'm willing to guess this 'escape' was premeditated and that Little brother knew about in advance. He would've no doubt informed Madara about it." Itachi seemed lost in thought as he pondered possible motives for letting this transpire.

"How does that even make sense? What warden just lets their entire flock walk out the front door."

Itachi's gaze wandered, but he answered anyway.

"The corrupt kind."

xXx

Ino's position has been placed as an overwatch. The girl had a high vantage point from the abandoned office building a street over, but the heightened altitude seemed to do her radio piece no favors as she effectively lost connection once she reached the top. She'd ran to her position as soon as the commotion rang out, having seen many a guard and prisoner fall unconscious when a thick purple smog started creeping out of the entrance. Even catching sight of Naruto, Sasuke and a handcuffed Kakashi.

By the time she made it to the top of her building, the parking lot was beginning to fill with a concerning amount of prisoners. Some whom made a break for it on their own, but a mass majority began to form a crowd. She studied through her binoculars and saw the capture of Naruto transpire.

Oddly enough, Kakashi and Sasuke were absent.

"Stag come in, are you seeing this?"

Only static.

 _'Damnit Shikamaru.'_

The Paths made a quick trip of the four-story building and Ino still couldn't seem to get in touch with any of the others.

"You big dumb idiot, how do you manage to get captured? By B-list villains no less..." Ino traded her binoculars for her collapsible rifle she'd lugged around in her over-sized purse for the last hour. She steadied the scope of her rifle complete with neon yellow crosshairs, custom built for her 500m scope. It kinda looked like a sunset when she aimed it at the orange head of the bigger Pain holding Naruto in position. "Stop squirming sissy. It's just a four story drop."

 _'Should I line up and wait for a double?... nah there's not enough time. Maybe if I kill the first one fast enough Naruto can escape? No, that won't work either. Improvise?'_ Ino inhaled and exhaled deeply.

"Well here goes nothing." Her finger eased on the trigger, pulling smoothly for her first-

"BARBIE HOLD YOUR FIRE!"

Ino shrieked a womanly shriek only a shitty, melodramatic slasher film could provide. Successfully jumping out of her own skin and landing on her ass.

"Do **NOT** scare me like that!!" Luckily, she was able to take the rifle with her before she inevitably blew the orange headed man's head off.

She spotted the drone flying ever so close to her position and attempted to contact Shikamaru again.

"Stag? How do I read?"

Static fizzled on her end before Shikamaru's voice finally replied.

"Barbie this is Stag. I read you loud and clear. I'm using the drone as a median to reach your frequency. All parties say check."

"Hound. Check."

"Panda. Check."

"Stag. Check."

"Oh thank god." Ino let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Now what the hell was that about?? Don't you see them getting ready to execute him?... that's a total waste of those pumps-"

"Focus Barbie. Focus." If there was a way you could roll your eyes with your voice, Shikamaru would've mastered it by now. "Panada is currently sneaking up the staircase behind the Pains to support your attack. Naruto's radio seems to be compromised, he's kicking and screaming like a toddler and I'm getting no feedback. So this will be on you two."

"Oh ok… so two things."

"Shoot." Shikamaru was busy surveying possible exit points from the building to real hear the 'calm' nature of her question.

"First. The Who??? And second. You meant to say the fucking redhead. RIGHT?!"

"Barbie calm down, Panda is more than capable of-" Gaara attempted to reason. He himself having traded positions with Tenten, pulling his car around back for a hasty retreat.

"NO. You want me to trust his life in the hands of some random ass civilian?! What is wrong with-"

"I'm in position." Tenten had a clear view of the six men. They were putting on a show for their crowd. Dipping Naruto dangerously close to falling before bringing him back off the edge.

One palm sized serrated blade was her weapon of choice. With a built in knuckle grip, she held her blade in the reverse.

With having just ascended the staircase, the Path had no rear security to spot her. She crept forward slowly toward her first target, the Pain tasked with watching the only ladder to the roof, far away from the group.

A hand over the mouth and a slit of the throat from ear to ear left the man limp as he descended limply off the rear of the building. The thick splat on the concrete unheard against the boisterous cheers on the mob.

"One down." Tenten gave herself a high five on a job well done.

"We're going to have a serious talk when all of this is over…" Gaara waited impatiently, unaware at what skills it was that Tenten possessed. As well as HOW she came to acquire them. "Like seriously, when were you going to mention that you can casually assassinate grown ass men?"

"Second target down." This one fell more violently than the last. With a rough kick to the back of the knee, the Pain furthest from the groups view fell to his knees, a serrated blade piercing through his chest cavity before a word could be uttered. "Now there's 4 left, I'll be needing your help with this one princess."

"It's _Barbie._ " Ino scoffed.

"I mean… you said it, not me. Just get in position."

"Ugh...Well I guess we're playing this games today huh? If the idiot dies it's on **all** of you."

Ino steadied back behind her rifle. Doing her best to keep a level head, she continued with her deep breathing, focusing her cross hairs on the thug tossing Naruto about by the hair.

"I have the one holding Fox in my sights."

"Good." Tenten replied, she took a knee behind a ventilation hub as she plotted her next move. "How fast can you shoot that thing?"

Ino looked down at her rifle and mentally noted the pull on the side, indicating it's use as a single shot rifle.

"Fast enough. But you'll have to give me at least ten seconds between shots"

"Ten?" Tenten giggled. "Don't tell me I'm the best here with a _gun_ too?

"No seriously. Who are you? I don't think I even know who you are anymore." Gaara pouted.

"Babe... you're all just pretty ameatur marksman, that's all." Tenten fought hard to hold in her laugh, her bluff was bold and their reactions were worth it.

"Not on your life… Fine, give me five. Think you can manage to not die for that long?"

"Roger that _Barbie._ "

"Well here goes nothing, as soon as that shots fired, secure Fox and get the fuck out of there." She took one last breath and gave a count.

"3…2…"

Tenten stalked her next victim, hanging closely on Ino's count.

"1!"

 **BANG**

The first bullet sounded off like a cannon. The long haired Pain that had been holding Naruto dropped like a sack of potatoes off the four story building. A clean hole through his forehead that blossomed like a bloody flower on the rear of the skull. In tandem, Tenten forced here knife clean through the ear of the Pain closest to her and grabbed Naruto by the handcuffs before the weight of the dead body pulled him off the roof. With two left, another Pain sprinted at the pair in attempts to knock them off the roof, but met the business end of Naruto's double knuckle grip, a huge blow to the abdomen before Tenten finished the job, kicking him off the building to join the now forming pile of bodies.

"Serves you dick heads right for brining me up here." Naruto spit off the edge for good measure.

The mob was in hysterics.

"Sniper!" Zabuza ducked out of instinct, shoving a few other inmates out of the way to get underneath a car.

"Its the cops!"A group of Oto thugs we're immediately up in arms, searching for the source of fire.

"Fuck that! Everyone, **FUCKING SCATTER**!" Tayuya of the Sound 4 shouted.

Scatter seemed to be the trigger word. Inmates began to scale the fence walls at breakneck speeds, trampling over each other to get out of dodge.

"Well well, your reputation proceeds you Uzumaki, I see you were a bit more prepared than I thought." The only Pain left spoke, their leader with the row of pierercings scaling either side of his nose.

"Glad you heard about me, too bad you couldn't catch me at my Sunday best." Naruto said sarcastically, motioning at the disheveled get up he was forced to wear. "It's a good thing I had some good back up."

"Your welcome." Tenten chimed in with a smile as she wiped off the blood from her blade on one the fallen men.

"Did Gaara freak when you told him?" Naruto snorted at the thought of Gaara EVER being caught off guard.

"Oh my god he did!! It was _adorable_ how upset he-"

"Egh-Hm!" Came the rather peeved interruption of Pain. "Aren't we in the middle of something here?" Pain very pointedly gestured to the now full blown prison break and the multitude of dead bodies.

"Yeah yeah, hold your horses there pin-cushion."

"Pin-cushion?" Pein very self-consciously brought a face to his piercings. "How dare you-"

"Shhh. Sh." Naruto brought a finger to his own lips. "Save it. I've got some questions, and unless you rather be filleted by my lovely friend here." Naruto gestured with an open hand. Tenten waved excitedly at the man.

Pein weighed his options as wise men tend to do. A gaze switching from the lot below to the crazy girl with a pocket sized trench knife.

"Fine. What do you need to know."

"Smart man." Naruto lead on. "How the hell did you organize this prison outbreak, and why the hell does it seem like **nobody** cares at all that there's about to be LITERAL jail worth of criminals in the streets."

Pain's face was masterfully stoic, and his reply was just as calm.

"The Path had nothing to do with this outbreak. We're only even here to take you, the prison break was just an added bonus."

"Wasn't you huh?... So what. There's a sudden outbreak of purple smog and no one has answers? Who did this? Where Sasuke? Hell." Naruto grabbed the man by his manila prison collar. "Where on earth is Kakash-"

 **BANG**

A second round took Pains head clean off.

"Wha?…" Naruto blinked.

 **Hard.**

Blood spray covered his face as what was left of the man he'd been interrogating went still in his grip.

"Um, guys?" Ino muttered.

"What. ACTUAL. FUCK. **INO**?!" Shikamaru screamed into his ear piece. He'd watched the mans head pop like bloody water balloon.

"Hey! Maintain radio discipline. No names! What the hell is happening up there?!" Gaara asked as he hid low in his drivers seat, clear from the eyesight few straggling escapees.

"Guys?" Ino tried to interject once more.

"Barbie just blew this guys brains all over the place before Naruto could finish questioning him!" Tenten replied, busy trying to get Naruto out of his current state of shake, tugging him without much success to the stairwell.

"GUYS!"

" **WHAT?!** " Came the unison response of Gaara, Shikamaru, and Tenten.

"I-I.." Ino was frantically surveying the area with her scope.

"Spit it out pig!" Tenten was at her wits end, finally deciding to drag Naruto by force down the stairwell.

"I didn't fire a shot!"

The group radio went quiet for a moment.

"Well if you didn't." Shikamaru maneuvered his drone as quickly as possible around the area. "Who did?"

"Oh, that'd be me." And additional voice entered the group.

"Who the hell is that and how did you get on this frequency?" Gaara questioned.

"A little buddy gave me this _fancy_ earpiece. It seems someone has misplaced it." Came a monotone response.

Ino held her breath as she hastened her search for the source of fire even more.

"The blonde behind the rifle knows exactly who I am."

"S-sai?-"

"Hello beautiful."

 **BANG**

The next round knocked Shikamaru's drone down from the sky, along with all of Ino's connection to the group.

 **xXx**

 **A/N: Hey guys, not as long as usual, but I wanted to put something out there that was all progression, and without flashbacks (even though they're important.)**

 **Hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Oh, and thoughts on my flashbacks? They're actually pretty fun to write.**

 **REVIEW. And thank you to those of you who do already(:**


	12. Adapting

**A/N: Keeping the 4-5k word chapter format isn't hard. I've just been re-writing a lot lately. Anyway, here ya go! Hope you enjoy.**

 **P.S. I'm not sorry about Anko, you're sorry.**

 **xXx**

 ** _Basic training. W.E.T Facility_**

"I think I could marry a stripper."

"... You can't be serious."

Gaara halted the progression of his fork. His subpar Mac and cheese could wait in light of his friends rash decision.

"No I'm serious! Just think about it." Naruto was on cloud nine, shoveling down grey mounds of mush that passed as mash potatoes in the W.E.T. training centers galley.

"Strong, confident. They're _the_ ideal woman. And I mean." A fifteen year old Naruto gazed stary-eyed at Anko across the length of the crowded room. She was busy ravaging the remains of a eighteen ounce steak with her hands and a sharp toothed grin. "She's heavenly."

"You realize just because she looks like one doesn't mean she is. She kills people for a living. You know that!... Right?" Gaara waved a slow hand in front of his face but found no response in his enlarged pupils. A concerned look as he looked over his shoulder to a woman dissecting flesh from bone in a manner that would make a grown man blush. "She probably snatched that chunk of meat from someone's chest cavity..."

"Huh?" Mash simply hit the side of his mouth while his jaw hanged in awe.

 **xXx**

"It's EVERYWHERE."

"Stop being so dramatic, there's just a little dribble on your face."

"Dribble... a DRIBBLE?!"

Tenten and Naruto were busy descending four flights of stairs in hopes of reaching Ino. A mysterious shooter had interrupted Naruto's interrogation and the bloody fruits of its aftermath were proving too much for the blonde.

Or at the very least infuriating him.

The prospect of being made a human canvas of body fluids didn't sit well with the him, and the emptied hallways of the Uchiha compound were there to hear all of his venting.

"She could have at LEAST waited for me to get out of the way!"

Tenten stopped cold in her tracks, having realized they were both rushing for a different reason. She, because she was worried for Ino's safety, and him because he was upset about a little face paint. She took Naruto by the arm before he could exit the building. He shrugged her off as a thought popped in his head , he looked down at his bare feet, having lost his feminine foot wear in the whole "hostage" situation.

 _'I really need to change.'_

"Naruto..." Tenten said nervously.

Naruto busied himself with changing, stripping the garments from the unlucky guard that had been beaten unconscious in the prisons hallway. He traded his ladylike appearance for the guards black pants, blue button up and most importantly. Real shoes.

 _'The shirts a little big but it'll do.'_

"And you!" Naruto pointed an acusing finger at the woman. "You turned those other guys into bloody pincushions! I knew you were skilled but a little warning would be nice before I get hurled off of a fucking building-"

"Naruto!"

"What woman?!" They're reached the edge of the hallway and Naruto had managed to remove the majority of the splatter from his face.

"Ino." She took a breath to compose herself. "Ino didn't shoot that shot-"

"What do you mean she didn't shoot that shot? Last I checked we only had one sniper-... oh."

He was out the door before she could hold him back.

"Naruto slow down!"

 **BANG**

Sniper fire continued to echo through the parking lot. Knowing the target, Naruto only ran faster.

"You don't even know what you're doing you idiot!!"

"No friend of mine is getting hurt because of me, that's a promise. Naruto shouted over his shoulder." He had no gun, no knife, no vest, and his new shoes were definitely a bit tight.

But his mind was already made up.

 **xXx**

 ** _Basic training. W.E.T Facility_**

"Now _that's_ a woman."Gaara smiled in the opposite direction across the table behind Naruto.

A girl sat alone, picking uninterestingly at a limp looking salad.

Naruto turned conspicuously, and asked not in the least bit quietly. "You mean Haku??"

The redhead made to shush Naruto's boisterous mouth but noticed the heavy commotion of the galley. He was loud, but he wasn't a megaphone, and she didn't seem to notice, so he let it slide.

"Yes, you loud idiot, Haku."

Haku was possibly the most fair skinned woman Gaara had ever laid eyes on. Her skin glowed like moonlight and dark brown eyes seemed to twinkle against the background of all of that white. She was one of the few females he knew to stay away from make up, but somehow still seemed unflawed. Combined with long, thick black tresses, she was the staple for what most might consider "natural beauty."

"...You know thats a guy right?"

Gaara seemed unphased as he continued his meal.

"That's a vicious lie and you know it. Plus, it came from _Kiba_. He probably spread that lie when he couldn't get in her pants."

" _His,_ pants."

"Shut it."

"Now don't get me wrong. Pretty dude and all but I just didn't know you swung that way." Naruto shrugged dismissively and continued his ogling of Anko.

"I don't _'swing'_ that way-"

"I mean, it would explain a lot now that I think about it."

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"

"Something wrong here, Sabaku?"

The subject of Naruto's admiration had somehow managed to sneak up on the two amidst their squabble.

"Wrong? Nothings wrong Sir-"

"Was I fucking talking to you Uzamaki?"

The boy in question froze like a stiff board.

"Um, No I-"

"Oh!" Anko's voice got louder as she smacked a hard hand on the table. "I guess my name got changed to fucking UM? Now that's _news_ to me."

"No Sir." Gaara interrupted in the behalf of Naruto. "He must have gotten mixed up. Please forgive him."

Gaara did the best thing he could do, which was shut up before she could yell at him any further. He'd already stuck his neck out for the both of them, anything further might cause unneeded attention on their part.

"Feeling ballsy today, huh Sabaku?" Her attention leaned back towards him after his apology. "I initially came over here to see if you were eye-fucking my favorite student. But now I think we'll have some fun with this."

At this point the entirety of the room was focused on the three. The girl in question seemed as oblivious as the rest of the group before them. Gaara sent a very embarrassed look at the ground before making brief eye contact with her. Haku wasn't the type to be easily rattled, but the sudden realization that Gaara was into her, combined with the murmuring and stares front the rest of the collective youth, was enough to send steam blowing from her ears.

"The only jerk she should have to deal with around here is me. And you _boys,_ don't seem to understand that. Always picking on my favorites."

Anko. Oblivious, or more than likely uncaring of the absolute social trauma she was putting Haku through, proceeded to walk over to the girl and give her the most motherly hug possible, cradling her head between her bust.

Much to Haku's discomfort.

"I only get at most three girls a class! I can't have you perverts making it any harder for them than it has to be." This comment clearly was pointed at Kiba as well as she sent a death glare his way.

The boy gulped and backed away quickly into the crowd.

"But I didn't do anything Sir."

"Quiet Sabaku. I'm not typically this kind but apologize for eye-fucking my student, and all will be forgiven."

 _'Who let the fucking devil become our instructor.'_

Gaara thought loosely of the hypothetical scene in which Tsunade was laughing sinisterly as she stamped a big yes on Anko's mugshot resume. A long list of felonies and misconducts beneath her name. The older blond ecstatic at the chance to torment her future students, a nearly empty bottle of sake in her free hand.

 _'That old hag...'_

Gaara thought long and hard about what a cruel situation this was. Switching gaze between the anticipating crowd, a dangerously impatient Anko, and probably most importantly, the tomato faced Haku who seemed to be reddening with embarrassment with each passing second between Anko's milk valley.

Or perhaps from lack of oxygen.

 _'Lucky bastard.'_ Naruto fumed silently

 _'Do I apologize and label myself as a creep? Or deny it like any normal man?..'_ Gaara thought, more rationally than his counterpart.

The room was tense but Gaara kept his cool.

"I apologize Haku."

Gaara made to make his leave but Anko came to hold him seated in place with a firm grip.

"Foorrrr?" She teased.

Sigh

"I'm sorry for starring."

"Ah, ah, ahh. I do not believe that was the agreed upon term maggot." Anko smile was as large as her amusement. "Let her know you're sorry for eye-fucking her and how much of a creep you are."

 _'Welp. Good bye social life.'_

"I'm sorry for eye-fuc"

"SIR IT WAS MY FAULT!"

"…huh?" Anko blinked. She'd never had a student so out of line as Naruto tended to be. This particular outburst was just as surprising as their first encounter.

"Yeah, what?" Gaara asked aloud.

"It's my fault Gaara was looking in Haku's direction. I said some uh… unsavory things about her and Gaara happened to be defending her honor in a way."

Gaara let out a sigh of relief, where it might not had really been Naruto's fault at all, it was nice to know someone at least had his back.

After all, this whole situation was fucking stupid.

"So this is all your fault huh, Uzumaki?" Anko released the girl much to her joy as she gulped down a huge inhale. Haku noticeably relaxed as well, giving Naruto a agitated look in the process.

"Yes sir!" Naruto shook his head firmly. Standing tall with his hands folded behind his back, ready for his punishment.

"So you're taking _full_ responsibility?" Anko was by no means a small woman. By this point she was staring Naruto in the eye, an angry frown only inches from his face.

Turns out Intimidation had a feminine look, and it came in the form of Anko Mitarashi.

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Good." Anko's frown turned toothy, and her predatory smile found itself pointed in Gaara's direction. "Sabaku!" Meet me at the sandbox in five minutes."

"Huh?" They boys responded in unison. As well as with most of the confused crowd.

"Let this be a lesson to all of you." Her pointed words grew wide as she turned to face everyone in the room. "Some of you will come face to face with defeat. And it's gonna hurt, no doubt about that. We instructors can teach you how to deal with it accordingly, and hopefully, win more than you lose. But what I can not help you with." Anko shot Naruto a nasty glare before shoving Gaara towards the door. He got the hint and took off.

"What I can not help you with is the guilt. Some of you noobies seem to think it's a great idea to bare the weight of others downfalls. Always playing the 'hero'. We are not heroes, we are professionals. And I don't give a damn if you're buddy just embarrassed himself or if he's fucking **dead,** you don't waste good resources. Good warriors try to adapt. NOT give themselves up for something that's already happened." Anko's words seemed to snarl with each syllable like the beast she was. "Understand? Good. Now all of you get out of here before you join sand boy in the pit!"

The room began to clear out with out hesitation. The threat of enduring various exercises in a sandbox full of scorpions was more of a promise than a threat, and all of the trainees knew it.

"Ah! Except for you." Anko held Naruto by the collar. "You idiot, sit down. Why'd you do that?"

Naruto did as he was told and sat abruptly while trying to come up with an answer. But all he could think about was how it was his fault Gaara was in trouble, considerably more trouble now depending on who you ask.

"I-I'm not sure Sir."

"Bull. Shit." Anko's foot tapped heavily on the tiled floor. "You friend was in trouble and you wanted to bare all the consequence on your own. Well news flash kid."

Anko pointed to the wall of valor. A great mural of faces and various feats of the many W.E.T operatives before them. Tsunade sat relatively close to its center.

"Each one of those old salts didn't get the job done by trying to martyr themselves at every turn. They adapted instead and fucking **won** I don't want you being the dumb rookie who loses his life trying to play hero. I want you to lead a pack of warriors better than I ever could, so that you don't have to deal with loss. Do you understand? Or am I taking to a blonde brick?"

"Yes sir, I promise to do better…"

"Good. Now get the fuck out of here, I gotta finish my dango."

 **xXx**

 ** _Back at the Uchiha compound parking lot._**

"Let's not try and break that promise today." Instead of a dead on sprint across the lot, Naruto stuck to the longer route towards Ino's building that encompassed the prison as cover. He tapped on the hood of Gaara's Camero and motioned for him to pull alongside the building.

 **xXx**

"PSSTT!" Tayuya "whispered" rather harshly in the lobby of the glass building across from the compound.

"What?" Sakon stopped dead in his tracks, ear close to a black safe he'd been trying to break in since the riot.

"Do you hear that?" The sound of rushing feet up the staircase was getting louder. "Fucking hide!"

The duo clung close to the wall behind an office desk and peered around its corner carefully to see Naruto race by in a hurry up to the next floor.

"It's that Uzamaki brat the Deva's we're going on about." Sakon whispered.

"Who cares. Let's get anything of value and fucking split." Tayuya said, creeping around the corner and towards the staircase.

"Right behined you, I just want to get in this safe first." Sakon had exceptional skills as a theif, he'd broken into many of locks but the small black vault before him seemed a bit out of place. The office space was so neat and administrative, as well as empty due to the commotion next door.

He thought nothing of it as he finally cracked the old school style lock, after a few false attempts, to find a small black package inside.

"Hm, I wonder what this is?" Sakon palmed the package, shaking it a bit and hearing no indication as to what it might be.

"Hurry up you idiot!" Tayuya whispered (screeched) from the top of the stairs.

"Coming." He pocketed the package in his briefs and raced after her.

 **xXx**

Thankfully he had a nice 'break' as a hostage and had enough energy to clear the ten flights of stairs to the roof hallway in only a couple minutes.

"Ino!!" He whispered sharply down the top hallway.

"INO!"

"HUSH"! He could hear Ino yell from the other side of the roofs doorway. "I'm kinda focused on NOT dying.

"What's the situation?" Naruto got close enough to sit his back against the wall next to the door and peak his head out the doorway as low as possible.

"Oh nothing crazy, homicidal huaband, dumb pretty boys trying to play hero. You know, the usual."

"…I'm pretty?"

"That is NOT the point right now." Ino was currently in the prone at the very edge of the roof, covered only by a two foot ridge of metal and brick.

She had to admit, the sight of him in something extensively more masculine was a sight for sore eyes. To bad the shirt was a tad too tight-

 **BANG**

Ino collected her thoughts and noted the direction of the rounds as they flew over head.

"The shots are coming at a angle. The sniper fire that took out that drone is at a higher elevation than us, if I leave this spot he could very well blow my head off before I reach the door." At that Naruto quickly stuck his head back inside.

"THINK YOU WANT TO MENTION THAT EARLIER NEXT TIME?"

"NO ONE TOLD YOU TO COME UP HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE."

"DAMNIT WOMAN….(sigh) nope. Nope, I'm not doing this today." Naruto took a moment to compose himself before speaking . "We're going to get you off this roof. What's his location?"

"Don't cry. He's got his scope focused on me, I doubt he'll take the time to zero in on your location-"

 **BANG**

A round ripped through the wooden door, leaving what was left of it on its henges. Shattering wood and glass alike into tiny pieces.

"… I lay corrected."

"It's almost like my instincts were fucking right huh?…. Now what do you see?" Naruto shuffled back carefully down the hallway as to maintain eyes on Ino, but distance himself from the shooters line of sight at the same time.

Ino looked left and right at the bullet holes that had littered her position. The angle of the three shots on her right and left combined with the slightly left overhead shot that took out the door indicated a cone like pattern. That could be pointed just about 11o'clock of the compound.

"I'd say the old leaf paper factory past the compound. It's got 15 floors, my father used to do business there."

 _'Now the real question is how I get her out of there in one piece…'_

"Alright beautiful, I hope you're ready."

"For?"

Another round went over head, this time reaching into the hallway, about two feet from Naruto's previous position.

"Well, you're going to have to shoot him."

"Say what?"

"Did you get gunpowder in your ears woman? Shoot. Him. D.E.D. Dead!"

"Are you thick in the head? I married Sai for a reason, he is a **much** better shot than I am and a hell of a lot less compassionate. So I don't see 'giving me a fighting chance' on his list of things to do today."

"Chicks really like the whole 'broody assholeish' thing don't they?..."

Another round made itself dangerously close to Ino's new position as she continued to crawl the length of the small wall.

"I got an idea!" He shouted over to her.

But Naruto's train of thought was muffled by the eyes. Eyes that caught glimpse of a pair of bright pink panties that peaked through the purple dress that rode up with every stride Ino took.

"On second thought. If I leave you down there I'm sure you'll survive." Naruto gripped his chin with his pointer finger and thumb in contemplation.

Ino's paused her retreat. Looking from Naruto, to herself, and then back to Naruto.

"I'm about to die. And all you can think about. Is my ass." The anger has washed over her in two swift waves. The first at the realization that her favorite dress was being mangled by a low crawl, and the second when she realized that Naruto had been able to peek at her little bit of heaven. But the look on her face now was from the pure disbelief in the other blondes priorities.

"I mean obviously I'm kidding but can you fucking blame me? I mean what are you feeding that thing?!"

(Gasp)

 _'Maybe the wrong choice of words.'_

"What the fuck did you just say to me-"

"COMPLIMENT. Compliment, compliment, Jesus H. Christ it was a **compliment**."

 _'This woman is way too distracting.'_

"On what world is calling a woman, WHO IS UNDER FIRE, a fat ass. A fucking compliment?!"

 **BANG.**

Another round riddled through what remained of the door. Spilling more glass and wood at Naruto's feet. The roof itself was made of metal paneling , making it hard to believe the guy had gotten so many close hits with that much reflection in his way.

 _'A real distraction huh…'_

"Ino give me your gun."

"What? No. Tsunade talked shit about your rifle skills every chance she got."

"Ino." Naruto laid prone on the wooden floor, arms stretched out. "Trust me."

"And why should I trust _you?..._ " Ino's hands fiddled nervously with the grip of her sniper rifle.

"Well for one, it seems like I'm the only person who ever have told you that your ass is fat. So that's a one up on the ol' honesty factor if you ask me." Naruto stated matter o'factly.

Ino aimed directly at the blondes position and pulled back the bolt of her rifle.

"Um… Ino?"

She clicked off the safety and pulled slowly on the trigger.

"Inopleaseyourjustinsanelyfuckinghot." More words spilled out in an endless stream before-

 **BANG.**

The slap of lead on skin could be heard, followed by a thud.

The groan of pain that came from Naruto's lips was due to the now dead 250 plus pound man that fell indiscriminately atop of him.

"Fuck this guy is heavy." He grit out as he rolled from underneath him.

"Did that guy really think he was going to sneak up on me? He's bigger than a mountain. You've gotten soft in your retirement." Ino noted as she shook her head at Naruto's struggle to escape from beneath the man. Ino brought the gun back to neutral, breaking it down and stuffing it in its suitcase.

"I… hadn't noticed." Naruto gave one last heave of effort, finally squirming from under the dead weight.

"It looks like some of the convicts decided to stick around. So whatever you're gonna do, you better make it quick." She heaved the briefcase as best she could, thankfully once her toss hit the hardwood, it slid gracefully past Naruto.

"Perfect." Naruto dusted himself off as he stood, taking the briefcase in hand, and two large chunks of glass in the other. With relative ease he cut a small tear into the deceased mans shirt and pulled off a reasonable sized piece to wrap the glass in. Once the job was done he tossed it back to Ino.

"Now I need you to do what you do best."

"What? Be 'insanely fucking hot'?" The blonde teased, a genuine laugh escaping her lips.

"Be a complete distraction, yes."

"Only if you _beg_ me again." Her tone was playful and he could clearly see she's forgotten where she was for a moment.

Naruto couldn't tell if Ino was riding the wave of some strange kind of killers high, or if this was just her method of coping with stress. Either way he thought it was great she could muster a laugh.

And a sexy tone at that.

 _'Maybe I DO have a type. Insanity seems to be a theme...We're definitely having a talk about her choice of words later though. '_

"Ok 'pretty please' take those two pieces of glass and make a reflection off of the roof. But be careful, it won't be long until he starts taking pop shots at where he thinks you are. Once you're in position, I'll go a few floors below and start taking shots in his general direction."

 _'Because there's no way in hell I'm making a 900 meter shot.'_

"Once he's convinced the glass was a distraction, and is instead shooting at nothing, he'll-"

"Focus fire on the floors beneath us instead so you can come back and give me the rifle so I can take the shot… Not a _terrible_ plan."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

The first half went relatively smooth. With two chunks of glass instead of one, Ino was able to manipulate the suns ray at the metal dome with ease. Receiving the light with the first chunk and reflecting it off of the second that she positioned away from her.

Pop shots immediately went off, flying at the position of middle piece of the glass puzzle that Ino had set up. Naruto took position and with no surprise he found their guest on the 15th floor of the paper company building.

 _'That's over a click away. She's right, there's no way I'm making that shot.'_

"Oh well." Naruto breathed deep and took his first shot in between the dead space of his next breath. Quickly loading the next round, the second shot managed to blast the glass of the room open. It took a moment for their attacker to realize what was happening, but eventually he found the open window Naruto was shooting from.

When the attacker turned, Naruto fled before he could zero in on him. Barreling up the stairs to Ino, tossing her back the rifle, minus the suitcase.

"You got 20 seconds tops before he figures out he's been played. Make it happen!"

She was already sighting her shot. She scooted closer to where the light was reflecting off the metal roof. From her scope, she registered another shot being placed below them as well as its shooter. When her crosshairs fell on her target however, she noticed something was off.

 **BANG.**

The brick wall to Ino's left began to crumble, leaving mounds of it to fall to the street.

 _'My husband doesn't miss an open target.'_

 **BANG**

Her return fire saw the sniper drop his rifle from the 15th story as his body went limp.

"YES! Great shot, now let's get the hell out of he-"

The floor beneath them began to shake violently.

"The fuck is that? An earthquake?"

 **xXx**

 ** _Somewhere across the river of the Uchiha compound_**

"You really expect some Root Sheep to take down the Fox? I don't know man, seems pretty naïve to me."

"Shut it blondy, you just want to blow the fucking building." Kisame grumbled

"Either way he's going to die, so I don't see why it matters to either of you two. " Itachi said, largely uninterestedly.

"Well last I checked, I said the one to kill him would be ME. Not some amateur rando."

"Then just do it already?"

Itachi's words caught Deidera off guard. He looked between the detonator in his hand and Itachi with mouth wide open.

"YOU TOLD ME NOT TOO!"

"What I told you was not to kill my brother, and last I checked-"

"Nuh uh. Nope. Say less. Blowing up now."

Deidera pulled the trigger and watched the foundation begin to crumble in a flood of beautiful orange fire and brick debris.

"Ahh, big finish." Deidera laid slump in his car seat as they watched the building begin to tumble from across the street.

"… weren't both sides supposed to blow?" Kisame questioned, and Deidera's tranquility turned to agitation.

He watched in white hot rage as indeed, one side of the building began to topple, only one charge going off.

"OH GOD-"

xXx

"DAMNIT. Can I get a break today?!" Naruto shouted.

Ino busied herself packing up the rifle as Naruto ran around the top of the roof looking for a reasonable exit. It'd be only seconds, maybe a minute before this thing broke down completely.

"Is this whole fucking building made of glass?!" Naruto noted, as he leaned over the edge of the building. Apparently the only hard metal was on the roof that was made entirely of metal and brick, while the rest of the building was completely see through glass that was pretty flimsy if rounds could penetrate it with one well placed shot.

 _'Wait. Glass?'_ Naruto looked over the edge and beamed with excitement. He snatched Ino up in his arms (and dodged multiple swings for it).

"Ever heard of building surfing?"

Her response was a hard right to the jaw as he jumped over the edge of the building with the lean of the fall.

 **xXx**

 ** _Somewhere else in town_**

The populace was quiet confused. A small cell of escaped convicts had been all over town, breaking into convenient stores, banks, and gun stores alike.

A specific duo of a loud red head and a grey haired man had been seen taking post in a parking garage. Shouting threats from the top floor to the patrons and police below.

...Until the entire floor blew up.

 **xXx**

 ** _Back at the compound parking lot_**

Gaara waited patiently in the drivers seat. Having silenced all communications after Sai has compromised the line.

He'd been watching Tenten sleep peacefully for about 5 minutes now and it was taking every ounce of self restraint in him not to question her to death about her mysterious past. Multiple men had just met their fate at her hands and yet she still looked so innocent. One of her chocolate brown buns had come undone and it's flow cupped her face like a frame. Dried blood bit at the ends, but she still didn't look like she'd just fought to the death.

At most, maybe just had a long day.

He cupped her hand in is and she could feel her squeeze his hand at the contact.

"You were awake this whole time, weren't you?" He said, more of a statement than a question really.

"Maybe." She smiled, her eyes still closed.

 _'I guess my questions can wait.'_

 **BOOM**

"AGH!" Tenten jumped up the passenger seat, banging her head abruptly on the car ceiling.

 _'Well there goes that.' Gaara sighed._

"What fresh hell is this?" Gaara put the car in park, pulled out his shadow black revolver from the glove compartment and exited the car.

The leaning building crumbling before him was truly a spectacle, but the real attraction was the double blonde figure in the distance.

Naruto was sliding down the length of the glass building on his ass, a squirming Ino in his hands.

"You see that too right?" Tenten stood, arms crossed, next to Gaara with an open mouth expression on her face.

"Mhm."

Dust and debris littered the entirety of the parking lot and the boisterous sound of the building collapsing was sure to bring unwanted attention.

"He's fucking lost it… Gaara what the Hell are you doing?"

"Hush. And I'm not answering any questions until you answer mine." He have a stern look out the corner of his eye and Tenten reluctantly silenced herself.

Gaara aimed his gun carefully at the building, from the middle of the parking lot he had at least 80m to cover.

 _'Easy day.'_

Three rounds fired back to back and struck true to the bottom floor lobby window. The duo fell in before the building was completely toppled to its side.

 **xXx**


	13. Gamma Squad

**A/N: Oh shit I almost forgot I write things... my bad. Hope an update makes up for it. And before I forget, I seem to get fairly positive reactions to the flashbacks, they're typically lighthearted and I personally think they explain further how Naruto and Gaara are who they are at this point in their lives.**

 **Anyway. Enjoy(:**

 **xXx**

"I mean, I don't mind but-"

"But what?"

"… I can't feel my legs."

"UGH"

 **SMACK**

A hard right hand landed across Naruto's cheek as Ino climbed off top of him to reach for a window of broken glass.

"That one!... That one one hurt." Naruto reached the shallow opening just after her, busting out the remaining glass with a covered elbow.

"I mean, don't I at least get points for originality?" He offered her a hand once he pulled himself up and she reluctantly took it after some thought. "Most guys take a girl to the movies or some other normy thing on a first date. But I definitely helped you kill your jerk husband and then surf down a building." His smile was typically infectious if nothing, but all Ino did was raise a brow.

"You also wore a dress and got kinapped."

"You think I _wanted_ to wear those fucking pointy shoes??" Was Naruto's retort.

"Oh, you mean the ones you destroyed... for the record you looked like a _monstress_."

"Haha ... Yeah sorry about that ." Naruto nervously scratched at the base of his neck with both hands. Taking to traversing down the wreckage to avoid _that_ particular topic of dress wearing.

"But I gotta say. The police thing is kinda doing it for me..." Ino's gaze followed closely along that of his tight fitted police slacks. Telling herself it was because she'd abandoned her fragile shoes and stepping precisely in his steps would keep her from falling.

 _'Yeah... falling.'_

"What was that?"

 _'That speaking before thinking thing he does must be contagious.'_

"I said that you're sadly mistaken if you think we killed Sai back there." It'd been a change of topic sure but Naruto deserved to know. Ino was almost a one-hundred percent sure that the man she shot down wasn't her husband, he simply wasn't skilled enough. From the missed shots, to the toying with her position, it couldn't be him.

She was sure of it.

"I did something thinking and uh... I guess it wouldn't be to much for us to help you with your little Sai problem. I mean if Granny trusted you, then why not?"

"And then what? You get revenge for Tsunade, we kill the only man that's ever loved me besides my father and that leaves us where? I don't think you want to do this. This is my problem."

Naruto offered her a hand once he reached the street, a slight frown on his face.

"So, no second date?"

He's persistent, she'd give him that. And she never really saw him frown, so this expression was different for her, she wasn't a fan. So Ino managed to smile in apology as she gave him her hand.

"Yeah, no date- **AH!** " She nearly jumped out of her skin when instead of giving her a hand, Naruto placed his fairly large hands around her slim waist. Bringing down a surprisingly ticklish Ino who squirmed in his grip.

 _'Wasn't expecting **that.** '_ Naruto's face brightened at the reaction.

"Aha. HA. STOP IT BEFORE I PEE MYSELF!" Ino was in tears of laughter.

"Before you what?!" Naruto had officially had too much fun at this point, as intense as she was was, he hadn't expected a giggle to be something she was even capable of.

 _'Wow, I didn't even know she could even laugh this much... Was that a snort??'_

"Ahem." A gruff voice sounded behind them and they turned to see a giggling Tenten and Gaara tapping his foot rather impatiently.

 _'... Gaaras going to kill me.'_

"If you're quite done, I believe we have more important places to be." Gaara was right, the blaring sirens in the distance seemed scattered across the area, but it was only a matter of time until the cops stopped chasing escaped convicts to check out the building that just happened to implode next to a rioted prison.

"Anywhere specific?..." Naruto asked, executing his thinking position, rubbing both hands against the base of his neck. A _very_ embarrassed Ino scooting far away from him.

Gaara didn't answer and only eyes him, waiting.

 _'He's so... tame? lately.'_ Naruto thought as he looked at his long time friend. Gaara has always been quiet, sure, but this was different. He was beginning to suspect the _quiet_ for doubt.

 _'Does he think I can't do this?'_

Naruto was genuinely stumped as to where to head next. The mission had gone tits up, there was no lead on where Sasuke and Kakashi might be, their own coffee shops around town where likely rigged with explosives and to top it off communication had been compromised.

"Huh... good point. Well if you were Sasuke, where would you go during a prison riot?" Gaara asked.

"Oh come on. You can't honestly expect _him_ to be able to analyze the foresight of _anybody_?" Ino stated, accompanied by the exaggerated rubbing of her temples. "I mean isn't it time to explore other options? There's no way we're finding that guy-"

"His mothers house!"

"...Excuse me?" Ino was a bit aloof at Naruto's sudden outburst. Tenten and Gaara too gave him a look that begged explanation.

"If I were Sasukes punk ass I'd run home to my mother like I always do! That butch is known to bail when the situation gets tough. And I mean, the Uchiha grounds aren't too far from here, and I'm sure it's secluded enough from the city to retreat there, especially considering he's harboring a suspected federal criminal."

"That actually makes a lot of sense. He'd want to keep Kakashi safe for the meantime, so I can't imagine him seeking out the Anbu for help like one might normally do. So home makes sense." Tenten explained. "Good job Naruto!"

"Yeah... I guess it's not a terrible idea to check it out." Ino said, much to Naruto's silent boasting as have a fist pump in there air.

"Well wouldn't that be literally the first place they go though?" Gaara chimed in. Naruto was ready for his response though.

"Well normally you'd be right. But the Uchiha Compound has **nothing** on the mansion. There's no way those losers are getting in even if they wanted to."

"And we can?" Gaara asked.

"Of course we-... C'mon man what's up with you? You know I wouldn't suggest it if we couldn't pull it off."

The silence between the two was a pregnant one that only ended when Gaara gave a hesitant node in approval.

"It's settled then! Let's get a move on!"

Naruto gave him a concerned look over his shoulder before taking off.

 _'I'm so used to him leading. What could be up with him?'_

Now that he thought about it, this whole operation had been under his own lead, with Gaara by the wayside, simply following allong. It had _**never** _been that way between them in the past.

Gaara gave Naruto a nod before heading towards the car. The blonde bolted past him and he noticed a strange absence of something.

His keys.

"And I'm driving!"

Gaara stood still as Tenten and Ino also rushed along to the car.

"Come on Gaara!" Tenten tugged at his long sleeve but didn't get so much as a budge out of him. "We kinda need to go... are you ok?"

"I'm just kinda processing the possibility of us surviving today... it's getting slimmer by the minute." Gaara held a hand to his chin in thought as he watched Naruto try _and_ fail to start the stick shift car.

"Can you do this later maybe? I mean it can't be that bad." Tenten steadily tried to push Gaara into the car, but got maybe a foot closer after entirely too much effort. "Gaara... MOVE IT."

Gaara paid her no mind as he proceeded to count out the factors of his rather unfortunate circumstances on his hands.

"Let's see. We got the Anbu, the Akatsuki, God knows how many escaped criminals, a distinct lack of coffee shops, which means a lack of coffee(he shuddered at the notion) the KPD, Ino's crazy husband, the Hyuga, there's no way to reach Shikamaru, this fucking idiot wants to drive! And oh!" He stopped with only one finger left as her turned to face Tenten. "My _girlfriend_ turns out to be a knife bearing ninja physco capable of killing multiple grown men in the blink of a fucking eye!"

Gaara's breathing was sporadic, he could feel his breath laboring as his chest heaved from working himself up and he could hear his own heartbeat in the excessive silence as Tenten could only stare up at him. Gaara stared right back. But he was quick to realize his frustration may have been misplaced and made quick to apologize. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he'd hoped that the look on Tentens face didn't mean she hated him.

"Tenten... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that-"

"So I'm your girlfriend now huh?" Turns out the look was her trying to hold in a laugh.

"..." Gaara blinked

Hard.

 _'Ah Hell.'_

"Did you plan on telling me anytime soon?" She continued to tease.

Tenten was able to coral a speechless Gaara much more easily after that as she crammed the red faced redhead into the car.

 ** _xXx_**

 _Some years ago_

 _**W.E.T** Training exercise_

"I think I've reached a new level of caffeination." Gaara hands trembled as he brought his fifth cup that hour up to his lips.

"... Maybe slow down bud?" Naruto warned, or tried, anyway.

Gaara was to busy making sure his plan was set perfectly. Seeing as he himself wasn't personally involved, he pulled a small hip-pocket radio to his mouth set his plan in motion.

"Gamma Squad, this is Hound. Roll call."

"Or you know ignore me. That's cool too." Naruto whispered from beside the man

"Avenger, standing by." The familiar voice of Sasuke sounded back first.

"Papa Wolf is in place." Came the gruff response of Kiba.

"Ice Queen in position." Was the finally response from Haku that came nearly a minute later.

"All right team, we got one shot at this... Don't fuck it up, I'm ready to head home."

Naruto had grown accustom to seeing Gaara in this state. W.E.T. training had been especially hard on him ever since Anko started paying "special" attention to him. He'd visited the sandbox at least. thrice a week and gained the title "Demon of the Desert" from his instructors.

The result was a very worn out, very heavily caffeine addicted Gaara.

Sad, yes. But they could both slowly begin to see the budding benefit. Gaara's stamina had spiked exponentially, and his nerves seemed to have calmed from the very temper driven youth he once was. Molding before them now was a hardening warrior eliminator that took charge in both the classroom setting, and in practical test such as the one he and Naruto found themselves in today.

Gaara caught Naruto blankly staring at him again. No doubt concerned about his new addiction and "lack of sleep" like he always seemed to have lately.

"Just worry about the mis-"

"Yeah, yeah, the mission. I got it Gaara." Naruto said, turning his attention back to the task at hand. Starting by fitting his "glasses" to his face. A custom piece the'yre classroom was able to test-run, they doubled a scoped camera. And by tapping the side of the frame, he was able to zoom in a considerable distance.

"This is the Fox... Target spotted." Naruto muttered over group radio. The duo had been charged with taking first site of their target in the crowded shopping district of central Konoha. "80 meters north. No additional hostiles in sight." The target in question being none other than Kakashi Hatake, whom was busy taking a pleasant stroll through the shopping district with same _questionable_ reading material in hand. Icha Icha paradise, an authors special edition signed by Jairiya himself to be exact.

The mission? Retrieve that book by any means necessary. Without any casualties of course. Which might be an issue if Kakashi catches on to them In the slightest.

Naruto scrunched an eyebrow at his own name. He'd always been such an outgoing and boisterous individual. But the role he'd began to train for left him feeling out of place. Being trained in silence, covert operations, and stealth had taken somewhat of a tole on the way he saw things. Needles to say, he had to adapt. And adapt well he did, so much so that his teachers took to calling him Fox.

"Copy that. Deploying decoy. Ice Queen, out." One que, Haku rounded the corner and ran head first into Kakashi. One would suspect his chest, even in the faked collision. But instead a hand held her at arms length.

The man could truly never truly be caught of guard, and Gaara planned to use that to his advantage.

Wearing all white, the dramatic fall she took was capitalized on when dirt a slight mud splatter coated her from head to toe.

"Oof." Haku did her best at selling the overdrawn nursing of her forehead. "Teacher why'd you hit me like that?!"

Kakashi looked down at the girl who he'd just floored on instinct. "Well you should know better than to try and sneak up on teacher."

He held his hand out to the girl, effectively falling for Gaaras trap. As soon as Kakashi's hand came near, she reached past him.

Straight for his face mask.

Kakashi's face had been the topic of many a rumor. Legend says that he was hiding a pallet full of messy scares under there, myths stated he was actually missing a mouth and that the lips were sewn on. And perhaps the most popular, a tale of a gorgeous face, hidden from the world. These rumors had been so frequently uttered by passing classes of students that Kakashi was well advised of their suspicion after 5 plus years of teaching. So when Haku's hands neared his nose:

 **SMACK**

Kakashi's free hand made restraint of hers and his other quickly released his book in order to strike her atop the head.

" **OW!** " Haku screamed, gaining a fair bit of attention from the rushing crowd around them. A few even stopping to see what exactly was going on.

"Well that will teach you brats to try and take my mask." Kakashi said matter o' factly. He stood to dust himself off and noticed something out of place.

"Wait a minute..."

"Gamma Squad, commence phase 2." Gaara muttered into his radio. Not even bothering to look at the missions ongoings in favor of reading through one of the various strategy text books he'd been assigned.

"Was the skimpy white dress really necessary?" Naruto asked off line.

Gaara simply shrugged and continued reading. "Maybe, maybe not."

Back at the scene, Haku began to cry hysterically.

"Don't touch me, please!"

"Hey old man! Stay off of her!" A stray voice said from the somewhere in the crowd.

Kakashi turned just in time to see a crop of black hair retreating around the corner. Followed by the hovering crowd that gave him their full attention.

"I know that duck assed shape hair anywhere..." He mumbled to himself. "Hold on now everybody, these brats are just pranking me-"

"I-I'm retreating! I've been made. A-Avenger out." Sasuke stuttered quite frantically into the group radio.

"Roger Avenger, move out." Gaara replied.

Naruto commended Gaara's lack of frustration with the plans hiccups, but he was still pissed with the Uchiha's willingness to give up so easily.

"Avenger, this is Fox."

Gaara raised a hairless brow at the blonde from across their table, but didn't make to stop him.

"Send it for Avenger."

"... Punk Bitch."

"Fuck you, Uzuma-"

"CODE. NAMES." Gaara reeled in his fuming rage as he not so discreetly roared into the receiver of his radio. He considered his surroundings. The quaint little loft on the second story of his favorite coffee shop in town. If he caused to much commotion it could prove to be an issue for their vantage point.

"Papa Wolf, stir up the crowd in Avengers absence.

"You got it boss."

"Hey, what's going on over there!?" Shouted a " _concerned citizen". Kiba, whom took to_

Weaving inbetween the growing crowd and shouting absurdities about the man that were eventually matched by other equally concerned citizens.

"Is he a pervert?" Gasped a startled old woman.

"Look at that poor girl, that brute!" Yelled another.

"Wolf, skip to phase 3." Naruto commanded, still surveying the area through his special glasses.

"Get him!" Shouted Kiba, whom was crouched stealthily in-between the shuffling bodies.

 _'I know that voice... that makes 3 of my students.'_ Kakashi clung his mask close with one hand, if he were to be ambushed, now would be the time.

The crowd began to surrounded Kakashi as planned.

"Rush em Akamaru." Kiba looked down at his four legged companion, a little Inuzaka family hound named Akamaru who yipped in understanding.

As Kakashi began to back slowly into a corner, the pup swooped in to snag the precious book he left behind.

"Hey you get back here!" Kakashi **quickly** realized his mask wasn't the mark when he noticed Haku smile before getting up and retreating. But by the time he'd gone to confront her, he had a small mob to deal with.

"This is Papa Wolf, package secure."

"Roger that. Release the package at drop off location. Everyone else, pop smoke."

Kakashi was met with relief however when he finally busted through the crowd to find his book safely on the ground.

 _'Now what the hell was that about? My mask wasn't the mark, and the little brats even left my book.'_ He calculated the possibilities, taking his booking and racing off before anymore "concerned" citizens could block his path.

The lines went dead and within minutes Gaara and Naruto had a happy puppy appear at their table.

"Thanks bud." Naruto gave the little dog a pat on the head wich was replied to with a yip of satisfaction.

"Umm sir, there's no dogs allowed h-"

"He was just leaving." Anko interrupted, having shown up at the agreed time to check on the squads progress. "Isn't that right, boys?"

"Yes ma'm" Gaara nodded at the waiter. He gave a "shooing" motion to the dog and it reluctantly scampered back out the open door. The waiter seemed a bit nonplussed but left the trio alone anyway, seeing as the dog had left.

"Impressive, welps. No ones gotten anything off an instructor in years. How'd ya do it?"

"Know your enemy, teacher." Gaara said, nodding over at Naruto.

"The old man writes the books, it was as simple as switching them out with an unsigned one I got from his bookshelf." Naruto said hesitantly. He was afraid that Anko might be a bit peeved that they abused a resource like that.

"Well isn't that the same as never having taken it?" Anko questioned, a bit peeved that the silver haired teacher wasn't really at a loss."

"Well normally you'd be right teacher, but this one." Naruto handed her the book. "Is a certified signed copy, first edition. All the typos, authors notes, everything, worth thousands. _That."_ He pointed down the street Kakashi had bolted down. "Is a cheap reprint copy Jiraiya uses as "gifts". They're worth about 10 bucks."

"Kakashi made the mistake of assumption. We caused a simple misdirection, feeding him we enough information to believe we were after his mask. Putting him on guard for the completely wrong thing, and boom, game over. The poor guy likely won't know that's not his book for some time." Gaara finished.

"Hmm." Anko considered the plan carefully. "Simple, yet resourceful. It pains me to say this... but well done."

Naruto and Gaara couldn't believe their ears but once the shock of those words finally settled, there was a high five of immense satisfaction.

"FUCK YEAH!" Naruto shouted.

"This will prove to be significant payback for all the time he targeted his naive students at me." Anko said with a menacing laugh. "Silly old goat had it coming."

"What exactly did he have students take from you teacher?" Naruto asked.

"..." Anko only crossed her arms and remained silent. A seething frown brewing on her face

"Teacher-"

"That _pervert_ always sends them after my panties. Four god damn groups!!"

"... well how many succeeded?" Naruto couldn't hold in the curiosity. After all, this was a subject he was _very_ interested in.

"Just the first one." Anko said, this time with a smile.

A toothy, genuine smile that the boys found just a taaad bit unsettling.

"And the rest?" Gaara asked.

"Well." Anko picked up the book and turned to take her leave. "There's a reason this training program has a 12% mortality rate."

"Oh." Naruto gulped. "Rest in peace brave warriors." He whispered as she walked away. He turned to Gaara and for a moment the redhead thought he'd abandoned his silly infatuation.

"So uh..."

 _'Oh no.'_

"Think we can maybe" Naruto modded towards the door.

"No, idiot. Absolutely not."

"But don't you want to test your skills?! Come on Gaara! Pleeeease-"

"NO."

"... I'm surprised she wears any honestly."

 ** _xXx_**

Naruto lost himself in his own mind as he thought about that day. A lot of growth, both positive and negative, had betaken the pair since them. A successful career, many completed missions. And one, daunting, failure that caused them to retire.

A single mistake had seen Naruto to become the leader as Gaara struggled to bear the shame of failure. Gaara gave up all his success like they didn't matter after one failed mission and Naruto could understand that, the weight of their line of work was harrowing to say the least and the reward, to most, wasn't worth it. Naruto had always been the motivation behind the plan, but now he was the leader as well and he wondered what that made them.

Would he fail as Gaara had? Or simply fail to live up to the standard he'd placed.

Pressure is pressure and he'd never really been one to be concerned with it unless it involved more than himself. And this? This involved so much more. Him, Gaara, Tenten, Ino...

The shaky gear change of the stick shift reminded him that he was slowing down and he quickly came back to reality. The gravel crunch of the mile long Uchiha residence driveway was beneath them and it was time for action.

"So what's the plan?" Gaara asked from the passenger seat.

Naruto could see the anxiety of the whole thing rising in the form of reddened ears and chewed finger nails as his friend looked bleakly onto the long, winding road.

Naruto looked into his rear view mirror at the two girls they'd brought along.

"I'm taking a page from a master strategist. I'm thinking we use a little _misdirection._ "

 **xXx.**

 **A/N: Tell me what you think damnit. And thank you all so much for the reviews, it keeps the thoughts moving!**


	14. Reunions

**A/N: I have zero excuse for my lateness.**

 **Yes. Haku is a girl.**

 **No, I don't have timelines for my other fics.**

 **Yes, I'm still writing all of them.**

 **Oh and drug trigger warning for this?( I guess it's my job to warn people now) xD**

 **... I'm not sorry, you're sorry. Anyway, here we go!**

 **xXx**

"Damn, looks like we just missed em sir." A gaggle of Root agents shifted carefully through the compound. The building itself looked like it went through Hell. Dozens of bodies both dead and groaning in pain littered the compound grounds. The lingering odor of miasma still wafted about the air of the enclosed space.

"What are your orders, Sir?" An owl masked Root operative asked as he directed his attention to a rather older Anbu Root Commander, identified by the cross Leaf on his uniform collar.

"That irritable blonde would have done something stupid to leave his trail. Case the area and don't come back until we got a direction."

The heavy sound of sirens could be heard approaching the compound and the man turned to walk towards the entrance as the predictable mob of KPD policemen charged in.

"Why the hell is Root here? This is _police_ business. Escort your men out of here, this crime scene is closed."

"This "riot" was a terrorist attack against the state. Which makes it our business Chief?-"

"Iruka."

 _'First an entire parking lot blows sky high in conjunction with a prison riot. And now some root losers are casing my scene?... Why do I feel like Naruto's behinds this mess?'_

"I'm going to need some documentation Sir. The Hokage is dead, so I'm curious as to who gave a Root Commander the right to even show up here."

"Funny you should say that. _Chief_ Iruka." The man removed his own Elk mask to reveal a left eye covered completely by bandages and a head full of short black and graying hair.

"I happen to be the authority on both those matters."

"Danzo... Men" Iruka looked over his policemen. "Pack it up, it seems we're not invited to this party.

"Yes Chief. The collective responded as they began to back out of the compound.

 _'I've **really** gotta get in touch with Naruto.'_

"Not so fast, Chief." Danzo placed a hand on his shoulder before he could take a step. "The great state of Konoha may just have need of you yet... Just you that is."

Danzo used is free hand to make a gun like figure. Aiming his imaginary pistol at the exiting police, he pulled his trigger and from behind them a hailstorm of bullets took out the police crew.

xXx

 _Many years ago before shit got complicated_

"Just try it."

"That's ok, I'm good."

"Cooome onnnn, stop being a dork."

"Kiba, I said no."

"This shit will chill you out." Kiba looked Gaara from head to toe, an exaggerated look in his eye as he commented on how rigid Gaara had became since they'd started "real missions" as a team.

"Fuck off already. Kiba I said no." Gaara said with a gruff as he attempted to focus back in on the tactics book he'd been reading through.

"Psh. Fine." Kiba walked away grumbling (I'm just trying to help, you stubborn tuniki) over to the living room couch to plop down in between Haku and Sasuke.

Following another successful mission, Gamma squad has taken residence in the "club house." A very typical town home space paid for by their employer, fully furnished, and the fridge was always stocked. A nice place to lay low between missions, and most of the team took to living there 24/7 as to save their own hard earned money. Save, Sasuke who lived at his family's manner. Only coming over to smoke or play Xbox with Kiba.

 _'Baka.'_ Kiba was the only other guy who got on Gaaras nerves at even _close_ to the extent Naruto did.

"Mother insist you guys come by again. She's been going on and on about you losers." Sasuke said as ge ignored the tenth reminder message from his mother on his phone.

Sasuke's mother had famously taken to the squad, treating each of them as her own child, having been so ecstatic of the idea of her youngest son to follow in his fathers footsteps. Joining the W.E.T and becoming his own man. And with Sasukes father so recently passed, she's been pouring much more attention into the young adults. None of them complained. It was a mother figure that most of them admittedly needed. The world was a harsh and cruel world. But it had some light to it, and Momma Uchiha did good to remind them of that when she could.

"It's honestly been pretty fucking annoying." Sasuke said taking the blunt Gaara rejected from Kiba, while shifting through a pile of disorganized game disc Kiba left beneath the tv. The former action of which Kiba had been trying to convince Gaara to do for what felt like hours, but was in reality a really annoying back and forth spanning about 5 minutes.

"I don't even get the appeal..." Gaara muttered to no one in particular. Watching from the kitchen just 10ft away as Kiba sparked up a tightly packed blunt, taking a few cough inducing hits before passing it to Sasuke, who puffed twice and passed it to Haku.

"It relaxes you, dummy." Haku chimed in. Taking a deep drag before coughing.

 _'Well, guess I'm not as quiet as I thought.'_

"I don't need to be any more "relaxed" Have you met me? If I was anymore relaxed I would die."

"YOOO, SHARE!" Naruto came bustling out of the bathroom when he smelled the smoke in the air. Gaara deduced a while ago that the blonde would try anything Kiba put in front of him.

"... On second thought. You got another one of those?"

"Fucking finally! Here." Kiba fished out another from his pocket, passing it to Haku who snuck over to Gaara and pulled him into the dinning room.

Sasuke was busy holding Naruto at arms length. More for the sake of fighting than not wanting to share. Kiba jumped into the fray and eventually it was a wrestling match in the middle of the floor full of 'Fuck you!'s and 'Fight me bitch!'

Ah, family time.

Gaara realized something that always made him uneasy as the girl approached. Haku was a pretty tall girl, or perhaps Gaara was just short. Both?

But whatever the truth, when Haku approached him, her face was just beneath being level with his. And Gaara realized how much he'd been avoiding her lately. The truth of that matter was that Haku made him nervous.

Really nervous.

Everything about her was perfect. Her long black hair, her big beautiful brown eyes, _and_ the girl knew her way around a senbon.

The weapon that is.

 _'...That's what I'm into now? Strange.'_ Sure She was easy enough to work with, but anything beyond a working relationship was something he'd only really accomplished with Naruto, a life long friend. Other people confused and aggravated him on most levels. Let alone a beautiful girl? All of this combined with her close proximity was enough to give him a nauseous level of anxiety.

But then something powerful hit him, the smell of her.

She was close enough to where the smell of blueberry hair wash was louder that the smell of marijuana in her hands. He felt the heat begin to rise in the room and he had to take a step back. That's when he realized the stove directly behind him.

 _'Trapped like a rat.'_

"Trying to runaway from me?" She asked between fits of coughs.

"Doesn't it hurt?..." He asked to divert the topic, but he was genuinely nervous about this new experience as well.

"Only a little. But that just means it's working. Have you ever smoked anything before??" She asked, to which he shook his head no.

Her face lit up like she had an epiphany.

"Then maybe you should start with second hand smoke." She said before taking another drag, this time much longer than before.

"How do you mean?"

"Do you know what a shotgun is?" She said with full lungs.

"Yeah, we've trained on how to use so many different... Oh." His feeling of naiveté set in when she pulled his face close hers. She opened her mouth in a wide 'O' and prompted him to do the same as she poked at his cheeks.

He obeyed.

The result was her mouth a mere breath from his, breathing out her lungs into his.

"Now Inhale, slowly." She said as the smoke already swayed into the chasm of his open mouth.

The smoke was thick, but it wasn't harsh. He assumed from the pre-filtering on her behalf. So he breathed it in no problem, immediately feeling the unnatural 'haze' that fogged his brain due to the lack of oxygen. But nothing to make him understand the hype.

"I don't think I'm doing it right."

"Hmm, I think I need to be a liiiitle closer." She insisted.

She took another drag and pulled his face in once more. The smoke filled his lungs again and he began to think it maybe wasn't working.

"I don't think this works, I don't feel _high._ "

"You prefer I let you do it yourself then?" She offered the blunt to him with a puzzled look on her face.

"N-no, I didn't say that."

"Then hush. You'll feel something eventually, promise. It takes time ya know" Gaara wasn't to sure if Haku knew what she was doing.

To him that is.

 _'Yeah, I definitely feel something...'_ But it was just the warmth of her. She pulled him in once more, but this time he made sure that it'd work. He made sure to place both hands on her hips as she inhaled. And when she moved to breath out, he pressed their already close lips together and took the very breath from her.

She pinched him on the shoulder a bit when his mouth began to do more than _inhale_

"Gaara!" She smacked him on the shoulder but made no move to make any distance between them. "A little warning next time..."

"Well you started it." He said with a chuckle.

That turned into more of a laugh that she joined into while making to rest her head on his chest. And eventually they were both laughing like fools, grasping at each other to keep from falling to the ground.

Until they did.

In the next room over the good spirited fighting had devolved into staring at the ceiling. Both groups had managed to find peace in each other's company, masking the gritty truth of what they'd experienced that day. Gamma squad had their 10th successful mission. The missions had been getting far more dangerous and daring as their success continued. Today, Gaara had been commended on his success as a leader. A leader that saw to the death of 12 foreign mercenaries through tight planning and wit. Rookie of the year they said. Naruto had _insisted on a celebration of sorts, but Gaara had never really enjoyed mission success. Ever since their first duo mission in which Naruto almost bled out on the floor._ These days, they all celebrated with a little company. Indulging in one another's presence, and whatever form of escapism Kiba brought with him that day.

Finding solace was a little easier with one another.

So right now instead of thinking of the dead, the anxiety, and the extreme level of expectation that had been put on him.

Gaara thought about how hungry he was.

And how little Haku weighed on top of him. Or how his hand, didn't really look like his hand, but more like a puppet appendage attached to him. All of this combined with how relaxed, yet, giggly he was.

"I don't giggle?" He said as he raised his hand toward the ceiling. Examining its foreign design. Laughing all the while, he took in the shape and detail of each finger.

"Sure you do."

She positioned herself to straddle him.

"Woah-"

"Shh." This time when their lips met each other there was no smoke. Just flames.

 _'Awesome.' Was his last thought before his mind drifted away with everything else._

xXx

 _Present Day_

Gaara looked to the badass brunette on his left.

 _'Guess Naruto's not the only one who has a type.'_ He thought as he looked to see Naruto and Ino distancing themselves from Gaara's vehicle.

"Act natural." He said.

"Last I checked it's called 'acting' for a reason." Tenten bit out behind a clenched smile.

"Woah now, this? **_This_** has you nervous, of all things." Gaara asked as he rang the doorbell.

It was Gaara and Tenten's job to distract those in the estate. The four of them had gotten through the gate (almost 3miles down a private driveway) with no issues. Thanks to making a call to their secret weapon. Gaara gave Naruto a quick nod before he saw the two blondes disappear into the trees line surrounding the large property.

 _'His ideas have worked so far... but did he really have to put himself on the stealth part of this mission?'_

"Well you said Momma Uchiha treated you two like family... thi... this is a lot right now ok?!"

Gaara snapped out of his thoughts and back to the quarrel at hand.

"You're unbelievable. She's not even my real mom-"

"Oh! My littlest boy has finally paid me a visit!!" A fair skinned, black haired woman who appeared to be in her late fifties opened the door with the smile and charisma befitting the happiest of mother's.

"Not you're real mom huh?..." Tenten heaved a heavy breath and put back on her best fake smile.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Uchiha, I'm-"

"Tenten!" She exclaimed before the girl could finish her introduction. "I've heard just so much about you from Gaara and Naruto." The older woman was busy embracing Gaara in a seemingly spine splitting hug.

"Oh? Is that so." Tenten couldn't help the smirk that graced her face as she watched Gaara's face fade to bluefrom a lack of oxygen and then flush red from in relentless wave of embarrassment."

 _'Awe, he's cute when he's purple.'_

"And look at you!" She released the man much to the relief of his lungs. "Even more beautiful in person, my Gar Bear must have great taste. Has he asked you out yet?"

"You know I'm standing right here right?" Gaara wheezed.

"I guess you can say he did... Gar Bear you say?" Tenten asked, raising a eyebrow at a recovering Gaara.

The scowl of the man in question seemed to mirror the direct mood of:

(I'll end you if you speak of this)

"Momma Uchiha I'm 27. You don't have to baby all of us so much-"

"Oh they just think they're so grown up because they're out their with their big boy careers." She said to Tenten who nodded in agreement. The two took quickly to conversation as the entered the home, leaving a stumped Gaara behind.

 _'This isn't going to end well for me. I can tell.'_ Gaara thought as the elder Uchiha corralled them into the living room. Lingering about were a multitude of different guards and branch family members. Some of which Gaara was certain he'd seen at the compound not too long ago.

"Oh there you are son! Look who came to visit." The small room adjacent to the living room found Sasuke cleaning an assortment of his guns. Stopping at the familiar sound of his mother (ecstatic) amongst company.

"Let me guess." Sasuke turned to see Gaara and expressed no level of surprise. "One of your many children?"

 _'So he was expecting us then.'_ Gaara thought.

"Don't tease me boy. And be nice to Gaara! I have to go start cooking if you're having company over."She bustled out of the room before she could hear any of the younger Uchiha's complaints.

There was a pregnant silence in the room once the woman left but Gaara figured it best if he kept up facade for at least a _little longer._

"Hate to ask but can we, ya know."

Sasuke looked cautiously around the room before nodding his head.

"Yeah, but out back. I don't want to hear mothers complaining."

Moments later the three found themselves comfortable in lawn chairs in the vast back yard of the manner.

"Here. Would you like to try?" Sasuke held a rather large blunt to Tenten.

Tenten smiled that innocent smile that said she'd never done anything crude in her life and Sasuke respectfully backed off. Gaara noticed with some level of relief how he wasn't the only one to fall for Tenten's innocent facade.

 _'If you only knew.'_

"You boys do you." Was all she said.

"Suit yourself." Much like in their youth, Sasuke and Gaara could bake in silence with no real need to push a conversation. A perfect way to relax after a not so relaxing existence.

He accepted the gift with open hands.

He took it with the familiarity of a worker ready for a break and he blew the breath of a worker long tried and tired.

"How've you been Sasuke?" Gaara said as he did the honors, taking another breath as he passed it to him.

"Tense." Sasuke said as he took it from him. "Typically a lot going on in the city means 'no good' for the for the owners a prison compound."

And he was right.

Hell had broken loose across the city and if he was being realistic that only met more work, more prisoners. But with the conpound being in pieces and no doubt swarming with cops, he supposed that was a moot point.

"Where's the idiot at?" Sasuke asked

"Naruto's exploring other options, tracking down this group that's been trailing us."

"Group?"

"Yeah... the Akatsuki? Ever heard of these jokers?"

"No, but whatever you two have gotten into I can tell you that you really shouldn't be snooping around anymore."

"Sad, I figured we'd dabble in the detective field for a while." Gaara said only partially joking.

"I mean it. Gaara. Whatever you've done in the past couple of days, it's worth skipping town." Sasuke said, surpringly uptight for a man who'd been coughing up marijuana smoke for the last ten minutes.

"Yeah? You seem nervous? What's got you so bent out of shape, Sasuke?"

"Man, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me." Was Gaara's retort. His typically stone poker face on display.

"..." Sasuke took a break from staring back at Gaara to nod over at Tenten.

She got the message.

"I can see you boys have a lot of catching up to do. I'll uh, just go see what Momma Uchiha is up to."

"What does she know?" Sasuke asked once Tenten was out of earshot.

"Nothing. She was caught in the crossfire at my coffee shop and I've been afraid to leave her alone ever since, I don't need a bunch of Root wannabes after her."

"Hm, didn't figure you the protective type."

"And I didn't figure you the deflective type. Talk."

"Hn. Fine. Did Naruto mention anything uh... strange after you rescued him?"

"He may have mentioned something I want both sides of."

"We knocked him out for his own good... But you're going to fuck this whole thing up if you keep digging. You know, any other time I'd tell you. You know I mean that Gaara. But I know what's going on here... you're here for Kakashi and I can't help you with that. Trust me when I tell you I'm giving you chance on chance to leave this shit be."

"You know a lot more then you let on, don't you?" Gaar said, more of a statement than a question.

"All I know is that Kakashi knows _who_ and _why. W_ ouldn't spill for the life of him. But I trust the old man. So should you. This whole assassination thing is just the surface of this shit storm."

xXx

Tenten looked from around the doorway she's gone through to see Naruto In the bush. A knife hand waving back and forth horizontally against his neck.

 _'Nothin.'_ Tenten surmised. She signaled back form him and Ino to retreat and got a nod in response

xXx

"Sasuke. Tsunade is **dead.** If you know were Kakashi is, you have to tell us. That woman made you who you are."

"And I'm grateful! But that doesn't change the fact that she's dead."

"And you think that strips us of our loyalty to her?" Gaara could feel himself start to simmer just talking to the man.

"This is bigger than us. I think the best thing for all of us is if you leave this to Kakashi. I can put in a word for you with Danzo and this can all just-"

"You got ties to that _scum?!"_

Sasuke could only answer with silence for what felt like the tenth time that day.

"Sasuke dear, you have more visitors." Momma Uchiha Interrupted. And the two were suddenly grateful the never actually got around to sparking another round.

It might break a mother's heart.

"Awfully popular today Sasuke. Got some company I happen to _know?_ " Gaara asked calmly as he reached for the revolver tucked at his hip.

 _'Shit, if he's really working with Danzo that could be Root at the door.'_

"I wasn't expecting any... Mom, who is it?" Sasuke made sure not to draw attention to Gaara's defensive state and startle his mother.

"Sasuke dear you should really tell me when all your friends are coming over. I'm so under prepared! You haven't all been in the house at the same time in years."

"Who's here mother?" Sasuke was concerned now. Apparently running home seemed too obvious a choice for safe haven. But with everything going on he thought the guards would have sense to better _screen_ their guest.

"Well Kiba And Haku of course. Do you mean to tell me it's a surprise visit? Ah, So sweet of them. I'll have dinner ready in an hour!"

Gaara and Sasuke shared a tense pause. There was a reason Gamma Squad wasn't to fond of "reunions".

"What are you playing at Uchiha?" Gaara bit out in a harsh whisper.

"Don't flip this on me. I didn't call those losers."

"Then who did?"

"... I knew this wouldn't end well." Gaara surmised before noticing Sasuke shift in his seat to get a better grasp at the gun on his own hip. But his suspicions weren't directed at him, rather, their new guest.

"Gaara?"Tenten entered back into the back yard. "Do you know these people-"

"Hello Gar Bear!" Haku rushed the Gaara before he could react. "Gripping him in a tight hug from atop his lap.

Gaara felt himself slip between the realm of pleasantly surprised and that of confusion. Both of which were trumped by the harrowing feeling of danger looming just behind him.

" _Gaara._ Who's this?" Haku asked as she stopped her affectionate assault on Gaara to look up at a fuming brunette.

 _'Is Tenten the source of this awful aura I'm feeling?'_ He could feel her eyes burning literal holes into the back of his head.

"This is-"

"I'm his girlfriend." Tenten interjected, _not_ so subtly.

"Ah. Finally settled then I see?" Haku only smiled down at him. Not bothering to remove her arms from around his neck or to even move from her new "seat" for that matter.

 _'God she's beautiful.'_ Tenten thought to herself. She was angry as it was, but her own thoughts only pissed her off more as she noted the lack of physical flaws on the woman. _'China doll black hair, paler than the moon, lashes for fucking days. And is this whore wearing a choker?!... Imma kill him.'_

"Gaara. _Dear._ can we talk for a minute?" Tenten said with a smile.

A twisted, man killing smile.

Gaara was already holding his breath but the gulp that went down his throat somehow seemed like his last when he heard the venom in her voice.

"Haku stop stirring the pot." The groups attention turned to the last member of Gamma Squad. Kiba entered the back yard, as well as the conversation. "We didn't come here to cause trouble. We came on business."

"Hmph...You're no fun anymore." Haku abandoned her place and moved to stand next to him. Gaara let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and Tenten's death glare noticeably lessened even if just a little bit.

"Mind telling me what the fuck you're all doing here?" Sasuke stood, but his guard remained as high as ever. "First sunshine and this complete stranger of a girlfriend stroll in, and now you two? Are my guards fucking idiots??"

"We've known you since before you stopped wetting the bed. It's really like walking into our own home at this point." Haku had a good natured laugh Sasuke's expense but the youngest Uchiha wasn't having it.

"I asked you both a question."

"Maybe you should start by telling us why you've got these two goofs at your house of all places?"

"Nice to see you too Inuzaka." Gaara acknowledged.

"Who the fuck are you calling a goof? Asshole" Was Tenten's much crueler response.

"Hn. Sweetie I don't have any idea who the hell _you_ are. I meant that damned fox. I know he's here, I can smell him." Kiba lifted his head to the sky and sniffed at the windless air. "And a strong scent of lavender too."

"What are you on about-"

"Save it Gaara. You know nobody can hide from an Inuzuka." Kiba distanced himself from the group to yell into the yard. "Come out you blonde idiot! Don't be shy now!"

"You're wasting you're time Kiba. No one else is here-"

"Ah!" Kiba held up a hand to silence the man. "It looks like he brought someone along with him as well?" Kiba sniffed again as he closed his eyes to better take in the environment. "A girl? Interesting... Haku if you don't mind."

Kiba turned back to look at the woman whom nodded in compliance.

"Where at?" She asked eagerly.

"Rigggghtttt abooooout." Kiba a pointed finger scanned the back yard carefully.

 _'Tell me this idiot left already.'_ Gaara's poker face was strong, but Naruto had a tendency to bring out the doubt in him.

Kiba's point finally settled on a bundle of waist high bushes near the far left edge of the yard.

"There!" As soon as the words left his mouth two senbon were sent flying at the bush.

"AaaAaaAaHhHH!" A "manly" scream echoed through the estate as Naruto fell, writhing in pain from the bush's concealment. Clutching at two noticeably limp legs with both hands. "You bitch I need these legs to kick your face in!!"

"Yeahhh, I don't want that problem." Ino came out with her hands up. "Don't shoot. I'm with the idiot!"

"So I should ready some more senbon." Haku muttered as she brought two more to aim.

"Haku play nice." Kiba gently pushed her hand back down. "Gaara." Kiba turned to look at his once long time friend.

"A bush? A real master of the shadows Naruto... alright so we cased the place. Happy?" Gaara said as the group turned to him. Naruto tried (hard) to clear as much ground to reach Haku with just his hands gripping at the ground. But proceeded at a snails pace in the seemingly infinite yard.

"Thought you'd find Kakashi?" Sasuke asked.

" _We,_ thought we'd find answers... Not more "friends" of Gaara." Tenten answered for the both of them.

"Oh I'm more than a _friend,_ Dear." Haku teased. She sent Gaara a wink and the flush of his face began to quickly match that of his hair.

"Ohh you must really want to lose that eye. Ok then." Tenten reached for her hunters knife as Haku again reached for her man.

"Easy tiger." Ino reeled Tenten back in before she leapt on unsuspecting prey.

"If we could all save the games for later, that'd be great. We came here for a reason. Gaara." Kiba clasped both hands on the shoulders of the shorter man.

"Me and Haku are here on behalf of a mutual friend of yours. Trust me me when I say you should _really_ consider lying low for a while."

"While Danzo takes over the entire country?!" Naruto yelled from mid field. "FAT CHANCE."

"He's right you know." Gaara said. "All these leads are building into something. We just need a little more. So if you know something. You need to either speak up." Gaara pulled the mans hands away from him and raised his own. "Or get the Hell out our way."

"Gaara we're not the enemy-"

"Then who is?" Gaara swung once at Kiba's head and met air, almost instantly following with a knee to the midsection that grazed rib as Kiba moved to doge.

"You ask a loooot of questions don't you? Why's can't you just let shit be-"

Gaara's onslaught continued when a right hook came for Kiba's mouth, this time clipping the jaw but being rewarded with a punch to Gaara own browline.

"Come on Mutt, you know I bruise easy." Gaara rubbed at the area to make sure his knuckle didn't cut too deep.

 _'Just a dribble.'_

"Are they always like this?" Ino whispered to Sasuke.

"Only on days that end in Y." He replied.

"Come on boys, put some effort into it!" Haku shouted.

Gaara faked another hard right, causing Kiba to step back before Gaara dropped his body weight low and charged him from the middle, bringing the bigger man to the ground. Using the momentum from the carsh to flip him, pulling Kiba's arm behind his head in a chicken wing motion.

"I swear to God I'll break it."

"Do it!" Haku shouted.

 _'What the fuck is wrong with her.'_ Tenten and Ino collectively thought.

"I hate that I miss days like these..." Sasuke muttered to himself.

"SOMEONE PICK ME UP SO I CAN DECK HAKU IN THE FUCKING FACE." Naruto shouted, still a good 50ft away.

"Kiba. Last chance." Gaara warned as he placed his weight down with his knee on the back of Kiba's neck, pulling his arm up taught like a wishbone.

"This isn't even fair! You're the one who specialized in hand-to-hand!"

"Kiba..." Gaara pulled harder and the first pop could be heard.

Kiba let out a grunt but didn't yield.

"Did you ever think that maybe you can't get a hold of Kakashi, because he doesn't want you too?"

"Perhaps...Explain."

Gaara made the mistake of loosening his grip and lifting his knee. Kiba capitalized by pulling the redhead off of his back by kipping both legs under himself and using his superior size to back drop them both back into the ground. Gaara too the brunt of the fall and struggled to find his air. Typically he'd brush the fall off easily but he noticed the undeniable added force of metal coming from Kiba's right leg. A metal that hurt like a son of a bitch when it was brought down ruthlessly on his diaphragm.

"Maybe." Kiba stood first. And instead of punishing Gaara's mistake, offered a hand. "You should trust your Mentor. But more importantly your team."

Gaara contemplated a moment, looking back up at the man.

"Come on, you need us. You two are getting sloppy in your retirement, it's a miracle you've even made it this far." He said as he nodded over to Naruto who was now within grabbing distance of Haku.

"Come here you little-" Naruto grasped at straws trying to capture one of Haku's legs.

"Ahaha! Catch me if you can cripple!" Haku a Shouted.

"Hey! Keep the cripple y'all to a minimum..." Kiba chimed in on their goofy situation.

"Oh calm down peg leg, at least _you_ can still walk." Haku teased Naruto as she dangled a foot in front of him and repeatedly jumped back when his hand would get close enough.

"I see your point." Gaara accepted the hand and Kiba hoisted him back up.

"Ah, see? Gamma squads back together again."

"Temporarily." Gaara looked between Kiba and Sasuke. "You two seemed awfully convinced that Kakashi can handle this himself. But I'm not sitting on my ass to just await an outcome."

"We're not saying you should. Kakashi gave me and Haku a call saying you'd need our help. He gave us your location and we rushed here no questions asked."

"What kind of help?"

Kiba raised his shirt to show two spare magazines and a silenced 9mm.

"The wet kind." He said with a toothy grin.

"And he told me you were coming to my house before he fucking vanished. You really think it was that easy just to get on my estate?" Sasuke revealed. "He thought you might choose the hard way though... he said to tell you that if you don't mind dying. Meet him were you two met him for the very first time."

"Finally. A solid lead... Thanks I guess. Was that so hard?" Gaara asked.

"You mean after everything we've warned you of, you still want to get involved in this?"

"Kiba, we're god damned Warrior Eliminators. We signed on to die a long time ago." Gaara said with a straight face. "So you coming or what?"

"Ahaha... well what teacher says, goes. You in Uchiha?"

"Only if you promise to tell mother we have to go ASAP. Her cooking is terrible..." Notoriously so, one might add.

"Guess you guys got yourself a team." Kiba and Gaara shook on it.

"Well it looks like you're mentor or whatever gave you guys the shit job then." Tenten said.

Kiba laughed at the notion. "Well yeah I mean it'll be kinda boring being a Tunuki body guard or whatever but-"

"No I mean... Have you heard the list of enemies these two have made in literally two days?"

"Let me guess." Sasuke said. "Naruto's obnoxious ass, pissed off some civilians maybe trashed a couple stores looking for "evidence" or something equally moronic."

"Haha yeah and then maybe he got into it with some prisoners during that riot? Sasuke, I heard you made him wear a dress to get in??" Kiba was holding his stomach with his growing laughter.

"I did! It was priceless-"

"How about blowing up my entire club." Ino interrupted. Sasuke and Kiba had no real prior interaction with her before, so her abruptness was a bit jarring.

"Huh?" Kiba and Sasuke both stopped laughing to listen to an eerily calm Ino.

"Kidnapping a Hyuuga heiress. Killing at least a dozen ANBU root on my fine marble floors... Blowing a creator down into the sewer, no doubt leaving a bloody mess of casualties behind." Ino said.

"Watching the explosive demolition of almost all of their coffee shops by their new stalker/explosive bounty hunter psycho that's part of a larger group of psycho bounty hunters." Tenten elaborated further.

"Leading said psycho's on a pursuit for us. One of which managed to find my home."

"We're Ino then killed one of them..." Tenten continued for her when she noticed the look of pain on her face.

"Thanks... Helping Panda there murder an entire gang kown as The Paths of Pein." Ino pointed out.

"Oh and attempting to assassinate her husband who happens to work directly for Danzo." Tenten finished.

"Oh and the huge office building. They blew that shit up before all those criminals escaped." Ino finished.

"... HOW?!" Came the collective response of both Kiba and Sasuke.

"Well. It is already Tuesday." Naruto pipped in. Finally shaking the numbness in his legs as he wobbled his way up with the help of a nearby lawn chair. "It's light work making enemies at this point."

Naruto jumped in place and finally got his legs moving.

"Oh and cabbage guy! I kinda exploded a cabbage vendor with Gaara's car... that one was my bad." Naruto said as he embarrassingly rubbed the base of his neck.

"Mr. Uchiha!" One of the estates many body guards burst out through the house door and onto the lawn. "There's been many odd characters, armed and dangerous, spotted at the front gate. Itan isn't responded and the priority team and branch men are already protecting Mrs. Uchiha. All protective measures have begun!"

"Again..." Sasuke held Naruto tight by the collar. "You bring trouble Every. God. Damn. TIME!"

"Ahh so what's your best guess boys? _Riot escapee?_ Or _petty cabbage vendor?_ " Tenten asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ooooh! I hope it's the fucking Mercenary Psychos!" Haku guessed, all but jumping with joy.


	15. Ready for Anything

**A/N:** Omg. We made it to 100 favorites... I'm not crying. You crying.

Thanks guys, it means a lot(:

Oh, I refer all of you to my disclaimer. Do **NOT take anything in this fic too seriously.** Yes I can be serious and I actually love the serous/goofy tone switch I tend to do but buckle up because this chapter gets fucking weird. But hey, hope you enjoy.

Also, lots of editing going on, so I'll get to the mistakes here and other chapters throughout the week.

 **xXx**

 _At the far Gate of the Uchiha Estate_

"He's going to make an absolute **mess** of my house isn't he?" Itachi asked, rather irritatedly.

"Well it's not exactly _yours_ anymore." Kisame carefully reminded. "I think you can trust him and his lackeys to flush the Fox out.

"And Gaara? Them apart seems to be no hard feat. But ever since Deidara warned them they've been like slippery eels... damned 'artist' and his Idiocentric habits. " Itachi was uncertain for once and the feeling had him all but fuming. Never was he ever so easily annoyed and tired of a mission.

"Still say we just blow the whole thing sky high-"

"Put one explosive anywhere NEAR my little brother and mother and you'll be breathing from a tube, Deidara."

 **xXx**

 _Meanwhile. At the Uchiha home._

The manner was a scramble as Sasuke ordered the evacuation of just about everyone who wasn't Gamma Squad via the estates exstensive underground tunneling.

"You know we could just leave with them. It's just a house-"

"Save it Coward. We aren't going anywhere." Naruto shut down the Uchiha quickly when he suggested they up and leave without at least finding out who was gunning for them now.

"So. How's the leg?" Gaara asked Kiba, in the manners library. From here both the living room below and the library above could be seen/ heard from. Perfect for the squads communication.

"Oh, you know." Kiba settled into the loft of second story very carefully. Being sure to support his right side as he laid down into the prone. "Most days I don't even notice its missing." He said with a full toothed smile.

"Ha. Ha." Gaara said with a frown.

"I told you to stop feeling so guilty about it ya know."

"You say that like it easy... there's a reason I quit."

"Yeah well don't blame it on my leg, Sand Man." Gaara looked sullen about it but didn't bother pushing the subject further.

" **AHAhahAha!"** A wicked laugh echoed down the hallway as Haku rushed down it and evaded a **very** persistent Sasuke whom was desperately trying to secure a grenadier bag of grenades from the mad woman who'd plundered his family's armory.

"Don't blame yourself for loony tunes over there either... God damn man, what is it you liked about her anyway??" Kiba asked.

"I put you both near a lot of things that go boom. So I can't honestly say that's not something to do with the crazy... Honestly the crazier she got, the harder I fell... But why, you said?" Gaara surveyed the current predicament and asked himself just that?

Why?

Was it the chaos?

 _'Well She **is** playing keep away with a literal **fuck-ton** of live explosives.'_

The looks maybe?

 _'Jesus Christ did she have to wear a tank top here?'_ Something he's been avoiding observing since she pounced on him earlier. Between a light cardigan, a white tank top and black shorts. She was just about spilling out of her outfit.

Or maybe:

Haku paused her teasing to look over at Gaara who was all but engrossed in her now. She gave him a big smile and a wave before Sasuke tried snatching the bag from her in her distraction.

Gaara couldn't really say he'd experienced unconditional affection the way she showed him.

"See somethin you like there, _Gar Bear_?"

Gaara knew that voice as well as the sound of that accusing tone. Immediately.

"Just uhh... never seen such a big handful of grenades. That's all!" Gaara choked out hastily against the harrowing pull of his now very tight metaphorical leash.

"You were staring at a handful all right." Tenten muttered looking first at the source of Gaara's previous attention and then down at her own goods and gave herself a reassuring squeeze. After all it wasn't her fault she wasn't blessed with two big eye catchers and back problems. Gaara gave her a rather confused look and Kiba blushed before going about his business.

"Anyway. Here, jerk. ... teach me." Tenten dropped a 9mm handgun, compliments of the armory, on the table. "No time like crunch time."

She was right after all. The guards had spotted intruders all of five minutes ago, there was no telling what the hold up was on their next move. Gamma was doing there best to prepare and Gaara couldn't deny, the more guns, the better.

"Um, y-yeah sure. Come here." Gaara patted the seat next to him and steadily began the speed course of gun use. He realized through his teaching how focused she was on just everything he had to say and it embodied a different sense of guilt in him he'd never really felt before. Kiba's accident was his fault. Sasuke's waning mission confidence, his fault. Haku's slew of fucked behavioral issues, the PTSD, their break up, all his fault.

But the look of disappointment in Tenten's eyes was something else entirely. It was something that he could truly and undoubtedly say was his fuck up and for once he surmised that he was perhaps feeling real guilt. Not just something he could choose to blame on himself in hopes of coping.

"I'm, sorry." He halted his lesson to say. "I'm, sorry for... staring."

"... It's ok." Tenten moved to squeeze his hand. "You're a guy. And guys are dumb. But I guess now... you're my dummy? So I'll let it slide this one time." She kissed him on the cheek and went back to fiddling about with her new found weaponry.

"You have no idea how much of a relief that is-"

"We'll just have to fix it is all." Tenten said nonchalantly.

"Fix it how exactly?" Gaara was more than willing to make things right.

"I'll just have to kill her."

"... Excuse me, _what??_ "

"Come here you **whore!** "Tenten readied the empty handgun with the haste of a trained killer. Loading the mag, racking the top and switching the safety off before jumping up to join the chase of the crazed lady assassin.

 _'I've created a monster in the span of 2 minutes.'_ Gaara thought as his mind tried to register what exactly was going on.

"She's a quick learner Gaara, that's a keeper." Kiba chimed in.

"Oh, thanks man. I appreciate- hey wait a fucking minute!" Gaara yelled down the hall. "She's got a fucking bag of Grenades. Do **NOT** shoot her!"

"Ohhh, so you're defending her now?!" Tenten screeched back as Haku cackled In laughter for the moment as a round flew past her head.

"Oh COME ON!" Gaara pleaded.

"Yeahhh, let's never be like that." Ino thought aloud. Her and Naruto had been making their own necessary preparations and heard the screaming from the room over.

"So we are a 'we-"

"Don't ruin it, Baka." Ino interrupted.

 **xXx**

 _About 5 minutes of careful defusing later_.

"Seems we're in a bit of a tiff, huh?"

Gaara mumbled more to the room than to anyone in particular as the newly reformed Gamma squad barricaded the main Uchiha living room/library. Various 'yeahs' and agreements were tossed about. Haku jittered with excitement, Sasuke groaned in annoyance. But unremarkably enough, Naruto found time to focus on the thing most irrelevant at the time.

"A tiff?..." Naruto halted the loading of a grey pump action shotgun in order to pursue an answer to a subject that was clearly of much more dire importance.

An answer to what exactly?

Well Gaara had a good idea, so he steady ignored the blonde as he went over the extensive rules of gun use with Tenten, finding it a better use of their scarce time window than getting into it with Naruto about:

"A fucking **tiff???** What is that shit? You don't talk like that! We're about to be killed by God knows who and you start speaking ye' ol' English?!"

 _'We're really going to do this right now?'_ Gaara thought.

"Well. If you paid even the _slightest_ attention to anything I do, you'd know I was actually taking college classes while you slack around the fucking coffee shop eating all the fat kid snacks. So excuse the fuck ouTA ME IF I WANT TO AT LEAST STAY ON TOP OF MY GOD DAMN WORD OF THE DAY." Gaara cocked back a scope modded M4A1, compliments of Sasuke's armory, and made a reasonable stand out of an overturned bookshelf to look out into the vast Uchiha expansion. "AND Today I'm missing my advanced English class to shoot a bunch of-" Gaara looked through his scope and yelled over to Ino for confirmation. "Hey, Barbie you seein this shit?..."

"I'm not sure what I'm seeing." Was her reply as she pulled in her rifle to clean the sight with her shirt. "Must be something wrong with this shitty lense."

Haku, in lieu of a gun, (due to collective trust issues amongst her peers) used binoculars to scope out the incoming enemy. "I see zombies." Was her expert opinion.

"Zombies... fucking- GIVE ME THAT." Naruto relieved Haku of the binoculars who merely shrugged it off.

"Hey man, they looked a lot like zombies to me." Haku said.

"... I swear you used to be sane." Naruto remarked.

"Explosions do that to ya." Haku shrugged again and went back to happily polishing her collection of poisoned senbon. _"1 stick, 2 hits, 3 struck true. Killing is what senbon do."_ She sang to herself, a large grin on her face as she hummed the rest of her tune.

"Zombies... of all the stupid-" Naruto stopped mumbling under his breath to increase the scope of the binoculars. Surely he wasn't seeing what he thought he was seeing. "You got to be fucking kidding me."

Pale.

Really pale.

Some missing limbs of every variety. Blood splatter on most of their half naked bodies. A mob of half dead looking humans barreling right at them. Droves that stacked at least a few dozen packed in the back of a multitude of trucks like chummy sardines. Tires creaking slowly towards the home in an impromptu formation.

"Bullocks... OH **GOD DAMNIT** , IT'S **CONTAGIOUS**." Naruto Shouted with frustration. More at himself than the room.

"I think you guys are assuming too much, they don't look like rotting flesh to me." Kiba tensed at the notion of the paranormal, coincidentally rubbing his right leg as it stiffened from the oncoming rain. "Storms coming too if this isn't creepy enough."

"You're sure? Rain isn't ideal for fighting off an ambush." Ino asked. After all, sniping moving targets was hard enough as it is.

"The metal doesn't lie." Kiba replied as he knocked twice on his right "leg" that resounded a metallic thud. Taking a look through his own weapon of choice, a personalized navy blue AR with the name "Top Dog" etched onto the frame. "I mean, they're fucking weird lookin, yeah. But they look more like a bunch of-"

"Cultist." The room's occupants stilled at the sudden crackling of the houses surround sound system.

"...Is that the Nara?" Sasuke asked.

"SHH!" Ino hushed. "Shikamaru, that you??" She asked aloud.

"Yup. Just pay attention. I've been doing some digging." The static settled and the familiar droll tone of the lazy genius was more apparent. "Police reports say a group, a parade worth, of 'disfigured' and otherwise 'unsightly' looking individuals were spotted outside of the Yamanaka residence. Missing limbs, grungy appearance, and covered head to toe in ghoulish makeup. Best bet says that's the followers of Jashin. Members of the same cult that the Akatsuki guy was from."

"Jashin?" Tenten asked.

"A cult that apparently believes in eternal life through painful or malicious sacrifice." Shikamaru explained.

"Great... religious heretics..." Tenten muttered.

"Awh... I wanted the mercenary psychos." Haku pouted.

"You're a realll twisted bitch..." Tenten managed to get out past an agape jaw.

"How the fuck did you hack my surround sound!?" Sasuke erupted with a clearly more appropriate concern.

"Who cares??" Gaara was frustrated with the entire situation, Sasuke could feel his annoyance and backed off reluctantly. "What do they want from us? And how many are there?"

"That weeb better not break anything..." Sasuke joined Haku's pity party as he continued to mumble general sounds of angst and bitchiness in his corner.

"Well, considering you killed their leader-"

" _Oops_." Ino mouthed.

"They probably just want your heads and for you to suffer the wrath of their God Jashin." Shikamaru finished and the room fell silent.

"Oh, _is that all?_ Such a modest people." Gaara spat.

"The sarcasm doesn't suit you too well hun." Tenten criticized.

"Why are we even worried? I mean look at them, their a bunch of freaks who probably cut off their own fingers for the hell of it. If what you say is true then we're shooting a bunch of morons in a barrel." Kiba tapped his weapon to prove his point. "Just give the word, Sand Man."

The room collectively considered the idea, a few shrugs here, a nod there. They proceeded to post along the houses for an aligned front against the oncoming horde.

"Approximately thirty to forty targets. First wave. Unconfirmed numbers." Gaara said. "Fire on my mark. Hold."

The offending individuals piled out of their truck beds as they approached the estates second gate. Scrambling over the fencing in a feverish manner, stacking atop one another to get over as quickly as possible.

"Fire!"

 _xXx_

 _Day of graduation. W.E.T. Training facility_.

"Congrats maggots." Anko wiped at the corner of her eye with a frustrated swipe of the hand.

"You've made it. No longer maggots, you-you've finally graduat-damnit!... I don't want to do this!"

"Oh here come the water works. Kakashi." Tsunade snapped for the silver haired man. "Get her off my stage, I'll do it myself."

The day was here. The graduating class of Gamma 151 had finally made it to the end of their two year course. Excitement was high throughout the entire academy as both recently graduated students hyped up the new generation, and fresh recruits looked in a awe at the new W.E.T. agents roaming the halls, just waiting for the next day in which they'd become official employees of the Leaf.

But before celebrations could happen, of course, a ceremony must ensue.

"Ya don't have to be such an old bitch about it ya know?" Anko was busy balling her eyes out at this point, a reassuring Kakashi trying to coax her off the auditorium stage. "They just grow up so fast! And I mean they're still a bunch of worthless pieces of shit. But they're like, my shit ya know?"

Kakashi simply nodded. But Tsunade saw through it.

"You're drunk aren't you?"

The pair paused before they could make it off stage.

"... Maybe." She hiccuped.

"Goddamnit Anko. It's a rehearsal. RE-HEAR-SAL!!" She emphasized as she through open hands at the empty room. "There's not a damn thing to be nervous about!"

"We both know she's no fan of public speaking." Kakashi defended.

"Are you fucking kidding?! She humiliated these kids on a daily basis in front of their peers. Sounds like she's perfectly capable of talking-"

"It's a coping mecha- manism? Mechahisim?" Anko fumbled pitifully around the words until Kakashi came to the rescue.

"Mechanism, dear. A coping mechanism."

"Oh shut it you two... unbelievable that only my most annoying disciples came back to _teach._ " Tsunade grumbled that last bit under her breath.

"I mean if you prefer we can always leave, I'm sure you and Jariya will get along just fine."

"Yeah, you tell her Kakashi!" Anko cheered as Kakashi very carefully maneuvered her down the stage steps.

"Ungrateful brats the both of-"

"Lady Tsunade. Attention, this is an important message for Lady Tsunade." Shizune, Tsunade's personal assistant, sounded loud over the building's intercom.

The message sounded three more times as Tsunade hushed Anko and Kakashi's retort to listen.

"Immediate action must be taken. Terrorist activity in Rice Country. Requesting a squad sized element."

"Ah. What a wonderful way to earn your keep. You two!" Tsunade snapped in The duo's general direction. "Prepare Gamma for a final test. You'll be accompanying them."

"We don't need them." Gaara entered the large hall having just heard an announcement. "Gamma team doesn't need their hands held. Let us prove it to you."

"Arrogant, aren't you?" Tsunade questioned as she raised a brow.

"Just confident in my team." He replied. Face void of any smirk or jive. All business.

"Gamma Squad can handle anything."

 _xXx_

 _Back at the Estate: Present Day_

Anything seemed to be a relative term these days.

"So... Are we going to ignore the obvious fact that they're-"

"SHH!" Seethed the collective. Nobody really wanting to accept the obvious truth Haku was pointing out.

Hell Fire in the form of continued rounds poured almost seamlessly from the Uchiha home. Flooding the front lawn with lead and blood. The "horde" fell apart at the seems, dropping to the ground only to rise once more through the pouring rain. Full of bullet holes and angry battle cries as they slipped in fresh mud. The now pouring rain washed away any makeup and Gamma Squad could now clearly see how much of the gore was actually real in the first place. The estates defensive mechanics engaged as well, in the form of turrets throughout the lawn, they too mowed down the weed like beings. But eventually getting gunked down by rainwater and piling bodies.

"Come on guys." Haku moaned as she continued to watch the blazing carnage through her binoculars. "They're popping back up like daisies. They've gotta be-"

"They're not fucking zombies!" Gaara Shouted while he butted the skull of a cultist into chunks with the butt-stock of his revolver as a couple had managed to reach the front porch.

"Yeah and I'm sane... This guy is literally oozing brain matter!" Haku exclaimed, an open palm aimed at said human/cultist/zombie thing that crawled its way on hand and knee through the window sill.

"Would you fucking die already?!" Gaara yelled through snarling teeth.

"Gaara..." Tenten was worried. She's never seen him quite this angry before.

" **NOT. Now**." Gaara gritted through his teeth. This was Gaama squad after all, what would Tsunade say if she saw them in such a pathetic situation? He should of planned better. _Been_ better.

 _'We're supposed to be able to handle anything.'_ He scolded himself and he could feel Tsunade's judgement browbeating him from beyond the grave.

"Hmph." Tenten watched, bothered, as Gaara stomped out the abomination in frustration, finally ceasing his onslaught of stomps once the being stopped moving. A cranberry mess of mush where it's head used to be.

"Aim for their heads." Kiba Shouted below to the other shooters. "Seems to be the only way to make these bastards stop moving."

"Oh? That all?" Haku responded, dripping with sarcasm as she tossed 3 senbon into the forehead of an advancing undead. "I don't think you're walking dead trivia is working out too well." The thing continued to rush at her until Naruto put buckshot through his skull.

"I'd agree, but maybe you're just doing it wrong." Tenten said as she sheathed her own hunters knife and 9mm away for something with grandeur. After a jab to an armless dummy's temple proved ineffective, she settled for picking up a traditional folded steel Katana from atop the Uchiha fireplace instead. One slice saw a head slide to the ground with a wet thump. Another saw three more began to pile as Tenten rushed the front door to cease their advances.

"Hey now!" Sasuke yelled from his position. "That's Grandfathers-"

"Ooooohhh, I like her!" Haku exclaimed. Following suit, picking up a still piping hot coal picker since the antique sword collection was now out of stock. Frolicking behind Tenten as she cherry picked any poor soul that dare come too close.

"This can't really be happening... " Sasuke's hands trembled as they struggled to load his weapon. Nervous hands dropping more rounds than he could load. "It just can't. It can't. It can't. It can't-"

"We heard you the first time. Just shut up and focus coward!" Naruto barked at Sasuke. His focus was razor sharp. With each pump of his shotgun, heads exploding like confetti all over the lawn. "Kiba! How we looking up there?"

Ino's and Kiba's position up top made for a solid vantage point. They were able to pick off the less gruesome one in the back of the horde that seemed to be more in control of the situation. The downside being it was much harder to blow off a head from that distance in the stormy weather.

"I'd say we're looking pretty good... but uhh..." Kiba stopped speaking and for a moment and only the continued gunfire and grunts of the "undead" could be heard.

"Uhh what??" Naruto continued when the response was left hanging.

"I don't think I did a very good job at killing that guy the first time." Ino finished.

"Excuse me?" Naruto froze.

"That **bastard**. The one who dared to come into my home? And attack my family?... He's on at the rear of this horde and he looks awfully alive to me."

"That's impossible. He was as dead as a door nail when Shino picked him- Aw hell. Shikamaru!"

"Send it." Was his delayed response.

"Get a hold of Shino! If what Ino says is true then we need to make sure they didn't come for him too."

"On it." Shikamaru phased from communication for good this time to go check on Shino.

Naruto snagged Ino's rifle to get a better view and low and behold. The silver haired man was sitting comfy on his own truck. His first two waves having successfully busted down the gates and the couple of staged auto torrents that littered the front yard. A big middle finger on both hands as he zoomed in even closer to see his neck had seemingly healed completely.

 _'Is that. A pentagram?_ ' Naruto observed when he zoomed back out to see the outline of bodies they'd eliminated. It was obvious now from the more vertical view but a select few of these freaks were dying in specific spots along the vast yard. Dropping into the same foreign formation Hidan had drawn in the Yamanaka home. Seeing him command the mindless horde with such ease made his blood boil.

The shit eating grin on his face was really grinding his nerves too.

"Fucking prick..." Naruto muttered. "Here." He handed the rifle back to Ino so that he may pick up his own weapon. Though upon priming he realized that he was very much out of ammo.

"Sasuke. You got anything... bigger?" Naruto dropped his empty shotgun for emphasis.

Sasuke stomped in the head of the nearest freak by kicking back in the front door on his dome piece. Blasting it it to itty bitties. The smart ones were beginning to focus their efforts on the reinforced glass of the house by pounding on it in unison. Ino and Kiba did their best to keep them at bay and the remainder of the group had been forced back into the house due to the sheer size of them.

"Well uh" He racked his mind of the armory's contents as he wiped blood from his hands onto his jeans. "We got a pretty cool crossbow that shoots grenades?"

"Bigger." Naruto prodded.

"50. Cal?"

"BIGGER DAMNIT."

"What?! Do you expect me to just pull a tank out of my ass?? This is just all of dad's old shit anyway! Itachi had all the cool-"

"... Cool what? Spit it out loser."

"Wait here. I'll be right back!" this time Sasuke ran upstairs opposed to the basement armory in which he'd been making frequent ammo runs to prior.

"Guys! I think more are coming" Kiba yelled below.

" _How?_ there's gotta be something fueling these things." Haku deduced.

"I think psychos right!... That Hidan freak is... glowing?" Ino spotted.

Kiba looked over to verify Ino's findings. "Glowing white like Christmas lights. Money says whatever he's doing back there ain't gonna end well" The stark white appearance of what he thought was makeup flowed all too bright against the black pattern covering his entire torso.

"Well, then less talky more shooty." Ino urged.

"What's to say he want just get back up like the rest of them?" Gaara made a solid point and the rooms chatter silenced for a moment. Until Sasuke came rushing back downstairs.

"I guess you'll just have to make sure there's nothing left to revive." In hand was what one might refer to as a doomsday device, another, a rocket. But to the intellectual.

"A SMAW." Naruto said as his mouth hanged.

A Shoulder Launched Multi Purpose Assualt weapon. A large tube like missle launcher that made RPG's look like play things. Naruto was in awe. Equally parts excited but also furious/curious about one thing.

"... No seriously. You wanted to give me a crossbow and you had this JUST LAYING AROUND-"

"Just take it!! Itachi's room scares me alright?" Was Sasuke's ironclad defense.

"Un-...unbelievable." Naruto shook it off as he addressed the group. "It's the bodies. Whatever God they're praying too has these assholes coming back to life. And that dick head looks like the conduit for all of it." Naruto informed. "Tenten. Haku. Clear a path." The impromptu duo looked at each other and nodded. Their rivalry would have to wait for a while.

Or perhaps, continue right now.

"Bet I kill more than you psycho." Tenten prodded.

"You're on! Gaara! I hope you're watching." Haku waved before rushing out the door.

 _'They'll be the death of me.'_ Gaara thought.

Tenten kicked down the front making a shish kabob of freak meat as she rammed through three almost instantly. Haku kept the pressure off Naruto with her own instrument of death.

"Cover your fuckin ears and pray to your gods." Naruto Shouted from the rear.

 _'Welp, here goes nothing.'_ Naruto waved away his protective entourage.

Many have not seen the life changing event that is a SMAW rocket going off in real time. But the back blast is enough to lift the top layer of unkempt earth from the ground, making room for its presence. The ground trembles and the air sings a harsh note under its power. The average direct hit rate is below 40 percent for the typical trained professional, perhaps any soldier or marine. But Naruto had a skill that went unmatched amongst his peer group.

50 percent.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Hell and blood-water lifted from the earth as the ground shook and everything within a 20meter distance fell to the ground to cover their ears and face. The whistle of the rocket seemed to go on forever but the rocket struck true. Sending first the truck Hidan occupied(as well the three around it) into a cloud of fire and then into something greater as Hidan's body turned into pink mist on impact.

A skull like cloud rose from were his body once was and everything seemed to stand still.

 **xXx**

"It... it's beautiful."Deidara gasped in awe at the mountain sized skull in the sky, it's mouth agape as it ascended to the heavens. All the while bursting and bustling with red flames and black smoke. The trio could feel the rumble of the ground from their location kilometeres away and the sight itself left Deidara in bliss before he was struck in the back of the head by Itachi's left shoe.

"I told that twerp not to touch my stuff..." Itachi seethed as Kisame placed a comforting hand on the man's shoulder.

 **xXx**

The remainder of the freaks dropped to the ground like collective sacks of meat. Laying wherever they might've fallen, lifeless.

"Solid shot." Tenten mouthed as she nudged the nearest one with the tip of her sword. "I think you did it?"

"Yeah but did what exactly? I think I just blew up a magician?... A holy man?" Naruto pondered.

"Necromancer?" Haku continued.

"A heretic. You killed a heretic, Naruto. Just be glad it's done with." Tenten concludes. "I feel bad for the janitorial staff though, this yard looks like the Red Sea."

 **xXx**

"I'm going to have some grade A tinnitus after this." Naruto shook of the shake of the blast and joined Gaara in the middle of the now freak free common room.

"Remind me how we got into this mess?" Gaara asked, a bit worse for wear himself.

"...HUH?" Naruto Shouted as he leaned in, cupping his ear.

"Geez, I'm kidding." Naruto reached up to pull out two foamy ear protectors he put on before all the firing. "Did you mean the blood?... or in general?" Naruto replied. Flicking a particularly thick film of gore from his face with saturated hands.

"Guess it doesn't matter." Gaara stood with a groan, doing the same. "You tend to get me in trouble no matter what the reason."

"You're blaming this." Naruto threw his hands up in the air as if to say, everything. "On, me?!"

Gaara first looked right.

Then left.

Once at the blood dripping ceiling.

And then back to Naruto.

"Well if the shoe fits-" Gaara looked past Naruto to the smeared floor behind him. "... Is that a whole fucking foot?"

Naruto ignored the man as he nudged the appendage with no small amount of amusement.

"Well blame me all you want, I still say it's her fault. You should've never let her in the store, to begin with."

"You don't mean that."

"... Shut up."

"Ew. Boys always get so dirty." Ino tiptoed carefully to the center of the room. "What are you two on about anyway?"

"How you're to blame for all my life's problems." Naruto groaned, folding his arms.

Ino looked over at Gaara as if to say. 'What's his deal?' But managed to get only a shrug in response.

"Riiiight. Well, I don't know about you, but this doesn't exactly seem like the place to be right now. So I suggest we leave. ASAP."

"Nuh uh. I'm staying right here. Hell if I'm letting another abomination attack me." Sasuke said, plopping down on the living room couch with a sigh.

"Coward..." Naruto muttered.

"Bite me, loser." Was Sasuke's lazy response.

"Anyone else changing their mind?" Gaara asked, interrupting the ensuing banter. Looking back and forth between Tenten, Kiba, and Haku who had just joined the rest of the group in the bloody living room.

"You know I'm not going anywhere, tough guy." Tenten said, moving to stand next to his side. And what a sight they were. One, slightly disheveled with bloody hands that matched his hair, and the other gripping a clean steel Katana. But managing to be covered almost head to toe in a red mist.

"Long as you promise not to get my other leg blown off. I'm in" Kiba jabbed at Gaara.

"No promises..." Gaara took the joke a bit hard but managed to smile at his friend's loyalty.

"And you? Feel like helping out a little longer?" Gaara nervously asked Haku.

"As if you're getting rid of me that easily!" Haku jumped at the offer and rushed to join Gaara on his free side.

"Oh, _joy..." Tenten proclaimed as she instinctively held Gaara by the arm when the girl moved closer._

"Awh, I think someone's intimidated by me." Haku said with a laugh as she grabbed Gaara's other arm.

 _'Oh she's done it now'_ Gaara thought as he gave a hefty internal sigh.

"Me? Intimidated? _You,_ just don't know how to back off!" Tenten all but growled as she moved to stand in front of Gaara to face her newfound annoyance. Haku moved to do the same. Both girls with an arm in hand.

Haku only managed a big smile that proved to piss Tenten off even more.

"There somethin you want to say to me?" Tenten asked as her grip tightened and Gaara's face noticeably reddened from the pain/embarrassment.

"Well." Haku moved in to whisper low enough for only the three of them to hear.

"We could always share him." She said, burying Gaara's arm into her chest.

The result being Gaara having to hold Tenten back with no small amount of strength as she clawed at the giggling raven haired girl.

"Man, how does Gaara make dating so complicated?" Naruto pondered allowed.

"Ha! Okay, kettle." Ino quickly answered.

"Whaddya mean?" Naruto asked with a true innocence.

"...Aren't you actively trying to kill my ex-husband?" Ino asked in fear that the other blonde had truly forgotten.

"Oh, yeah!" Naruto replied in true remembrance.

 _'Oh yeah, he says.'_ Ino held the bridge of her nose in genuine frustration. ' _What have you gotten yourself into Yamanaka?'_

"Man and I thought I was the lady killer of the four of us...Ahem." Kiba cleared his throat at the utmost level to gather the group's attention. "As much as I love to third wheel, I believe we had a disaster we were sifting through."

"The "disaster" is kinda smeared all over my front lawn to be fair." Sasuke sadly pointed out.

"Oh, go sulk in it. Did you ever figure out Kakashi's hint or what?" Kiba directed his question at Gaara.

 _'Meet him where we very first met, huh?'_

"Hm. He looked to Naruto who seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Yeah." Naruto said. "We got a clue."

 _xXx_

 _14 years Ago, East Konoha_

"Garra. Gaara! Dude, look at her!" Naruto Shouted in a hushed voice. The woman in question showing more skin than either boy had collectively ever seen. "I mean can she even walk around like that?!"

"Quiet you idiot, before someone hears us! We're not even supposed to be here in the first place."

"I have as much right to be here as the next guy. I don't know why you're being so weird about it."

" _Beacause_ you're being an idiot about it."

"How can you be so uptight?" A 13 year old Naruto still managed to be loud as hell even after lowering his voice to a "whisper."

"I'm not uptight. I'm just-"

"Do you boys typically skulk around where you shouldn't?"

Gaara jumped from his skin as a foreign hand found his shoulder and Naruto's blood ran cold when he realized they'd been caught.

"N-No Mr. We where just passing by!" Naruto tried to speed explain.

"Yeah. We just so happen to pick this up, guess somebody left it." Gaara tucked away the item in question behind his back.

"Just happened upon it huh?"

"That's right." Gaara said with a cold stare. No random old dude was going to intimidate him just because he was a kid.

"That's funny. Because last I checked there's only four people in this *Ahem* establishment. The cashier, myself, and you two punks. And uh, you happen to have the **_last_** copy of that Icha Icha magazine. So if you don't mind." The older man held out hand as if to say:

"Give it here." This after all was the only Icha Icha outlet in the entire city and like hell if he was going to miss out on this months issue because a couple of brats we're experiencing puberty.

"Not a chance old man!" Regardless of the mans white hair "old" didn't seem like an accurate description by Naruto, as the man was quite young and had the scarf he was wearing not been blocking his jaw line, some might assume he was quite handsome as well. But it did serve as a petty enough insult anyway.

"Well then how about this 'old man' just turns you into the cashier?" The man was fed up with the two by this point, he just wanted to buy his smut and go on about his life before having to go back to a rather stressful work life.

Naruto looked to Gaara as they wave of adrenaline washed over him. They'd really been backed into a corner and they both knew what they must do.

"Run!"

 **xXx**

 **Footnotes: Thanks for reading as always. I'll try to come back a bit sooner this time. (6k takes me longer than it used too) in the mean time drop a review and let me know what you think.**

 **Like it? Hate it? ): Love it?!(: let me know**


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